What qualifies "bitching"

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Crystalsatreehugger, May 17, 2007.

  1. Is it when you tell someone how they "may" of wronged you and how it makes you feel...

    just because your a woman...

    or is it the first one, but with more attitude (and what kind of attitude, like if you just sound worried or concerned as opposed to pissed and ready to attack)...

    Just curious. I think guys USUALLY throw out the "your bitching" title just cuz they don't want to listen to what you have to say, or what you have to say makes them uncomfortable. It's a fuckin mind trick. If you say "your bitching", the woman in question stops whatever she's doing to avoid being "the bitch", out of fear of being one of them, in otherwords the women men view as bitches and talk down about.

    Fucking brillant if you ask me, but I think I know better so your male jedi mind tricks won't work on me! :)
     
  2. are you guys afraid to answer because the women might "bitch" about it.

    come on... what do you guys see as bitching? women too...
     
  3. Poem~Girl

    Poem~Girl Member

    So may i ask why your bitching on here!! its complaining man. they ignore woman that go on about one topic for so long because guys brains multitask like ours but they can only stay occupied for so long?


    Their intentions aren't to harm us or to cut us off i don't think (some may ya) depending n the type of guy . But you can't generalize if you have some things in common with other guys thats one thing but if your totaly going off topic with guys period their brains aren't willing to stay in tact with that. I guess thats how their wired.
     
  4. hippie_chick666

    hippie_chick666 Senior Member

    Right on Poem~Girl!

    Peace and love
     
  5. Poem~Girl

    Poem~Girl Member

  6. Poem~Girl

    Poem~Girl Member

    A good book to read is Men are from mars women are from venus. Than you'll understand.
     
  7. moon_flower

    moon_flower Banned

    I asked my boyfriend that because he tells me I'm bitching a lot.
    He said it's just mainly because he really just doesn't want to hear anything that might make us argue. Even though when he says I'm bitching, I just keep at it only louder and we fight anyway. Then, we make up.
     
  8. Poem~Girl

    Poem~Girl Member

    If i may add I am a motor mouth and can talk a mile a minute where as my husband is a very quiet keep to himself type a guy. I never know when hes actually listening to me because he sometimes don't answer uh huh or ya or give me a cue that hes listening to what i'm saying. Quite frankly if i may be blunt if i had to listen to me all day i'd wear ear plugs!!


    Jk
    But honestly Guys are just like that because they are in a different chapter than us.
    I also sometimes get loud and say "What didn't you hear what i say, I did speak english you know" . But there is no way around TRYING to YELL, because yelling and arguing will only make the kettle boil over. And i'm speaking for myself as well. I have a hard time when i'm not heard and i get angry i just want to be understood properly and its like dammit why aren't we communicating properly. I from now on am just going to take a 10 sec breather or a 20 sec breather no sense in having a Negative environment, when love can filter through the air and blossom all around.
    I understand when theres Several and severe TYPES of relationships that are either in danger or that NEED TLC or absolute comunication skills BUT what relationship doesn't. EVERY relationship has their ups and downs some way shape or form. I just thought i'd share this little blurb. I'm rambling on. But its getting kinda late. I'm no councellor or professional to say the least but i can certainly help someone when they are in need, or have a problem that needs a shoulder.

    Take care

    Its 2:30 am

    See ya all some other day
     
  9. bitching is when somebody says something with malice. if you are just explaining how you have been done wrong, no that is not bitching. you have a right to stand up for yourself. take no shit!
     
  10. Poem~Girl

    Poem~Girl Member

    • intr
      1. To complain or talk bitchily.
      • Form: bitch about someone (especially)
      2. To mess it up or spoil it.
      • Form: bitch something up (often)
    Etymology: Anglo-Saxon bicce.

    found in allwords.com

    point proven!
     
  11. Kaid

    Kaid Member

    Partially true. I think it has more to do with facing the fact that you are in a fight. It is just about hurting each other at that point. Neither side cares what the other is saying. So pretty much it is pointless. These are failures in communication. Some people communicate better then others but it starts with both parties being willing to be wrong and actually listen. The fights just deteriate the relationship more and more. So try to really talk it out, ignore it or move on if it is unpleasant, the fighting isn't accomplishing anything.
     
  12. I try to explain to my man if we can properly talk about something, than we don't have to fight about it. We tend to get explosive when there's a problem, but yet we're lovely dovey the rest of the time. Yes I could shrug my shoulders and be like "whatever", like he is, and sometime I wish I could, but I have a hard time doing it.

    My psychology book talks about how women are raised to be introspective and work things through in their head, which can lead to depression. While men are trained to distract themselves, which leads to more postitve thoughts. And let me tell you, my man tries sooo hard to change the convo (distract). but it's hard for me to talk about bs (like what kind of soap I might want to buy sometime this week) when somethings on my mind that at least matters to me.

    So I want to change. But is it nature or nurture? Am I like this b/c I'm a woman, a capricorn, an american, white, or is it because I was raised to be this way.

    And should I be the ONLY one to change. If he can't then I suppose I must, because I love him and want it to work out.
     
  13. I agree. but my man obviously disagrees. I think he sees it as bitching if what I say has to do with him... lol.
     
  14. I've read it. Good book. Good insights. maybe I just need to read it again.

    And btw everyone else, we weren't fighting. I was just pointing out something he did, and my resulting uncomfortableness. He gets defensive pretty easily, and instead of accepting what I say, he wants to invalidate it, so he's not at any fault. (When we do fight I hear "whatever" and "I didn't do anything" at least 10 times before I hear "I didn't mean to come across that way, it wasn't my intent" which he doesn't even say until I tell him thats how I wish he would respond to my "bitching")

    I just want to learn how to get my "bitchiness" to come across to him as "peace keeping", or "putting up boundaries". And yes I'm ready to accept maybe it's just me with a problem, though I doubt it. I think we both have trouble communicating. Me with too much. Him with too little.
     
  15. Poem~Girl

    Poem~Girl Member

    if you know how your other half is like. (this i'm saying without harm) before opening up your mouth think about what your going to say, your body language how your saying and where your saying it. Are you speaking down to him, is he not understanding you because of your tone of voice etc....


    Many of times i've had my hands on my hips and just been tired but its seemed to my husband i was snotty ... But i meant nothing to harm him. Also keep in mind the door swings both ways

    * with open communication keep your ears and eyes and heart Open because you don't want to offend the other person.

    Example; Can i talk to you for a second everything is okay its not that important. just keep him aware that you still want to speak with him.
     
  16. he thinks i talk with a tone. to me it's a serious tone but not bitchy or harmful or hateful, just serious. He tells me to stop with it, but I don't feel like I can... that easily.

    I never learned to hide my feelings. I wear them on the outside. It's good b/c I don't bottle them up, but it's bad cuz he wants me to tell him, I guess, in an unemotional way, and I feel like I can't, or can't easily. I have to seriously change to change that. I never learned how to FRONT!

    ::shrugs:: I want to change. but telling me he doesn't like my voice when I'm serious when it is not purposely harmful, It's hard for me to come to grips with that. How can I expain serious stuff with an unserious attitude?
     
  17. Bella Désordre

    Bella Désordre Charmed

    depends on the guy ;)
     
  18. MegaCore

    MegaCore Member

    my boyfreind bitches more than i do, actually no he complains & worrys alot, but i think what actually qualifies as bitching is when you word things with malice, i mean if you want to bring to someones attention something thats bothering or hurting you, there is no reason why you need to decorate it with insulting language or embellish it in manipulating ways, just be honest about how it makes you feel & suggestive about what they could do to improve the sitch, if that doesnt work then they are the one at fault.....
     
  19. Kaid

    Kaid Member

    It doesn't matter why, you are who you are. He is who he is. It is possible to love someone and not be compatible communication wise.

    Again its the you against him. You BOTH have to want to communicate openly to avoid fights. You can't force someone else, you can only explain yourself. You are going to fight every once in awhile and you won't always agree but you should be able to get through most things by calmly talking through problems. When you work on this both of you should be feeling relief that you can be honest with each other and not start a battle.
     
  20. mlee27

    mlee27 Member

    in my experience with my boyfriend anything that has to do with my job or like adult issues ie: bills, yardwork, i'm always bitching to him.
     

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