whats ur life purpose? - autobiography of korean girl.

its gonna be a long story. I grew up in seoul, I was lucky to have my childhood near nature. but afterwards,, you know seoul is like.. its just my perception. but like, everyone studies 6am to midnight to enter the good university to get a higer social status, money, etc. every single woman think they r too fat, they should be on diet. also still, much likely man-oriented. and there is no big varies, everyone wear same 'trendy' clothes, plastic surgery you can find in every building in the street. everyone goes to university, get married in certain age. they don't know other options at all. trying,trying to be like others, better than others. meaningless, I found, after age of 19, I kind of 'won' the competition and entered the so called good 'ladies' university. and I got really depressed. my father used to cheat mother, and I got raped when I was young from thief, that also affected me to have pessimistic view towards the world. but maybe becuase of my depression, I explored diffrent spiritual paths, so on.

since I was somehow majored in earlychildhood education - as follow both my interest + my score, I tried to get exprience in those field. I did a lot of volunteer work in those field as well. one of the reason was that I wanted to feel I am worthy.

I worked at rudolf steiner kindergarten. and it was so new, all the toys r from nature, and the warmth, space for imagination, love was there. teacher were not there to be 'teach' how use the head- how to count, how to write, but just let them imitate the sincere attitute towards life. it was about heart. not only head.

then, I traveled india, mongolia, thailand, I visied some communities, I worked at camphil rudolf steiner school in uk, to learn more about rudolf steiner education, but work there was really hard, I couldn't learn much about steiner things, but from travelling, I discovered such a new world. that there r many different ways people live!

after a year in abroad, I came back to 3rd year in my university in korea, I got trained as an yoga instructor. I didn't have many friend in university any more. they were already so different from me. I didn't want to sit in a fancy cafe and discuss about new trend of gucci and chanel. plus, I felt like korean society, and my university was molding me into someone, not me. I felt like if I just stay there, I might just get a job, and just live someone else's life.

so, I came here to new zealand, I am in one year rudolf steiner teacher training. I choosed this program, cuz its in my field-earily childhood edu-,and because of my interests in human being and cosmos-anthroposophy, I stared this course in february, suppose to finish in december with a certificate as a waldorf teacher.

but I am on crisis. I think its from my holiday in australia, I went to alternative life sharing festival-called confest, similar with rainbow gathering, but shorter period, I think-. I met lots of hippies, I smoked weeds, took lsd once. whole new world again. I loved dancing, drumming, all the workshops, each uniqueness. and I am so different after that, I feel much more connected with nature, spirit. I am so happy, everything is so exciting, I feel so much energy, I do feel my heart chakra expanding, but negative thing is I am sooo dreamy, something happend on my head? I can not, and I don't want to sit and read rudolf steiner books and listen to the lecture anymore. I lost my motivation. I am just so laid back and the time and space means different to me. and I am not interested on teacher training any more. I feel so much energy in me that wants to move, move, explore, experience . I can not sit and concenturate.

I want to go rainbow gathering in belgium, and to europian gathering in england, I want to learn more, be free to be myself, I feel so prisoned from what I've conditioned from korean culture, but there is no refund policy on this course I am on. I am finishing second term, and if I really want to move out, I have to come back in a year and finish other two. and after that , I have to go back to korea to finish my last year in university. which sounds tricky, but very tempting for me. my parents r trying hard to pursue me to first 'finish' something, they say ' I can't let you just be a wanderer, you need to have a purpose, you are just young and naive, but I am old and knowing the reality, you should listen to me, you are being just dreamy' . I just want to see different views, ways of life. and want to really be me. finding life purpose can be my life purpose.

so I don't know if I am gonna stay here to finish course, or just head to europe, I am really having hard time studying children development, and teaching method, I've studying and working those field for 5years now, and I am interested in world itself and me than about children yet.

so this is me, I don't really think someone will read all this long story in broken english, and also hard to expect serious answer in cyber space. just wrote to let me know whats going on with me. some advices would be still really nice. and whats your life purpose anyway??

 

My advice is to finish what you have started. You can then decide to use it, or to not use it.

Consider it like a tool, a useful one. No matter what, you need to feed yourself. It's like a tool to feed yourself. It's valuable. Don't throw it away.

Finishing what we start is a good thing from a spiritual perspective, too. It puts us in a balanced relationship with our surroundings, in harmony with others. Spirituality is not only about crazy freakouts and adventures...it is also about living healthy, being compassionate and strong, helping others, living with peace and calm. This is only possible with a bit of structure.

I think you will find that you don't need to make the choice you think you do. You can do both. You can finish your school, and also explore the other side of life and mind in various ways, in your free time. Perhaps you don't have to reject one way and accept the other. Perhaps you should create a harmonious blend.

 

xazzer gave you a good advice...finish school (sooner or later you'll have to earn your living) and try to create an harmonious blend with other aspects of life...
it cost me a lot saying this, but money is freedom....the more money you have the more free you are to travel wherever you wanna go, or to buy quality stuff (it's more pleasent driving a Porche than a small Citroen)....money gives you the means to enjoy your freedom in a more complete way......I once lived on the road (see the photo below, that is me the day i left to Amsterdam, in 1973...but one day i returned home to finish school).... believe me, a dinner in a good restaurant is nicer than eating a sandwich siting on the sidewalk...sleeping on the floor is nice once in a while, but sleeping in the best hotel is nice everytime...
you won't be young forever...

 

meowo, i've changed my signature.......the photo is in my gallery

 

I agree... finishing school opens a lot more doors... you may as well, since you've already started. afterwards you'd be more free to do what you wish! good luck!

 

i just stumbled over your autobiography. i liked what you wrote. i understand your feelings. there has to be more out there.
you now what the old taoism is ?
it's a world view or philosophy gained through practical experience.
you watch the world you are existing in with your senses.
what you do is you make the moment you are existing in more intense and explore it. ( many topics )
you can say the old taoism is a school of awarnes.
i learned for 10 years a 3000years old taoistic meditation system.(for sure not only sitting meditation).
i was lucky and had teacher who knew
now i traffel round the world. in the moment i'm in turkey. so if you want to traffel and find things out about yourself and through yourself the world you are living in come by. the only problem is to learn it takes you at least 10years. and you would be living on the street sleeping on the ground no luxury but you would find things out about the world you are living in
it'S A BEAUTYFUL WORLD
so if you mean your sentence
"finding life purpose can be my life purpose."
come to turkey
j.umsonst@gmx.de