When did you let your teenager start dating?

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by Eavesdrop, May 15, 2007.

  1. Eavesdrop

    Eavesdrop Member

    They do it so young nowadays, but when did you let your son or daughter start dating? We said 16, but gave in a little early. But we monitor very closely. By dating, I mean movies they both get rides from parents back and forth to. Or dinners at each others homes. What do you think?
     
  2. Bumble

    Bumble Senior Member

    I think the parents should allow their child to make the choice on their own. Educate her/him about being safe and all of those things. If you say no, then he/she is still going to do it.
     
  3. Poem~Girl

    Poem~Girl Member

    When their 60!! hahaha jk When they are educated enough .. mature enough to know NO! hehe
     
  4. barefoot_kirstyn

    barefoot_kirstyn belly flop

    well, I'm still basically coming out of my teenage years, so I don't have a teen yet...
    but with my daughter and kiddie no 2, we really want to be involved in their social lives. My parents never really gave a crap about what was going on with us and just made us stay home all the time. I got resentful, depressed, anti-social, and ended up moving out at 17. My sister just didn't listen, stayed out all night, got mixed up with ALL the wrong people and ended up a high school drop out drug addict who won't keep a job.
    lol, that may seem a little far fetched, but being restrained like that can take a toll on kid's lives...especially at a time when their social life means EVERYTHING to them.
    We don't want to shelter our kids, but with the general attitude of kids today, I do want to know who she's hanging around with, and that includes boys.
    Our plan is to have an open home. Kids are welcome over any time, whenever they want. It's a safe palce to hang out. I find families who do this are a little more secure and trust worthy of everyone.
    When I was younger, I couldn't have friends over. If I did, it was once a month a the most. Majority of the time, though, no one was allowed over and I couldn't go anywhere past 9pm, 8 on weeknights, even when I was 17. It made for a pretty crappy childhood, especially since I never did drugs, drank, nada...it didn't intrest me and I tried to stress that to my mom, but she didn't care.
    This is getting a little off topic, guess I have a little pent up agression.
    All in all, I guess what I'm trying to say is to allow yourself to be open with your kid's friends and don't be so picky about dating. Make sure that you explain about sex, etc, and that there is open communication about it for sure. Don't do it in a preachy way, but casually talk about it. That way they are more inclined to take the right steps when they are ready and be prepared.
    Hope this helped just a little bit, lol
     
  5. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

    my mum isn't letting my sister date until 16
    and it didn't really matter for me, cause I didn't have a girlfriend until 17 anyways :tongue:
    although I nearly did when I was around 14, which seemed fine

    I think 16 is a good age, although, Poem~Girl brings up a valid point
    whenever they seem mature enough, should be the time
     
  6. homeschoolmama

    homeschoolmama Senior Member

    Well... I'm starting to work this one out right now. My son is 11 1/2 and too young for dates. But things like group "dates" and dinner at a friends' house, I don't have a problem with even now.

    He has gone on several group activities. Things like movies out with 5-6 boys & girls his age (and one parent driving) and out to Taco Bell with the same group of kids (where a parent or two came, but sat at the other end of the restaurant) I don't see a problem with this since it's simply social interaction OUTSIDE of a structured environment... something I think any kid could benefit from.

    Now when he gets around to asking if he can go somewhere alone with just one other girl - THAT I would consider a date. And for that I'm looking for a level of maturity rather than any specific age. I want to see respect for others AND himself, and an ability to discern what to do/not do without checking with adults. Currently it looks like he'll hit that somewhere within the next 4-5 years, but I don't know what type of rebellion/regression we'll hit when he enters puberty. I'm using what he does when I leave him home alone (we're up to an hour now - but only 30 minutes with his lil sister) to give me an idea of where he's at. I guess I'm thinking that once he can conduct himself properly for 6 hours alone with his lil sister, (the self-appointed informer) he'll be ready to go on a 3-hour date.
    love,
    mom
     
  7. The_Walrus

    The_Walrus Sgt. Pepper

    My parents have always told me that I'd have to wait until I turned 16. I think that's fair... though, well, I have to admit---I started a bit early... secretively.
     
  8. monosphere

    monosphere Holly's Hubby

    There it is. Secretively. I'd rather know that my daughter was out with a boy than think she was sleeping over with a friend while going behind my back with some guy, not knowing who he is or where they're going.
     
  9. freeinalaska

    freeinalaska Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    I agree. We had set the age for dating at 16 but lightened up recently with out 15 y/o. If you restrict them too much they will sneak around.
     
  10. Kastenfrosch

    Kastenfrosch Blaubeerkuchen!! HipForums Supporter

    I don't have kids yet, but in our home it seemed, that the normal playbuddys evolved into dates at the age of about 15. I never felt that there was any age restriction as to doing stuff with boys. My mom just made sure she knew the people I was hanging out with. And I never had to get out of the windows at night to see people, like some of my friends had to. On the other hand, I really was a stay at home kid. The wild phase just started at the age of 24...HAHAHA :-D
     
  11. MalyEdus

    MalyEdus Member

    I first dated when I was 13 (mean going for walks and just holding hands :) ). My parents trust me and they always did. At 16 I was allowed to sleep with my boyfriend (he knew him from the very beginning as they knew all of my friends) together at each others homes (anyhow, we had sex a year later).
    So I want to give my children the same confidence and freedom as my parents gave me.
     
  12. DancerAnnie

    DancerAnnie Resident Beach Bum

    I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16...I could go on group dates before that, but one-on-one dates weren't allowed until then...
     
  13. PLURx3

    PLURx3 Member

    From a teen POV...
    My parents give me very little freedom with dating. It has to be public group-dates and most of my other friends rather spend time alone with their boyfriends/girlfriends and rather not group date because they are allowed to go on single dates. But even though my parents practically keep me caged in from the dating world, it doesnt stop me. I still engage in sex by sneaking around and finding places with my boyfriend, even though it isn't "right". But I think if my parents let me make my own choices instead of trying to choose for me, I wouldn't be going against them so much. So all in all, I think parents should educate teens and then let them make their own choices.
     
  14. hippychickmommy

    hippychickmommy Sugar and Spice

    It was the same way for me.

    And for the record, I never once went behind my parents' backs either. I respected them too much, didn't want to disappoint them, so guess what? I actually listened to them, respected their rules! :eek:
     
  15. homeschoolmama

    homeschoolmama Senior Member

    I was the same way hippychickmommie - I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16. Couldn't get my ears pierced 'til I was 16, and couldn't EVER sleep over at my boyfriend's house.

    I did sleep at his house once - during a blizzard, when the car literally got snowed into his driveway. But I called my parents, and assured them I'd be sharing the living room with his mom so they wouldn't have to worry about me even then.

    I agree that kids need to be treated fairly & given chances to prove their independence... but parents & their rules do need to be respected too! That's why they're the parent!
    love,
    mom
     
  16. Allonym

    Allonym cheesecake slut

    i imagine it would totaly depend on teh teenager, their maturity and who they wanted to date. i was never given any age restriction but i didnt try dating til i was 16. i had crushes before hand but never anyone who i actually wanted to go out on a date with. my parents always trusted me though, which really helped
     
  17. IlUvMuSIc

    IlUvMuSIc Senior Member

    I'm only 14 and I've only had one boyfriend -
    I know my parents won't be happy with it and altho someone said about respecting them - i really liked him, and frankly for a 14 yr old girl life can be really lonely at times
    i do know a girl whos parents said she can't date till 15 which she is sticking to - my parents didn't give me a date so i won't stick to it.
     

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