I've been shaky a lot and I don't know what to do to stop it. I have no appetite but I'm forcing myself to eat regular meals so I don't gain weight or/starve myself too much. I really don't know why I stopped feeling hungry at all. My therapist gave me this mood chart, and she explained it to me in the lobby of the psychiatry place. I wanted to ask her, what if I don't feel anything at all? Then what box do I check? She gave me all these things to practice for worry and anxiety. But I'm not really that anxious. I burst out crying the other day in public because of the noise and people. I took some of my mom's painkillers recently to help feel better and less anxious, but it caused withdrawal so I'm trying to avoid them. It's been a day and a half since I took them, maybe 2 days. I have schizoaffective. The therapist wants to know when my moods are too good, like I'm too happy. What utter bs. I'm never happy, much less too happy. I don't feel things. I can feel sorrow sometimes, I can cry. I can worry and make myself cry. But I don't feel normal emotions, I don't feel happy or can rate my emotions. I'm a woman btw and I'm 23. I don't feel like having sex anymore. Each time it's really not worth it. I took Strattera for a month and that was the only time I actually enjoyed sex. But I can't take Strattera because it shifts my mood or makes me weird or something. It makes me a different person, but happier. I take an anti-psychotic for schizoaffective disorder. I'm sleeping all day and out of schedule. I wanted to tell all these things to my therapist today but she just went on and on and on and on about anxiety techniques, and wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise she wanted to keep things "positive" I guess. I am obsessing about feeling. I used to obsess more. Now it's like I don't care, and I'm obsessing about death or an end to my misery. It's not really suicidal thoughts, just a general morbid feeling of helplessness. when I'm psychotic its like I can hear the whole world at once, like my dreams and reality combine into one single strand...and it's real. Though people are blind, things have actually appeared and re-arranged with no explanation. I even caught some proof on my computer but that was a long time ago, and my computer is jacked up right now. I dunno, I can't prove any of it. I've long since learned people aren't looking for proof or explanations, they lack the curiosity and awe of a child. We really are all walking zombies. We are all asleep.
Yep, you're right. They're changing my diagnosis to Bipolar. I think I got caught up on all the stuff related to the schizo related labels, because for instance statistics show schizos don't work or lead successful lives. I'm still a little confused about the difference between bipolar mania and other states. I muddle words a lot, esp. when I'm a little manic. Actually it's really confusing, I make a lot of sense when I'm not manic but then when I become manic it can get harder to figure out the language patterns that make sense. High energy has also helped me faster learning in certain areas, for instance my long term and short term memory is awesome. It seems to be improving over time.
