What is femininity? What is masculinity?

I wasn't sure where to post this. I thought I'd get the most responses and insight here.

My ex often mentions how he's "feminine" and I really have just never seen it.
This morning when he was skipping a shower , I asked "what exactly makes you feminine?" (it's certainly not skipping showers). He got offended and this started a discussion.

What exactly is femininity? What is masculinity?

As a woman, I guess I realized that the core of being feminine is having female anatomy- genitals, breasts, being able to bear children. Then the other things that can entail femininity are all based on perspective. One person can claim something is feminine and then next person can claim it's masculine.

I think most people would agree on certain traits or hobbies to be masculine or feminine but there's probably always going to be someone who sees it differently. Is being "strong" masculine or feminine? Are men or women stronger? That can be debated.

In the end, he wasn't really able to tell me what makes him "feminine." He said "well, I'm sensitive." I would argue that isn't necessarily a female trait, but a human trait that both men and women can posses.

I'm still trying to understand the difference between masculinity and femininity so I thought I'd ask people's opinions here. It seems in this day and age it has sort of become blended.

Are women and men only different biologically? How would you define femininity and how would you define masculinity?

 

I think that the biggest one is that women are more expressive with their emotions, while men are more reserved/less expressive. Men are supposed to be providers and women are supposed to be domestic. Men are supposed to be assertive/aggressive and women are supposed to be submissive/passive. And women tend to use more hand gestures while speaking.

Physical strength is part of that but I don't think it's a dealbreaker.

 

You used the word "supposed to be" a lot...so i wonder if all of these are learned behaviors. Are men and women naturally these things? Is it all just learned? Men are told they shouldn't cry and express their feelings. I think that's wrong.

 

Very true, but being sensitive when you are a man is looked down upon, at least in the US but I imagine many other countries as well. It is "seen" as a feminine trait and if you are a guy and sensitive you must be "gay". (I'm not gay bashing by saying that)

 

The way I see it...femininity is more nurturing and intuitive...masculinity is more shielding and logical. That said we're all supposed to have both feminine and masculine traits. I find that while I'm very nurturing and intuitive, I am almost equally shielding and masculine so that doesn't make me particularly feminine, except that I look feminine. Sometimes one side dominates, usually the feminine, but I believe due to gender stereotypes, men and women have been conditioned to be completely feminine or masculine and that is not balanced, since we have "masculine" and "feminine" hormones.

 

I don't think it's always learned... sometimes it probably is.

I'm mostly saying 'supposed to be' because masculine and feminine are definitely constructs that some people fit into better than others, which sort of invalidates/excludes people who don't fit into them and structures society in an unequal way.

Good for you for not caring about it.

 

I'm thinking in the hormonal, physiological sense, although of course hormonal differences abound.

 

I couldn't date a girl stronger then me.

"Could you open this jar of pickles?" :love:

Also pickles are a deal breaker. Blech.

 

I'm a very small woman who has been stronger and more able to open jars and as equally able to lift things as men a foot taller than me. I am a somewhat masculine woman...no one can tell by looking at me (not that it's a bad thing, in fact I wish I looked more masculine) but anyway, I find that I've been pretty good at attracting men who aren't insecure about a woman who can stand by his side rather than cowering in inability in his shadow. That's important to me, and yet I think it's important for me to embrace and cultivate my femininity as well...it has nothing to do with physical strength or physical appearance to me, but it is evident in emotional and psychological profiles.

 

Sure but put yourself in the shoes of a girl dating me. At some point you're going to punch me... I'm a know it all.

Better to not be punched hard from my experience.

With the exception of Jessica Walters aka 'She-Hulk'. :love:

 

this proves that we just weren't meant to be.

i'm disappointed too.

 

I look at it at a universal level.. similar to Jung's archetypes, but not as specific and extending beyond humanity.

On a personal level, the physical world is the male, mind being the female. The mind nurtures ideas, concepts and possibilities, while the male side fertilises those ideas and brings them into "solid" reality.
At the quantum level, infinite possibilities for matter to arrange itself(female) - but this is what we get(male).

Male and female(genders now) are just part of that same pattern.. but for either male and female to exist, they have to have qualities of each. Jung calls the male's female the anima, and the females male the animus.
Personally, I revel in the anima.. emotions, creativity, care. Don't have a vagina though.

 

Projective and Receptive is another way of saying it. One of them isn't only reserved for Males and the other for Females.

It takes a balance of these things within one's self to be an emotionally healthy person.

 

I Must Say, That Was A Well Balanced Reply...



Cheers Glen.

 

gender based behaviors are acts people put on because they believe other people expect them to, or because they expect to get something out of doing so.

nor are what behaviors go with what genders by any means universal. rather they are all cultural learned behaviors.

to me, sports and soap operas are equally bullshit, but making things, is universally gratifying regardless of gender.

while i have nothing against gender bending, it is social androgeney that i endorse.

yes, the only non-biological differences, ARE, culturally learned behaviors.

 

I feel the most feminine when I get a nasty bump on the head and cant read maps for a while or when I am chopping up onions and just cry for no reason at all

 

I think there are some innate 'masculine' and 'feminine' qualities, some of which have been mentioned in this thread. We can see sexual dimorphism in other species besides humans which goes beyond genitalia, also variations in social practices in genders. So I think that some of the gender specific social practice in humans are a result of biological differences. Now what's interesting as particularly in the last century, we've increased meme technologies, television, internet, etc. Which can influence behaviors in a way different than traditional adaptions to enviornment. I think a lot of the gender bender behavior is more of a construct then much of the male/female specific roles. With meme technologies, outlier behavior can be depicted and sold to mass populations as trends.

 

it when I shave my right leg but not my left..

 

Yeah that would be pretty awesome :2thumbsup:

Indeed, mostly based on outdated notions and prejudices

 

I found this special interesting, it highlights a specific example of differences in men and women.. I think this shows there are even more subtle differences than some of the obvious ones to biology. It's difficult for me to think that these types of differences don't have any influence on masculine and feminine psychological processes/traits as well...

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/sex-matters-drugs-can-affect-sexes-differently/