What is your favorite stoned quote?

My top two are:
"Dude, I can't remember how to get in my bed!"
"Watch out for the-(friend falls down the stairs) ugh...Stairs."

 

"Hey, uh which country won the civil war?"

 

"dude, i have no face!!"

 

"The big dipper can rot like jesus"

 

Me about Long Trail beer which has the quote "A taste of Vermont":

"A taste of vermont? I swear if this tastes like cheddar cheese and maple syrup I'm gonna kill someone".


A high biker in Daytona Beach during bike week after I asked him for some weed:
Him: "Why do you want weed?"
Me: "Because I like it"
Him: "It's not about like, it's about God"
That guy was so cool though. Me and my cousin just sat outside with him by the pool and he passed around J's as he drank a beer and we talked about life with him.

 

"what year is it?"

"dude"

"holy shit im a toad!"

"Where am I?"

 

its from a cartoon...but they were stoned, lol.

"the only reason we die...is because we accept it, as an inevitability...OOOOO think about that one for a minute"

 

"..."

the most powerful quote in existence.

 

"I bring the clouds every morning, man. I go out into my secret spot, climb a huge ladder, hit a two-story bong with a little help from my friends, and make smokey fuckin' clouds."

Also, done in a weird voice: "Fists of Rage!"

 

"dude, what if the rain wasnt wet" (i was coming to a spiritual awakening)

later, when i was running to my car, which was out in the rain my friend said : "dude, just remember, the rain isnt really wet"

 

gaum, that's some crazy deep stuff there. i like it, a lot.

Hm, not so much a quote here, more of an anecdote.

*holds eyedrop bottle over eyes and squeezes* *continues talking and holding it there for about five minutes before realizing nothing is coming out*

me: oh, hey, check this out, i'm not getting any drops
him: oh shit, man....
me: *still holding it there above my eye* Oh... maybe it's clogged? Or empty?
him: Yeah, that's it!
me: *takes it down* *examines* oh.
*takes the top off*
together: *hysterical laughter*

....

"If barbeque chips were small woodland creatures, I'd hunt them. I mean, fuck yeah i would."

 

Dude..you farted xD

Best quote ever, farts are so funny stoned

 

farts are always funny, especially at real serious places, like funerals

 

Friend 1:
"Dude, we should prolly get outta here. The cops are gonna come."
Friend 2:
"Alright man"
20 minutes and 2 bowls later
"OH YEAH lets go."

 

haha i laughed at that for like 5 minutes

 

is that a shot at me?

 

Brilliant, happens all the time.

 

haha no and I'm sorry if it came off that way.

I just legitimately think that a quote of silence is far more powerful than any spoken quote. silence is something every living thing can produce and at some points in time it is all we can do.

 

Me, attempting to order a half-dozen donuts:

Me: "Give me a half a dozen donuts"
*I select six...and then keep going*
Worker: "Um you said you wanted a half dozen"
Me: "Oh, I want 12"
Worker: "That's a dozen donuts"
Me: "Well I want half a dozen"
Worker: "Yeah, that's 6"
Me: "But I want 12, so give me a half dozen"
My Friend: "Just get six dude."
Worker: "Total comes to 7.65"
*I hand him a five dollar bill and wait for my change*
Worker: "It's $7.65"
Me: "Oh shit, yeah...here" *I hand him another 3 and walk out, forgetting my change in the first place*
------------
I was pretty stoned.

 

"Dude you just walked through a screen door"
"What screen door, man?"