What's going on?

A couple of weeks ago, I met my roomie's brother. He's been in Afghanistan the past two years, so I knew him....talked to him online and such, and my roomie and I would always be baking him cookies and what not so he wouldn't feel so far from home. He's a pretty cool guy. When I met him I hugged him, because I always hug my friends, I love hugs. Anyway, I had a physical reaction to him, that I really can't explain. I wasn't turned on or anything, but it was something like that. I've never had that reaction with anyone. I'm really kind of confused by it, because I don't know what it is. The problems are many. First he's 32. And he's a jock type, and I'm more drawn to quiet geeky people like myself. The thing is I can't stop thinking about him, he's staying with us and their parents' for awhile, before he goes back in two months. So we hang out a lot, and he's just really easy to talk with, and nice to be around. But he's my roomie's brother, and if something were pursued, it might get weird. And I'm not attracted to older guys. Except him, but I don't know whether I'm attracted to him or not. On the other hand I really like him a lot, he's really sweet, he's having me teach him sign language, to make it easier to talk to each other. No guy has ever done that with me.

So can anyone make sense of this for me?

Thank you to anyone that can help.

 

I personally thought the only aspect of your situation that could become seriously problematic was the fact that he would be leaving in two months. This basically would mean that, should you decide to date him, it would turn into a long distance relationship. But then just because a relationship is long distance doesn't automatically mean it's always going to fail. I'm currently in a long distance thing with someone who lives roughly 5000 miles away from me myself. Considering the fact that we're rather happy at the moment, I think there's always a way if it was meant to be.

The other points you've raised as...I suppose "cons" of sorts? Anyway, those points aren't nearly as important in my opinion. The fact is that none of us can be in full control over the "types" of people we become attracted to. I'm not even sure if that sentence makes much sense(LOL) but what I'm trying to say is that, sometimes, we all fall for people who are totally outside of our PERSONAL PREFERENCES. Completely natural phenomenon, and it is actually something I'm experiencing right now myself as well...at least to a degree.

It's like this. My personal preferences tell me I like my partner to be shorter than me, natural redhead, small-ish boobs, average physique, likes exercising without being obsessed about it(LOL), certain zodiac signs, certain facial features, and the list goes on, lol. xD But who can really fulfill all of these things, right? No one, if you think realistically, lol. So, at the end of the day, what decides who you should be with is whether or not you click with that person. And I click with my current girl who is pretty much the same height as me, not a redhead, not someone I would go for under different circumstances in terms of facial features(she's actually pretty, just outside my personal preferences), so on so forth. But she DOES fulfill SOME of my personal preferences too, such as her being younger than me(by a lot, lol) with amazing physique, and a positive attitude toward fitness without being too intense about it...and a lot more. Oh, never mind then... lmao xD

Well, the point I'm trying to make is, it's really NOT about focusing on your preferences at the end of the day. Your personal preferences are just that: preferences. They should not rule you. My girl and I became romantically involved merely because that was the most natural thing for us to do. There was no conscious request made by either one of us to date the other. One day we just realized that we were, well, us. I don't know if your situation is the same, though. Maybe you two naturally belong with each other, or maybe not. Plus there will be risks if you DO decide to pursue this, just like there are risks in any other relationship. If you believe he's worth it all, then you could try to take your friendship to the next level.

All the best!

 

It feels a lot like what you said about how you and your girlfriend are, just a natural attraction, because he's not my "type" at all, but I can't help how I feel about him. When ever I'm around him, I get that butterflies in my stomach thing. It's nice to hear from someone in the same situation, a lot of what you said about your girlfriend is how I feel about him.

The long distance thing will suck, bad, but he's absolutely worth it to me. We'd have IMs and texting and what not, so it's not like I wouldn't be able to talk to him over there.

I smoke, and ran out of cigarettes early this morning, and was about to go out to get more, and he had just happened to be up to go to the bathroom, and he asked me what was up, and after I told him, he told me he'd go get them for me, so I wouldn't have to go out. I swear to God I almost melted right there in my doorway lol. That's just one example out of so many things he does, he's just the sweetest guy.

The biggest fear I have, was if something happened with us, maybe it would affect my friendship with him, and my roomie. She's pretty awesome, and we're really close, that was kind of resolved though today when the roomie told me he really liked me, and she thought we'd look cute together. So that excuse is irrelevant lol. It's funny though because I'm 5'4, and he's a LOT taller than me, lol. I like that, but it's like I have to get on tip toes to hug him lol. Which is the best feeling I've ever gotten from anyone, outside of my family. Him hugging me I mean.

So all of the other issues I mentioned aren't something to really be concerned with, is what I was getting from you, which helps a lot. So I guess he and I get to have the talk later.

I feel a lot better about things now, I guess I was focusing too much on preferences and diminishing the natural attraction aspect, I've never had that like this before, and wasn't sure if that's even what it was, which is why I asked for advice. So it's a "the heart wants what it wants" thing, I just didn't recognize it I guess. What freaks me out the most about this whole thing, is I think about him so much, he's always in my head, no matter what I'm doing, and that is entirely new to me. I like it though.

So whenever he gets back from wherever he went I'll sit him down and tell him we're dating. I mean ask if he wants to.

Thank you so much for your help, I really appreciate it.

 

First off, you're welcome.

It sounds like he's a really nice guy. When you experience something you've never experienced before, it totally makes you think. You've described your current situation as something that's new to you. My own situation is new to me, too. Hopefully this means something, lol. Well, I won't pretend like I'm some kind of relationship guru, because I'm not, lol. I just hope things work out for you and this guy.

Now, I DID say the other issues weren't as important...such as the age difference, him being a jock type, and etc. BUT, ultimately you(and/or the guy) are the one who needs to make the decision to either pursue a relationship with him or back out of it. Like I said before, you need to be aware of the risks involved in going after, and being in a relationship with him. You DID say it would be worth it, so I shall leave it at that.

All in all, maybe this is something you actually NEED to experience. If it works out fine and you gain a lifetime partner, or at the very least a long-term partner, then I'm definitely glad. But even if it doesn't work out in the end, don't worry about it. In this world, there have got to be at least a handful of people who are right for you. You just gotta meet one of them. Maybe this guy you speak of is one of such people, or maybe not. I'm sure you'll find out sooner or later.

Peace

 

We talked for a long time yesterday. Well, I talked, he just stared at me most of the time, intermittently mumbling "damn" and "really???" and whatnot lol. I told him I couldn't explain my attraction to him, and basically said everything I said here, and told him I thought we needed to be together. He kissed me and said he'd love to be with me. We haven't done much, I'm totally ready (beyond,actually), but he doesn't want to rush into all that with me. Which is one of the sweetest things I've ever heard from a guy.

I'm sharing my room with him, which is nice, I've never had guy things in my room before. He even cleans it for me lol.

So yeah, he's incredible. I know I made the right choice. I can't wait until the sex starts though, I seriously want to get laid lol. It totally rocks that he wants to be sure I'm ready for that though. He's so respectful and wonderful to me. He actually listens when I talk!

He also feels perfect for spooning, lol. I can't remember sleeping as good as I did last night.

I'm so glad I joined here, and asked for help, and you responded.

 

Glad you found us. Be aware we have a few people here whose posts can be abrasive, but this is the internet afterall.

Anyway I agree with everything Alternative Thinker has said.

I also want to say that I think the phenomena of natural attraction is so underrated and misrepresented in our culture. It always has been but it's even worse today than it ever has been before given social media and the internet.

Books, movies, television, and peer to peer culture, sends this message if you don't have these "preferences (usually physical looks and societal labels)" person A and person B, aren't right together or their attraction is inherently wrong, a lie, or perverted in some way. If one goes against the by-laws, they'll be an outcast and shunned.

It's complete bullocks.

The law of attraction is simple, the heart wants what it wants and that impulse is ingrained in all of us since birth. There shouldn't be any shame in that as long as one is respectful and honest with themselves and their potential partner. Hopefully, one also knows not to give up on life if things don't work out in the end and take comfort in the fact that they tried.

He sounds like an awesome guy, just brace yourself for not only the long term relationship but with the fact that he's in still on active duty, which can be tough.

 

The heart really does want what it wants. I never completely believed that until I met Josh. I've always had the idea of a type. Strangely enough, the more I learn about him, the more he is that type, just different. I wouldn't have seen that though if I hadn't gotten that feeling from hugging him. I was seriously turned on, not sexually, well not completely, it was way more than that. I can't really describe it, because I've never experienced that before. When he kisses me, or even touches me, I melt into puddles. And he's just the sweetest guy.

It's crazy to think about, but I think I'm falling for him. Big time. I haven't said anything like that to him, but he has to me, and I'm just sitting there almost crying, because we feel exactly the same way about each other. The irony is I used to laugh about this kind of thing in movies, and it's happening to me. Hollywood is collectively doing that head weave thing going "who's laughing now, bitch?!" lol.

I know there'll be things that come up later that have to be dealt with, but I also know that they can be worked out. I'm a big believer in talking through things. And he's completely open and honest with me, so I know he is too.

It's going to suck really bad when I have to send him back for awhile. It's something that we can deal with though, I have a spare laptop with a webcam on it I'm sending with him so we can see each other and what not, so that will make it easier. It still will be hard though, but I know we can get through it ok, it's only two more years, that seems like a long time, but it's not really. We're pretty committed to this, and to each other, so we'll make it work. I'll have to figure out how to not worry so much about him being safe, but I'm sure there are support groups somewhere, if not online for people who have SOs in the military. I'll probably be looking into that.

Thank you for your post, monkjr!

 

'Tis good to have you aboard this crazy place. And I agree with monkjr. Actually, sometimes even I can be one of those abrasive people depending on what kind of topic I'm discussing about. But, I'm a hopeless romantic and I generally wish any couple best of luck since love is a wonderful thing.

The long distance aspect will be a bit of an obstacle, I will admit. I don't know if you've been in a long distance relationship before, but this is definitely where you'll thank the wonderful technology we've come to know as the "internet", lol. I've been in two online relationships before my current situation, so this one makes the third one. In fact, the first one was with an ex-user of this very site, way back in 2006. Then I met another girl four years later on a different site. They both live close to 7000 miles from me. As for my current Significant Other, I met her roughly three months ago on yet another website, and she and I have been romantically involved for about two months so far. We haven't met in person yet, but are planning to do so when our schedules can allow it. Probably not happening this year, though...

I think that one of the tricky things about long distance relationships is maintaining mutual trust. Really, the only thing that anyone can suggest when it comes to this matter is to try to communicate well at all times. But you've already implied that you and your guy fully understand this, so I shan't elaborate.

One thing, though: after he leaves, you two will need to keep communicating via internet, and texting via cellphone if it's not too costly. This is where "wording" becomes a huge thing, and that's essentially why you two need to be able to communicate really well. When you're face-to-face, it's way easier to convey your emotions. But typed words by default will seem more detached, and that's why both of you might need to be creative in terms of expressing your feelings. Make use of emoticons, ascii smiley and so on. It might even help to exaggerate words, like, instead of simply saying "hi", you might type something like "heeyy <3", lol xD Some of these things may seem silly, but they DO make a difference in my opinion.

Webcam totally helps because you get to actually see the other person's facial expressions while chatting. Another thing that might help is to make video messages periodically so you two can exchange them as a means of letting each other know of how you're feeling at the time.

I know this is getting long but about the "hugging" thing you mentioned... Some people are like that. I have one friend whose hugs feel like no other. This is someone I had a strong romantic feelings for several years ago. She even has a particular body scent which would intoxicate me when we hung out back in the day. And just like you said, it was like an arousal but there was more to it than just being sexual.
Oddly enough, she and my SO share some things in common. I wouldn't be shocked if my SO's hugs felt just like my friend's, or even better for that matter. After all, what I couldn't share with my friend, I'm able to share with my SO now....so there's something to be said about that, huh? lol

 

You love him and want to have his babies

 

LOL!!!

I definitely want babies someday, and I'm thinking he'd be an awesome Daddy. I've never been in love, so I have no idea what that feels like, but I care very deeply for him.

 

@Alternative Thinker AND girlsaregamers2

I don't know what it was like for you guys that 'feeling'.

But I believe I felt something similar with a girl where circumstance just didn't make us work out but that 'feeling' was there.

Tell me if this matches up with what you've felt in each of your respective experiences.

The feeling is equal to these adjectives simultaneously:

1. Cozy
2. Familiar
3. Stranger
4. Friend
5. Sexual tension
6. Fun
7. Relaxed
8. Kind
9. Scary
10. Blissfully new
(If you've gone to the physical level read farther)
11. Passionate
12. Attentive
13. Extremely pleasurable

Other side effects of being in this emotional state are that you kinda lose any attraction you would've felt for others. You become an objective observers of others.


This is a bit forward so forgive me, but if you guys cross the physical relationship, I suggest he do a clone-a-willy kit, just before you send him off.

Drummin, has a point too about going slow as well, going fast can be dangerous. I'm just throwing out advice left and right.

 

I didn't find him abrasive. he made me laugh. And sometimes people need to hear abrasive, so if I ever need that here, I know someone's going to give it to me straight, and not kiss my ass.

This is already way more than a summer fling. We're pretty seriosu about each other, but we're also taking things slow, and not rushing into sex or anything. I haven't done that yet, and we both want it to be "right"...see how fucking awesome this guy is?? OMG!! LOL

If we wait too much longer though, I'm going to lose my mind, because the way he talks to, looks at, touches and kisses me turns me into puddles.

 

And it's really appreciated.

ROFLMFAO Now I've seen everything. Yeah, I want that hehe. He's pretty big and it's kinda scary, but I so can't wait to have him inside me. I've done the hand job thing with him, and yeah, he's big lol. That's as far as we've gone though.

Is there one for his belly too? He's got kind of a tummy on him, and it's so cute.


On to the list:


1. Cozy (yes)
2. Familiar (yes)
3. Stranger (no)
4. Friend (yes)
5. Sexual tension (yes!)
6. Fun (yes)
7. Relaxed (yes)
8. Kind (yes
9. Scary ( a little, but only because I've never experienced this before. not so much scary though as being unsure of myself with him, he's had lots of girlfriends, and I have no idea what I'm doing, I just want to be the best I can be for him. )
10. Blissfully new (yes)
(If you've gone to the physical level read farther)
11. Passionate (yes)
12. Attentive (yes)
13. Extremely pleasurable (yes)

Yes, definitely. He's the only guy besides Daddy I've felt completely safe with. I know beyond doubt he's the one I'm supposed to be with, and he's all I want.

No need to apologize, I really like that idea!!

 

You guys have all been really helpful, and I really appreciate it, so thank you again. You're awesome.

 

I'm not sure if you mean only the current experience, or both the past and the present... So, I'm going to give both answers. But these are the feelings felt during my ONLINE relationships exclusively, just to be clear.

Past relationships(the first relationship and the second relationship indicated as 1st and 2nd):

1. Cozy ("sort of" for 1st, "a little more so" to "yes" for 2nd)
2. Familiar ("not really" for 1st, "Holy Shit!" for 2nd...long story, lol xD)
3. Stranger ("somewhat" for 1st, "not really" for 2nd)
4. Friend ("I guess so" for 1st, "for sure!" for 2nd)
5. Sexual tension ("absolutely" for 1st, "absolutely" for 2nd)
6. Fun ("yes" for 1st, "hell yeah!" for 2nd)
7. Relaxed ("umm, maybe not..." for 1st, "we're more chill as friends than as a couple" for 2nd)
8. Kind ("probably not enough?" for 1st, "yes, I think so" for 2nd)
9. Scary ("in a way, yeah...because I lost myself" for 1st, "in some ways, yeah...some of the stuff was uncanny, and I also lost myself, so..." for 2nd)
10. Blissfully new ("oh yeah" for 1st, "oh yeah" for 2nd)

(If you've gone to the physical level read farther)

Now, by physical I trust you mean the actual physical interaction, so I shan't answer the following..

11. Passionate (N/A)
12. Attentive (N/A)
13. Extremely pleasurable (N/A)


And now for the current situation:

1. Cozy (absolutely)
2. Familiar (actually, yes)
3. Stranger (not really... I still have a lot to learn about her, but that's just because we met only 3 months ago)
4. Friend (definitely)
5. Sexual tension (absolutely...though, it's much more relaxed than my past experience)
6. Fun (for sure!)
7. Relaxed (definitely)
8. Kind (yeah, she's very understanding)
9. Scary (no, not really)
10. Blissfully new (in a way, yes)

(If you've gone to the physical level read farther)

Again, below shall be left unanswered at the present time.

11. Passionate (N/A)
12. Attentive (N/A)
13. Extremely pleasurable (N/A)


Now, I've experienced cyber sex with both my past net-girlfriends and my current SO, and I've found the experience to be wonderful with all of them. However, and without getting into the details of things, I find my current situation to be the most mutually satisfying of all three relationships where sexual pleasure is concerned. It probably indicates that she and I are most compatible out of any of my past relationships, both offline and online ones combined.

LMAO@clone-a-willy xD I actually learned about it a few days ago while surfing the net for long distance relationship related things, lol. Maybe I'll do that for my girl at some point, who knows... lol

About going fast, I think that was what ended up happening for my past two online relationships. My last PHYSICAL relationship lasted for two and a half years(which isn't necessarily long but can be perceived as long enough), and I think that was because we took our time. Actually, it had no choice but to take our time as the girl was VERY sexually timid. And as for my current situation, we're taking things slowly not because either of us is sexually or otherwise timid, but because we know rushing it won't do us any good. We're simply moving at the pace that we both feel comfortable with, and I think that's pretty cool.

 

Well glad to see I was almost spot-on with describing that "indescribable feeling", so we at least have some adjectives to identify it when it hits us.

Glad you like my advice girlsaregamers2, I'm a pretty good conversationalist on these forums, but be warned I broach a lot of taboo subjects just because it's in my nature to push boundaries and get people to think.


@Alternative Thinker, lol no offense but the contrast between your answers for the 1st relationship compared to the 2nd and later the current one you are in make me think you are now unsure what you were feeling during the 1st relationship, since the answers you gave to the 2nd relationship and your current one were so direct.

 

I appreciate the advice, yeah. I learn by pushing myself a little further than I'm comfortable, so I think I understand what you mean by pushing boundaries. On an unrelated note, I'm burning my "v-card" tonight lol. Also, we ordered that clone-a-willy thing this morning, it looks like fun. My first toy lol.

 

If it's not to late purchase some lube and remember to relax and let the sex happen naturally just like the attraction happened naturally.

(listen to your inner feelings and impulses and forget ALL of society's programed rhetoric for right wrong clean and dirty labels)

He seems like a good communicator so don't be afraid to tell him what's good and what's bad in terms of stimulation and things to verbally say or not to say to you in the bedroom.

Have fun!

Might I ask how old you guys are though?

 

Wow!! LOL

I really really really really love sex with him. It hurt for awhile, not long, but you know. I'm sore as Hell right now, but God. I didn't want to stop. We did it twice last night and once this morning lol. He's so gentle when I need him to be, but makes me climb the walls when gets aggressive. I had no idea it would be this good.


We didn't have lube, which is kind of a good thing, sort of. We started out using condoms, even though I'm on birth control, which helps keep my cycle normal. After I noticed it was drying me out, I made him take it off, and oh my God it's so much better. Feeling him finish inside me was indescribable really, intimate. Feeling him orgasm makes me orgasm too, so that's just awesome.

He's a great communicator, I love that he's so open with me, and I can be with him, he just seems to know what I want or need at any given time. I love that he can read me like that. We said that at about the same time when we were talking last night, after. It's a little weird, in that I'm not used to it, it happens a lot actually. Us seemingly thinking the same thing at the same time I mean.

Josh is 32, I'm 22.