The last couple of months I haven't been happy at all. first, my mother had alot of stress she even fainted when coming to pick me up from school she fainted and had to be taken to the hospital I was there with her, then my grandmother died in march, my mom then had a small depression (she has medecation now, so it's alot better) her and my dad fought alot to the moment it exploded and she threw a candle and a glass to the wall and started beating him (I saw this, thank god my sister and her boyfriend were there and they calmed them down and about an hour later it was like nothing happened...). My parents can't seem to communicate with eachother or with me... My dad is always screaming to me, always mad and it's like he's craving for my attention we used have a fine relationship, he was a calm person. But a few years ago he had trouble with hyperventilation, had medication for it and since then he's changed. When I come home, it's never calm and I don't find the rest someone needs to have when they get home, always fighting and yelling for the smallest things. I just want some peace and quiet. I don't like going to school anymore, I ditch alot of classes, I don't do shit at home for my schoolwork. I'm go to an art-school and I used to love drawing and painting. Now I don't care for it at all. The teachers are full of crap, and I'm just not interested in anything anymore. Then there's the situation I have with a guy, he used to be like almost my best friend. But then I screwed up and fell in love with him, and I fell hard. But the situation is complicated, his ex broke up with him more than a year ago, she dumped him for his best friend, after first making him feel like he was worthless. I met him short afterwards, and this summer was great. Everyweekend together with our friends. He always came to sit to me and talk to me. Nights that he had been drinking, he put his arm around me, held my hand, fell asleep in my lap. He told me I was acctually his best friend. Everything was going great, I was happy when I was with him. Everybody told me he was interested, that it was pretty obvious. Then in september, at a party we ended up together under a blanket, we kissed. And after that this have gotten worse. I talked to him about it and he said he doesn't want anything and he's not thinking about that right now...That he's unhappy. I'm worried about him, his mother has cancer and is probablly going to die, his parents are divorced, last week he went to live with his sister because he had a row with his dad's new girlfriend who he doesn't like at all. The problem is, he doesn't talk to me anymore, since we kissed and since he knows that I have feelings for him, it's like he doesn't know how to act. I think he may be confused. But I care for him so much and it does hurt to talk to him and to even see him but I would rather have that then never speak to him again. I can't understand why he is avoiding me? I want to help him with all his problems I want him to be happy. But I also don't want to push myself back into his life...if he doesn't want that. He said I could always talk to him, but what is this?? Then there's a guy at my school who's in love with me, he has alot of troubles at home too. I told him no, but I feel so bad about that, cause I know what it feels to be rejected. And he has already such low selfesteem, just like the other guy...I don't want to make that worse, but it looks like I have... I crashed two weeks ago, my friends tried to comfort me. But I just kept crying. Last week I saw the first guy, he didn't say a word. He smiled a couple of times and waved when I went home. I feel horrible. I think it's about 2-3 months now that I'm crying everyday, I feel numb the whole day at school, when I'm alone on the train or at home I start thinking and I start crying. I'm sooo tired, I have headaches, stomachaches, I'm never hungry (I do eat though). I can't remember the last day that I've been happy. I just want this to end because it's sad. I hate feeling pathetic. I want to be strong but it's like since I fell in love that something inside me has broken and I'm crying and hurting for everything that happened in the past and that's happening now. I worry about him, I worry about my friends, about my parents. What is this? I want to feel normal again? Is this just a phase? A hole that I need to get out of? Because everyday I feel worse, I thought it would get better, but it won't. This isn't depression is it? I don't think so... stress maybe? xx
So no one has any advice on how I can make myself feel better? Or what the real problem or cause is of me feeling so bad?
it sounds like depression and stress, and the two probably perpetuate each other. find something you like to do, like a hobbie or something to spend a little less time at home. smoking weed always helps me, so you could try that!
See a trained professional or a therapist. You are going through an extremely difficult time in your life and you need real help, not some random opinions from people who don't know you. If there is a disorder which is causing your feelings, you may be recommended to see a psychiatrist. If the therapist believes this is stress, they will help you develop healthy ways to deal with stress. Above all, don't feel guilty about the 1st guy. He has enough problems to deal w/ and he may not want to bring you down with him. You can't be 100% sure of what's going through his head, so try to distance yourself from his situation. Being upset about him isn't going to help him in any way, it's only going to hurt you. You have to be able to take care and love yourself before you can help or love anyone else. A therapist will help you learn to accept that he is not your responsibility. That may sound harsh, but it's true- how can you help someone who doesn't want or seek your help? If he wanted your help, you would be the first person he would contact. Some people like to suffer by themselves and there's nothing you can do. I learned this the hard way, w/ the help of a therapist. BTW, smoking weed can worsen depression in certain people. It is never a good idea to promote drug usage to someone who obviously needs help. Different people have different reactions to it. It may help you, but how do you know that it isn't going to hurt this person that you don't even know? My fiance is an example of someone who should NEVER smoke weed; he gets extremely paranoid and mentally unstable when he smokes weed. Peace and love
You seem to exhibit some symptoms of depression. Better see your physician to see what s/he thinks. It may not seem like much at first but in very many causes this is exactly how depression gets started. And it isn't going to get better on its own.
