What Lenghts Would You Go To Save A Friend

Let's say your friend was going downhill, I mean your best bud. And the ones that were draging them down was their no account grown kids. Would you.

A. Tell your friend that her kids were ruining her life and take a chance on losing your friend.
B. Sit back and watch your friend go down in flames and lose your friend.
C. Tell someone else so they can deal with it and lose your friend.
D. Kiss everyones ass so you look like the good guy.
E. Tell the truth and shine the light on the darkness and let all be told in detail and who is all involved and lose your friend.

It sound like a no win situation.. But to sacrifice your friendship and save the person from ruination knowing that the friendship will be lost whatever you do bc of the Mother thing but still willing to make the sacrifice bc it is the right thing to do, or not?

 

Very carefully drift to the topic and see if she wants to talk about it. She probably already knows and may want to talk. Or she already knows and accepts it the way it is as they are her kids. Just see if she wants to talk. Don't "tell" her anything. Talk "with" her.

 

Ohh she knows alright..her kids are 'pillbellys', 2 of her daughters have been to prison for several crimes apiece, the oldest has been twice.. I was able to get the oldest one out.. (they live on my property)..not that I try to run my friends life, but she is now taking way too many pills herself..
her husband was killed on Thanksgiving day, drunk driving, he was 43... she and him were taking pills together for several yrs and when he died I was able to get her off the pills.. now her stinking kids came up here to drain her insurance money and take over her life.. the oldest one has the FBI after them and is why I kicked her off the property.
I have tried on many occations to 'talk' with her about it, but with her bulldogs (kids) around, there is no way.. plus she is in denial. She claims that she isn't taking that many, but when I see her she is so 'down' she can't speak or stand up. Her daughters, the same..
My friend had made some good plans, going back to school to further her education and get a better paying job, she bought a new computer so she could take internet courses, she hasn't even been on her new pc bc she gets so fucked up. She has let everything slide since her lovely daughters appeared, even forgot to keep in touch with the insurance co, and fucked off the 25,000 she was suppose to get bc the air bag failed to release.. her oldest girl took my friends new car her hubby bought her right before he died and wrecked it bc she was sooo fucked up on pills.
My friend lied to me and said she herself wrecked it.. a lie between friends ends friendships.. of course I found out the truth bc ya can't keep secrets in a family... yes my friend is family....
I don't tell her her kids are fucked up.. she knows they are.. but they got her by the balls and wont let go... my friend and I have not spoken now in a week.. it hard bc she lives next door and it's not like I can just forgetaboutit... I see them everyday, but now they stick their noses up at me when they pass..
I do not like bad vibes being aimed at me on my own property, and I want the other girl gone too..there is so much more to the story but can't write everything...
I believe I have already lost mjy friend, but there s still a chance that I may save her from herself by kicking out the other daughter..
We have been friends for about 20 yrs, but became best buds when she n her hubby moved into one of our mobile homes 7 yrs ago..."the family' thinks I'm jealous of her kids and the time she spends with them.. I thought about this and did some soul searching and can only say.. no.. it's not jealousy, it's concern for my friend... friends don't let friends drive drunk, so, is this the same thing, or should I just let her go down in flames.

 

Never just let someone go down in flames. If you care for her you should speak up. She is your friend of what I think you said like over 20 years. And if she is really your friend she will listen to what you have to say. But remember that if she is on pills it sounds like downers she is taking she may take things the wrong way. Point things out to her give her examples of whats been going on right in front of her own eyes. She may become defensive. Just hang with her if she is worth it to you. If she rejects you and you lose her maybe she wasn't really your friend after all but at least in your heart you will know you tried to help her.

Peace

 

Take the initial steps for eviction. Explain to her that you love her and wish the best for her, but that you can't tolerate the current situation. Explain to her that when she is again ready to change and try to improve her live, that you will be there for her, but until then you will have to part company. Consider expressing this in written form so that she might read it again down the road when she is more receptive.

 

Dearest SH~ Hey lady. Well here's my 2 cents: from what is going on with your Dear Friend, I'd say you already have lost her. For the meantime anyway. She isn't present. She's morning her Husband. She's entangled in a dysfunctional drama with the offspring. And she's not in *real* communication (hazed out by pills and mother-guilt)..

I have done every thing on your list for a friend . I am having flashbacks as we speak. I'm empathizing with you all the way for REAL. I've lost friends by addictions, dysfunctional scenarios that alienate, a just plain ol' Death by some vice or another. I'm sorry that your are suffering. Esp. since it's such a long, long time friend. I'm sure there is a bond there unique onto the universe.

She's having a real unhealthy grieving process that is bad enough that it should be treated by professionals. Sad to sound so straight and corny here, but it's the PILLS that are running that house. Not the dysfunctional daughters. Tho, I'm wondering how they go so far off track, and seeing how much "mother guilt" that your friend is displaying.

I am wondering is it "INTERVENTION TIME" ? Is it a rock bottom for her?
I'd say to remember who she *was* before, that's who you miss.

I'd say weather this storm, make a plan. Be shameless , and go over there with her favorite baked good early in the morning (as younger folk tend to sleep in more) and make coffee with her and "be" with her, make a little album of the both of you and share it with her, then try to get her to go & do something with you at least once a week, then increase your presence in her life gradually. Then try to find some healthy method to dry her out, be with her pain, encourage her to vent out the pain of loss & grief.

Use that connection with her. Declare your undying devotion to your friendship with her. Fuck the adult-rug-rats milling about. "dear friend" I love you and I see you are suffering so much. Please, let me be near you now, so that I can see you through. We can get through this together.

I've done this type of thing. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Be open to the fact that it might not. I can empathize, I still miss some of my dear friends.

So what then? You own the trailer that they live in? Are the daughters in violation of the occupation agreement?

I would be shameless and not be intimidated by the "noses up in the air" crap. Just voice out, but do it in a way that isn't negative but proactive and encouraging. Validate their feelings. When encountering one of the "noses up in the air" daughters, say something like: wow, I guess this is uncomfortable to you too, I wish we could just get along again. I miss being close to your mom.

Be brave. I know you can do it. I hope this helps.

 

I appericiate everyones comments and suggestions, thank you for taking the time to respond.. I have come to the conclussion that I can no longer be of service to (my friend). Her and her offspring will have to float their own boat. Kim left friday before daybreak on the guise of visiting her gdaughter.. thing is, that's were the pill doc is too.. Last month she took off two days of work to drive 300 mls to get pills, this month she took off 4 days and her daughter was suppose to stay and feed her dog.. well, the daughter followed her down there she was afraid all the pills would be gone if she stayed up here.and left the dog to starve to death in the trailor. I should call the humane society. I don't know what the fuck to do. I have a key, I gave her the dog when it was a puppy two yrs ago and she, or I thought she adored her, well she did adore her, but now all she cares about are the stinkin pills. If I reacue the dog, then I am still being taken advantage of (again), if I leave the dog alone, it may die before she returns on monday.. so now I am doubly upset.. we also just layed new carpet down in the trailor and the dog has been locked up in the house three days shitting and pissing on the new carpet.. I will go this morning and let the dog out and feed her and water her, not bc I am a chump but because I don't want the dog to die like that.. she is my grandpuppy after all... she'll just blame it on her daughter, as she left the daughter to dog sit.

The daughter call last night to talk to my nephew.. she also has a 8 week old puppy over there, but the pup is outside in a fence, she wanted my nephew to feed it bc she took off. she was soo fucked up on pills when she called I could barely understand her. She never did mention her mamas dog whom she was respondsible for.

I am going to have to seperate myself her this bs b4 I jump someones ass, and again be the bad guy. Not to mention, that my hubbys family is not talking to me, bc I kicked out the daughters. It funny how ppl change their minds so quickly, esp when they don't know what is really going down. Ohh, they know about the pills, but that don't seem to make a difference to them bc poor little Kim needs to chill with her pill.

Now I am just pissed, they can all hit the bricks as far as I am concerned. My life has been turned upsidedown for months now bc of this crap.. why should I have to share their Karma, when I don't partisapate in their BS, it's always me n Lynn left holding someone elses bag of shit. While they dance away shit free.

I could 'spell' em but that wouldn't solve anything, it would then just be temporary and I would have to handle the karma of that.. so here I sit, damned if I do and damned if I don't.. this sucks. I will however rescue the dog regardless.

If I let the dog die, that would probably force Kim to break away from her distructive kid, but then I would be responsible for letting it die, I like the dog, it's not her fault. Did I mention that the kid ust wrecked her mamas new car.. brand new!! bc she was fucked up on pills.. that's when they LIES really started, or when I caught on to the lie and what makes it worse, Kim lied to me and said she wrecked her own car, while everyone else knew Crystal wrecked it bc she was wasted on pills at work and they sent her home and she could drive and hit a stopsign..everyone knows what up, and I hear everything that goes on, and the rumor is.. Dont Tell Mary!! Dont tell me, just live in my dead daughters house and conspire against me while I turn myself inside out trying to elp.. I can't take it any more. It's causing me grief. I can't ignore it, it's right in my back yard. I can feel the tension even while I'm asleep. I can't find my higher self in this matter, I'm too close to it I think. I don't what this to damage my spirit. But it is making me bitter.

I want to thank you all for listening to me.. I don't have anyone that is not in the family to talk to about this.

Love n Light
sh

Now I'm wondering if I should just take the dog back.. this isnt the first time she's been left alone for days.

 

I decided to just go about my biz as I have found my center.

Succulent my dear, I'm sorry to hear you had simular incidents on you journey also. I think ppl like us are choson to be guiding lights, or draw it to us as lesson we still need to learn and grow from.. or both, learn as you teach

Sometimes it gets so close you can't see the forest for the trees. As I stepped back and took a look at the big picture and saw it quiet clearly, with out the emotional attachment I was able to draw something from it.. perhaps just a reconformation that some are still unconscious. That, untill they 'wake up' from their unconscious state there is no reaching them and that throwing good energy after bad with only depleate me.

How ever the situation goes, I did 'stepup' and at least try. I have turned it over to the Universe to deal with, as my message is being blocked and there are no line of comunication open at this time.

If one refuses to see, there is nothing I can do to lift the vail of decite, said one will have to learn in whichever way her karma flows. Her own Guilt is what is stumbling her and dictating her fate.

Everything you all have said is good advise and I do thank you all.. it helped me get through this in one peice.

Bright Blessings
sh

 

Sounds like the best thing to do is let go. And work your way through it on your own. You did the best you could so feel good about that. If people don't want help you just can't force it on them. Hope the dogs are alright no sense in them suffering because of non caring people. Stay strong.

Peace

 

Sorry for your problems with your friend.
300 miles to go to some Dr to get pills? You can bet she's not the only one going to see this dr. And this is not the only family suffering because of it.
If you know the name of the doctor, an anonymous 5 minute call to his/her state's board of medicine or dept of health and human services might put a stop to it....for a while, at least. Of course, people who want pills will always find some way to get them.

 

I'd tell my friend that I love her and that she can stay as long as she likes but that you can longer have her children stay on your property or even visit but you will understand if she wants to be with her children. Then tell her if she decides to leave, that if she wants to come back, you will welcome her with open arms but unless her children change they are no longer welcome.

If she's an old hippy you could even use the old vibration Ills. and tell her that her children are giving you and the property a bad vib and to bring back the good vibs, they need to go. Then you don't have to get into detailing all the bad things they're doing.

 

Droppin' a dime is not an option, I'm hippie after all. I do think however, that this pill thing is getting way outta control. I can't see what is so depressing in a 20/25 yr olds life that would drive them to stayed fucked 24/7 on downers. Who wants to have their chin in their chest and drooling all over themselves, slurring words and stumbling around like a drunken sailor, unable to make any contribution to life whatsoever. What a waste of flesh and bone.

I don't have a problem with ppl getting high, but, downers are not getting high, they're getting you down. Slowing down you brain and body activity and creating a bad inviroment for your Being, drawing bad energy to you.

I don't see a willingness to change the pattern of their behavior. After two prison trems, rehab and a near death experience with her liver, it hasn't made any difference, it's just getting worse. My Spirit suffers as I agonise over watching this happen.

If I can find the right time/place, I will make one last attempt to talk with Kim and hope I will be able to walk away without any contempt pointed at me. She is very defencive about her kids lately. Acctually there is only one kid left, the worse one, Crystal. I think it may be too late for Kim, as she like her pills too and is blinded from the truth bc of what the karma from the negitive brings.

Day before yesterday Kim came over and actually stayed for a couple of hrs, we sat outside under the trees and it was like it use to be, laughing and joking around. Last night both her and Crystal came over and Kim never even came in to say hi. I didn't know they were there till later. It kinda hurt my feelings, but I will grow past it.

Thank you old brother for your sage advise.

Bright Blessings
sh

 

Well, I sure am sorry for what is going on for you. It's sad. I don't know why someone would want to be drugged out and sleeping all the time. To me that's boring. I like to be hyped up and happy. Everybody has their own thing they like though...who am I to judge? Alot of my friends like it.
I guess I just think it's rude for her dr to try to make money off people's suffering. I mean, if she can do it recreationally, great, but it sounds like it's taking over her life. And it doesn't sound like the kids are helping. I mean (and obviously its not as wrong as THIS was) it kind of reminds me of this pharmacist in Kansas City (TRUE STORY!) who was pocketing the money from cancer fighting drugs and painkillers, and giving cancer patients junk, like saline water etc. That happened about 5-6 years ago, and it REALLY happened. Who knows how many of those people might have lived if they had gotten the proper medication? He made a shit ton of money off of it, the bastard. People who just try to capitalize off others don't deserve to be in positions where they can do that, and I hope that pharmacist enjoys all the butt sex he's likely getting now. And I hope he dies, goes to hell, and gets more of it.
I hope you can work your stuff out with your friend. I had someone whom I'd been friends with for years decided all of a sudden she didn't want anything to do with me....it was bizarre, and came out of nowhere literally. She just decided that she hated me. I was baffled, and more hurt than I ever had been by breaking up with a guy. It took me like 6 months to get even sort of over it. When it's your girlfriends, it just sucks.
Now my friend wants to make up to me....I am....nervous, but trying to put the past behind us. I always believe in a second chance for almost anyone.
My heart is sad for you, and I send you good karma. You deserve it, for being such good friend.
Take care...peace

 

It sounds like you are blaming your friend's pill use on her kids.

That won't work, getting her to accept responsibility for her own actions is part of all of the "stop drug abuse" programs I've heard of.

Your friend needs help in being strong enough to be sober, not help in blaming her weakness on her children.

 

I'm not really blaming her kids, just saying it got over the top when her kids got here.. hey these kids are BAD Girls, they robbed the next door neighbor for pills and money, one hooks. I'm telling you they double team her and gets her way confussed and the they rip her and everyone else off. She was down to ONE pill a day before her kids got there. I know she has an addiction and we just about had it licked.

The good news is that the daughter Crystal got a wild hair and took off for san antone friday afternoon, bad thing is she took the car and never paid the 2gs back to her mama, par for the course,. I doubt if she will be back anytime soon. Kim's chin hasn't been in her chest since then. I think we're gonna make it atfer all.

Bright Blessings and thanks for all your concern.
sh

 

go to hot topic...buy a studded belt..and teach her how to hit her kids with hit

 

A or E. I don't think I would lose my friend though. We're close enough that I think we'll be tight for a good long while.

 

I also believe in second chances but I'd have to ask what happened the first time, just to make sure it doesn't happen again.

 

Agreed.

 

in my opinion, id go to hell and back to save my friends. no matter what problem i would help. i feel all my friends i share a bond of brotherhood and sisterhood. i would give my life to save them and keep them happy. friends are everything to me, even if known a short while, a bond lasts forever.