What's the biggest lie you've ever told?!

And did you get away with it or lived to regret it?!

 

when i was a kid i told my friend that my sister had shot me in the foot with an air rifle. i kept up a limp for YEARS, but kept forgetting which foot it was in, so it was a fairly interchangeable injury.

more recently, on a whim, i met someone who i assumed i would never see after our brief conversation that night, so told them that my name was milo, and talked with an irish accent to them, just to see if my accent was convincing.

when i went home, i was stuck sat next to them on the bus for about an hour, and had to maintain that accent for the entire trip, we later became friends, and i dropped the accent, after we met another few times, and told them that i'd had to talk like that for ta while after losing a bet. (they found out my real name because we exchanged facebook adresses while on the bus)

not the biggest lies i've told, but the most annoying to keep up.

 

I am terrible at lying and always get caught but I can't think of any real bad ones. I lie to manipulate my children sometimes and they catch me every time. For example I have tried to get my son to clean more by telling him there is an inspection soon. He figures it out right away so I quit doing that. When I skipped 6 weeks of school in sixth grade I told my peers that I was held captive by my step dads pet guerrilla bats and purple elephants. A few believed me and one came to my house to see them so I had to tell him my lie. He believed me because my mom brought her boa constrictor to the school once. So they knew I had weird pets.

 

"No dad, we don't get a report card this term" >.>

 

"yes that lump in my pants is me"

 

Perhaps not the biggest lie in regards to sexual issues but when a girl who was flirting with me seemed to assume that I had a big cock because of my obviously very large feet I didnt correct her. ( I actually have a very very tiny penis)
I did actually get invited back to her flat which was within walking distance of the pub I met her in but her shock and dismay was very palpable when she saw how un-endowed I actually was. She totally lost her desire and gave me a mercy wank before I took a taxi home. ( not the first or last time I got a compensatory hand job)