what renders one a man

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by Fierce_Flawless, Jun 11, 2004.

  1. Fierce_Flawless

    Fierce_Flawless Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    i watched the flask drop from your hand

    it was then i knew you'd understand

    we're directionless

    and predictable

    we are defenseless

    invincible



    our bodies are impermanent

    someday we'll undress

    the strength we gain

    along the way

    is all that's left in death

    because maybe you're a god

    or maybe you're a sinner

    but either way i'd like to hold you

    like your mother did within her



    your breath on my chest

    is more than i could ever ask

    with tears like you've never cried before

    as you release your precious past



    you asked me once

    what renders one a man?

    now i am pounding at your door

    like water on the sand

    i have finally remembered

    it's the strength to understand
     
  2. HippieLngstckng

    HippieLngstckng Bringer of DOOM!!!

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    Mmm, that's deep and beautiful.
    I really like that last verse. Deep and powerful wisdom, my friend.
    I'm going to have to think about this one for awhile.
     
  3. NightOwl1331

    NightOwl1331 Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    Beautiful :)
     
  4. osiris

    osiris Senior Member

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    to take the suffering, to transform. to become. to know the moment when things can change and grasp it.

    much love :)
     
  5. saffronfrancisburnet

    saffronfrancisburnet Member

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    very lovely piece
    i love the passion you understand
    in a man .. woman the world.

    love n peace from saff....
     
  6. Crystaleyez

    Crystaleyez Member

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    I really really really really liked that poem. thank you
     
  7. borut16

    borut16 Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    I really like this poem!

    Is it just me or is it kind of erotic?
    You know, the whole man/woman thing?
    It might be just me, though.

    Very deep, touching and well-thought!

    Good job,
    Borut
     
  8. moonlightdelerium

    moonlightdelerium Senior Member

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    This is the kind of poetry I live to read.
     
  9. Applespark

    Applespark Ingredients:*Sugar*

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    That was an absolutely beautiful poem.
     
  10. Fierce_Flawless

    Fierce_Flawless Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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  11. skyfire

    skyfire Member

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    i found myself smiling at the little bits of ingenious in this piece...
     
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