So, I'm 17, my parents had me while they were still at school and three months after I was born my Dad disappeared, left my Mum with over £2000 worth of debt and eveything else was dealt with through the courts. When I was 12, my dad came back into my life. At first we just went out fot the occassional meal, there was a phone call now and then, then I started staying over at his house, with his new wife and daughter. Things were going pretty well, I got on with them all, we had fun, it was nice. I felt like everything I'd missed out on as a child was finally happening, all the blanks were being filled in. Throughout all of this my Dad lived about 80 miles away from me but drove to pick me up at weekends, paid for my train fair etc which made me feel special, that he cared enough about getting to know me and have me be his daughter that he was sacrificing his time and responsibilites to see me despite the difficulties. In Septemeber, my Dad and his family moved to a new house about 20 minutes away from me. You think this would be great, yeah? Basically, no. I haven't seen him since Spetember 7th and he's made contact with me maybe once since. I've sent him text messages and tried ringing him, but he's not getting back to me. I don't know where he lives or works to be able to go see him. Also, he's stopped paying money to my Mum for my care. For no apparent reason. I'm finding this all really upsetting. Like, he's walked out on me again and his new family are more important than me. Basically, I feel disposable. And without being able to contact him I don't know what's going on. I was just wondering whether anyone else has been in this situation and what you did.. Right now I'm contemplating just leaving it, forgetting whatever relationship that we managed to build up over 5 years and just moving on. I don't want to, I just want my Dad back, but if he's not willing to put the effort in, y'know, is there any point?
I've not been in this situation and I'm sorry to hear this, Precioso. It sounds very difficult and you feeling disposable is something I'm unfortunately familiar with also in the past in a different context. I know when I was going through something similar I had needed answers, and closure because I had no idea what was going on. They were here one moment and gone the next, and what they said they would do, they did not do. What they promised they said they would do, they did not. If anything the trust was shattered even though it's difficult not to continue caring in a way. I'm still finding it a little difficult at some moments and it strangely has adverse effects in other kinds of relationships I have. Perhaps there'll be someone else here who can give you better advice, or places for more support but the most I can say is - the best thing I did for myself was keep busy and try to enjoy everything else in life despite what's going on underneath. No expectations, literally, none. Because the person is simply not there in your life. I admire your strength to see so clearly. Truly, I hope things get better for you.
Hmmm, I'm 28 and still trying to connect with my father whom I've NEVER seen. Actually, my sister on his side is coming to visit me on Wednesday! She's about 6 mo. younger than me and we've only met once before. Anyway, she told me not to take it personal the way he acts first of all. He is just a jack ass. He has 4 kids (including me) that he never sees. Have you let him know that you are wanting to continue to grow a relationship with him? If so, the ball is in his court. My father and I emailed for a few months when we first got in contact @ 3 years ago now. It got to where I would write him and never hear from him. I finally wrote him saying that I will not contact again, but if he wants to, I'm there. Have yet to get a reply. But, he whines to my sis that he wants to make it up to me, she gives him ideas, but he NEVER follows through. The best thing I have found is to just get on with my life. Leave the door open for him to reenter-but don't hang out there waiting. Sorry if I sound pessamistic, but you can't make him want to be a father. He's shown you that he isn't one. Maybe he'll see the light one day, but don't set yourself up to get hurt over and over again.
It sounds like he isn't ready for his new family to meet you yet. He knows his responsibility and love for you. He's trying to Prep them. (I hope)
sounds like he is incapable of being the father you need. That doesn't make him a bad person, some people just aren't cut out for parenthood. Try to think of the good things you know about him and focus on them, because you are half him, like it or not, and hating a parent often leads to self-loathing. And then just forget trying to turn him into someone he will never be (a good father). If he ever comes back into your life, guard your emotions and don't let him hurt you when he drops off the face of the earth, again. ((((hugs))))
