What is Marriage counselling like?

I apologize if there has been a thread about this, but I couldn't find the search option.
What is discussed? It is just a bunch of venting sessions until the counsellor makes a decision on who is wrong? Is the venting together, or apart? I think that there was a marriage show on the tv once, and the couples were given homework... (?). Is it like being in front of a judge so to speak? I have serious reservations about going to counselling such as; if it were a guy counsellor, the wife would say "of course he's telling me to have sex, he's a guy" .. And i'm afraid that if it were a lady, that she would not have any kind of understanding on why i need to work so hard to do upkeep on a multi-acre farm property and run a full time business, and instead that I should be inside cleaning the house on a sunny Saturday afternoon. (No offense to the ladies here) And of course if she said that I was asking too much to be begging to make love, then wife would go with that and be happy to never have sex again. And i have been trying SO hard to get wife to talk to me and tell me why she won't make love to me (including keeping the house clean and doing the laundry, etc), i really don't think that she would give truthful answers to a counsillor... just enough answers to get by and not have to tell me why she finds me so disgusting.
Sorry for the long winded vent session... but i just got told to screw off again. Argh. If anyone has been through counselling and can give me some insight to how it works, it would be greatly appreciated. Cheers!!

 

First of all you don't have to be so apologetic here. Many of us have problems and I believe most of us are interested in hearing you out.

Ok my experience, they listen to both of you. And the homework they give are effective. They do not take sides. They also help each of you to see the other's words and actions in very different perspective.

In my opinion, you should try marriage counseling. If possible try more than one counselor. Please do not overthink and go with an open mind.

Best regards

 

Full disclosure: I have a Master's in Social Work.
No; marriage & family therapists aren't like judges or arbiters; they don't hear evidence and decide who's wrong. They're more like a referee; trying to enable both parties to be heard in a neutral, safe, non-judgemental environment. The overall gist of it is the notion that communication in the marriage has broken down to the extent that it now requires a professional facilitator to assist both parties with working things out. "Working things out" might have a goal of reestablishing communication and personal boundaries, and reminding each other of their mutual interests and affections. It might set the bar much lower; an amicable divorce instead of a nuclear scorched-earth one; landing a crashing plane where at least everyone gets to walk away, bloody but alive. Where it goes is self-directed by the clients, not the therapist. For what it's worth, I think competent marriage counseling can be very helpful to folks. I also think that marriage & family therapists are a lot like cardiologists; the sooner the better. Don't wait 'till it's a full-blown, 5-alarm toxic dumpster fire and then expect miracles.
My first experience with marriage counseling; my mate had been seeing the guy individually (and covertly) for some time, helping her sort her feelings and decide what she wanted to do. I was not part of that process until her very last appointment, where I was informed that we're getting divorced.
My second experience with marriage counseling; my alcoholic spouse wanted me pilloried. The therapist refused. She left in a huff. That was the end of that; one session only. Some time later, she ended up drunk-dialing her secret lover at 4:00 AM to profess her undying love and devotion, at which point the guy's wife put her on speakerphone.
Current status; married to someone who wanders the house all the day with an "EMF detector" app on her phone, wanders the property all night investigating the strange lights she sees, and prattles on continuously all day (night, too; sometimes waking me at 3:00 AM) about the Mexican drug cartels and their energy beam weapons bombarding our house (in a rural retirement community of elderly bourgeois White people 3,000 miles from Mexico) with ultrasonic/EMF/Lasers (none of which she could accurately define), hacking our computers, tapping our phones, bugging our house, and stealing her day lilies and irises, sneakily replacing them in the night with sub-standard specimens. We're surrounded by them; they signal each other through the street lights.

 

If you have a female marriage counselor, everything is gonna be your fault.

 

You're kidding, right?

 

Its sometimes not very good for the marriage counsellor when the couple start blaming each other and things are thrown.

 

I wish I was.