What if I want to be gay but I'm not??

Discussion in 'Coming Out and Confused!' started by nexus123, Apr 5, 2007.

  1. nexus123

    nexus123 Member

    Hello, I have a question maybe someone can help me with. All of my friends are gay, well atleast most of them. I call myself a MetroSexual, basicly a straight guy who caries all properties of a gay guy. Im very much into fashion, and I love to hang out with guys and mess around. However there is a problem, I'm not what you can call attracted to guys. Maybe it is because I have had no problems with girls, and I find them attrative. I don't even know if I can call myself Bisexual because the attraction isnt there for guys.

    My mind set is that of a gay man, I feel what they feel, I understand them, and I could see myself in love with a guy. But I dont have an physical attraction, to me it almost is kinda "Sick". Has anyone been in my situation, and will I ever have an attraction?
  2. CrazybutLazy

    CrazybutLazy Banned

    You think you're supposed to be gay because you act like a stereotype? No. You can act like a flamboyant homosexual and not be one.
  3. monosphere

    monosphere Holly's Hubby

    You "carry all properties of a gay guy"? Properties=stereotypes. Do you actually think that homosexuality is about dressing well and keeping in shape? I'm a bisexual male with a hairy, chubby belly. I haven't shaved in at least a week. I'm married with a child and monogamous. Does that make me straight? Hell no! I have been in love with men and still find them desirable today. I just refuse to let stereotypes define me. I'm me and that's just fine. Why am I bisexual? Because I can love both men and women. Actually, I don't take gender into consideration when finding love. You are attracted to women and not men. You're straight. And that's you. Just go with what feels right.

    I gotta admit, I've seen many people change their behavior and appearance to "fit" their sexuality. This is a first where I've seen someone want to change their sexuality to fit their appearance. Very odd
  4. monosphere

    monosphere Holly's Hubby

    Although, judging by the post count, I'm not sure if this thread is to be taken seriously. Guess we'll know if and/or when the original poster replies, eh?
  5. Samhain

    Samhain Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    I couldn't agree more with the two replies
  6. SlickyPants

    SlickyPants Member

    This pretty much just echoes what's already been said.

    The only property of a gay guy is that he's attracted to men. You are not attracted to men. Therefore, as can be deduced, you are not gay.

    What's wrong with being straight and into fashion? I find it refreshing to see a straight guy that is able to feel comfortable about being himself without trying to erect a macho-shield.
  7. *Andy*

    *Andy* Senior Member

    Just be yourself. You don't have to label yourself or anything. You sound as though you are straight. People have already said that there is no such thing as a "property of a gay guy" except that he likes other dudes. Maybe you will become less 'confused' over time.
  8. Why would you just want to be gay??
  9. *Andy*

    *Andy* Senior Member

    Because he is confused as shit. I don't know why anyone would want to be gay - quite frankly it sucks. I would way rather be attracted to women, but in saying that, I find the thought of humping/going out with a woman not cool.
  10. fexurbis

    fexurbis Member

    This reminds me of my friend who wanted to be gay. The reason? Frustration with women...Shit, I'd love to be gay and not have to deal with gender barriers. I just so happens I ain't...
    Incidentally, I'm not into fashion either...lol.
  11. *Andy*

    *Andy* Senior Member

    Fexurbis - gender barriers are much smaller things than fucking homophobic assholes that go around killing and beating up gay people. Trust me - when it comes to relationships and such, you have it a lot easier. You don't have to worry about whether someone who you find attractive is gay or not. I mean, if you meet a woman who you find really attractive and she turns out to be gay, she won't swear at you, beat you up, threaten you or anything. She'll just tell you probably. But most gay people can't just walk up to any old guy they find attractive for fear of that person being a homophobe. I don't know if I'm making sense. Tell me if I am or not.
  12. Yeah, because falling for some straight boy and not being able to get over him despite the fact that there is no chance of there being a romantic relationship is so much better than those awful "gender barriers."

    At least if a straight boy is in love with a straight girl there is always a chance, no matter how minute, that in the future they could have a relationship. When you're gay and the other guy isn't, there's no chance. Ever.
  13. Strange Days

    Strange Days Member

    I always say that I would like to be a gay man because most of the men that I'm attracted to are gay and I'm very into gay rights and that kind of thing...but considering that I am a girl that ain't happening. Or, sometimes I'd like to be a lesbian, but I'm just not attracted to women, unfortunately. But you can have a lot of gay and lesbian friends and be active in gay rights and everything and not be gay...that's like saying if you have black friends and you're not you have to be black.

    This reminds me of the Will & Grace episode where a character played by Matt Damon says, "You don't know how hard it is for me to fit in. The looks, the murmurs behind my back. I mean, I know what they're saying, 'Ooh, he likes girls.'"

    And, I hate it when people connect flamboyance with being gay. All of the gay men that I've met have been pretty masculant. Most people don't fit the stereotype.
  14. mushie18

    mushie18 Intergalactic

    Just be yourself.
  15. *Andy*

    *Andy* Senior Member

    I don't know if saying "Just be yourself" is so helpful. Clearly this guy is trying to figure out WHO he is exactly. He seems quite unsure so I suspect he is turning to fit in with his gay friends. Maybe I'm wrong.
  16. dodion

    dodion Member

    You are making sense - and I agree, but it's not the whole story. I think it's a lot easier, or uncomplicated, to find a sex partner for a gay man. I prefer girls, but I've never hooked up with a girl, despite being good looking, educated etc. I know I'm not confident with girls, and it's a huge problem - I go out a lot, I've tried dating sites etc, but no luck, and I'm 27 so it's not just a like a year or so I've tried, more like 10 or 12. So when I decided to try having sex with a man I just made a profile on a gay dating site, added a few pictures---not even of my face, mind you---and got plenty of offers - It was so easy in comparison that I'm still kind of surprised.

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