What Can I Do?

Hey everyone. Okay, I'm sure you've all heard this kind of story before, but bear with me here. (Long, I'm sorry)

There is a girl that I have known for years, and for all of those years I have been attracted to her. But now, I'm absolutely in love with her. The thing is, on the outside, day in and day out, she has been pretty mean to me. Kinda pokes fun at me, laughs at me, all that stuff. But we always seem to see each other alot, and when its just us, she seems to be nicer to me. We've actually had some great discussions before, and actually had fun. But most of the time she acts like I don't exist, and if anyone "better than me" comes along, I'm ignored. I'm 18 and never had a gf before (virgin, too), and I also happen to know that she has never had a bf before, either. So I can safely say that I have no idea how to be around women, I'm not very good at it. I can't really flirt or anything like that. I've also never had feelings for a girl before, but now, I can't stop thinking about her. Everyday, everynight, she's just all I seem to think about. Its not that I want to "get in her pants", I just want to be with her so much. Heck, I would do anything for her it seems, but I just don't know what to do, or what to think. She's mean to me most of the time, but there are times when she's very nice to me, which is why I seem to think that she may just have a thing for me but afraid to show it around other people. I think this because I'm the same way. When she's mean to me, I'm mean back. Its that whole, "Oh yea, well, fine!" "Fine!" "Fine!" Fine!" *storm off in opposite directions*, thing like you see on TV. So I'm just too embarassed to ask her what she thinks. What should I do? Do you think she likes me at all, or am I just nuts? I don't know what to think, but I'm in love with her too much to ignore this. Any ideas? Thanks!

 

Don't get used. If she is magically nicer to you when you are doing something above normal for her, that is a good sign. ALso, tell her how you feel. The truth is always the best, cause then everyone knows what is going on.

 

Yea, I know, but its easier said than done. I'm just so childish or something. I'm just too embarassed to say anything, I need a boost in confidence or something. Also, its kinda funny because everyone in school knows how we are, and have always said under their breath, "wouldn't it be funny if those two got together?" Everyone sees how we act toward each other, and its almost like they seem to know it too, that we just pretty much are really perfect for one another. It just seems to feel right, but I just don't know for sure how she feels, and I don't know why she is mean to me most of the time! And when she's nice, it isn't because I'm buying her food or anything, its just out of the blue. I just don't understand, I'm so confused!

 

I had a girlfriend who was like that with me. She was very nice when i was the only one around, but pretty much ignored and mocked me when other people were around. She never quit being like that and over time it got to me more and more, then she cheated on me. Acting like you suck when people are around just to look cool is a sign of disrespect, dont put up with it.

 

oh man! that is EXACTLY what happened with my current boyfriend and i. we'd known eachother for years, and suddenly we were both rediculously attracted to eachother but neither of us knew it. he almost didn't ask me out becuase he thought i "ignored" him when anyone "better" was around, but in my case it was some pathetic attempt on my part to induce jealousy, or appease myself, cause i never thought it would ever acutally happen with HIM.

I used to NOT talk to him cause i was so into him, if that makes sense. when i look back on it i'm so relieved he just asked me out so we got over that... i think if it had continued i might have accidentally pushed him away not only as a love opportunity but as a friend as well.

 

So, what I'm hearing is that I really should say something, huh? That will be pretty easy to do this summer. We're both part of a volunteering group thing this summer, so I actually see her quite a bit now. I've always had the feeling that she had a thing for me just because even though she mocks me when other people are around, I'm still the first, and usually only, one she talks to. Its ME that she does this to, not anyone else. Its almost like she's trying to let me know that she's still there, or something like that. Its just so confusing to me. Well, maybe I will say something. I see her today, so maybe I can build up some courage, I sure wish that I could!

 

Ahhh! She wasn't there yesterday. Great, now I'm just sweating this thing even more. I'd love to say something, but I'm just so nervous! I'm so immature, I know, I know. I still just don't know if she feels the same or not, and I don't want to make a fool of myself! I just care about her so much I don't want to screw anything up! Anymore tips at all?

 

Immediate honesty can solve a dilemma so much faster than ten years of skirting the obstacle.

 

immediate honesty can work for men but sometimes it might frighten women. I say you two guys try to spend more time together, try to learn what she likes and come up with ideas of doing smthngs she'd like (to do together). Not cheesy ideas like "lets go to the movies". Be a little innovative and find smthng that'd thrill her or make her feel that she only feels that way when with you.

Or try to go out with another couple, 2 guys and 2 girls. When ever you talk to the other girl, check her (ur girl's) actions, is she jealous or ignoring or what?

Note that you dont have to go on your knees and confess anything. it all about spending more time with each other. After sometime, one day comes and you find yourself waiting for the right moment to hold hand and have a slight heart attack. so, slow down, pleasure up. Dont "date her", live with her and everything should be alright! :sunglasse

 

Okay, good. Now I have some things to think about, thanks! But, I still have another question that needs answering. Why on earth is she so mean to me sometimes, especially when other people are around?

 

well i gave you my answer... i guess it could be other things, but somehow i doubt she harbors a deepfounded hatred for you

just wanted to wish you good luck again, or if i haven't already

 

Maybe it doesnt aply to you, but dont completely ignore my advice, the women ive met who act this way are very inconciderate and self centered after a while, If they dont care about your feelings except when your the only one around it means they arent thinking of your feelings. Think about that, maybe when your not around at all she wouldent even care that you existed, what about if only one guy other than you was around? Im not saying its true about your girl, but the one i was with seemed far to nice and sweet to cheat on me when we were together alone, but she was mean and pretty much ignored me when her friends were there.

 

I assume 2 things:

1) She's trying to mask her interest in you by behaving mean, but overdoing it.This way, she may be giving out signals (to ppl around you) that she is being wanted by someone else.* This is easier because she doesnt have to hide her interest in you. If she makes her interest seem lower than your interest in her, than ppl would get the vibes that u want her.

*This is normal since she's at the beginning of her femininity.

2) She needs affection and tries to get it. Dont answer her the way she treats you, dont be mean towards her. Try to be calm, cool and mature. Ask her why she behaving that way, smile at her and let her know from the inside that you actually take her meanness as a game, and make her feel that she's just playing (how yo make this part, i dunno) Dont laugh or degrade her as she'd be super hurt in front of your friends and would get her revenge.
Behave like her father, be a little protective about her (It's crucial that it's just balanced. otherwise you'd spoil her.) and let her know that you're in control.
Most girls are the admirers of their fathers. Keep this in the back of your mind and remember that she's also inexperienced and needs a guide in the relationship. Be the one who's laid back, smiling and observing. Everything should work just fine.

PS: some girls like their hair to be fondled.

PS: Dont forget to talk,tell good jokes or take part in the discussions.

PS3: This is not a "Girls' Manual". Dont just take my advice and apply it step by step or whatever. This is just to give you an idea of what might have been going on. It's very important that you make YOUR OWN MISTAKES and live your life as an individual and learn from them.
In turkish we say, one incident is better than a thousand advises.

 

I think Evie answered that one for you.... But if you wanted to, find a time when you two are alone and ask her directly.

 

Hmmm, lots to think about here. For a little while now, I've kind of had the idea in the back of my head that she was being mean to hide something else, but I just didn't know for sure, and I still don't. But, I think what I'll do is not ask her directly, yet, but to be cool and calm about it, and try to show her, indirectly, how I feel. Maybe this way, she'll get the picture and finally come out and say something, or maybe say it indirectly as well. I just want this to end finally! While it can be funny, its driving me insane because of how much I want her. I just want her to finally see just how much I care about her, and your advise so far has given me some good ideas on how to do that. I'll keep you updated on what happens. I'm so excited now! Now, if only I could think of some funny jokes...

 

well, sir, be sure to tell us how it goes, okay?
as far as jokes go... i'd advise to use humor sparingly heh heh its' always funny to overhear people who are clearly nervous with eachother springing joke after joke, but i imagine it'd be more ...awkward than anything else... to be IN that situation.

above all, remember to just go with the flow. don't like, plan it out word for word. try to read her responses and react to them rather than having a plan a and plan b...?

don't get too focused on this thread/preparation and not focused on HER and the real situation.

stereotypical, but "be cool." if you believe you can be confident, then you will be. if you accept ahead of time whatever answer comes (and i assure you either way it will help you grow) then no answer can be devastating. If you remember she's your friend, you always have that to fall back on

i think i'm derailing my train of thought here.

break a leg!

 

Ther best advice I can give you is to swallow your pride throw worry out the window and KISS HER!!! If it's REAL YOU WILL KNOW right away. Do it take a chance! Even if she never wants to talk to you ever again it'll be ok! Youre only 18 and youre stressin'! Take a chance on Love sometimes its the only way to find it!

 

First update, once again she wasn't there, so I haven't seen her in a while. I'm definetly NOT going with some plan at all, I'll just be my good 'ole self. Plans never go right, anyways, so I might as well not have one!

 

What IS that?! Just wondering if people that write these damned abbreviations are anti-vowel or something. It's not an abbreviation if you've written more than half of the word; I mean if you've written that much of the word, why not the vowels!!!! Irk-attack.

Anyways; dude. This girl could be unstable. Or maybe even a schizophrenic, but I swear a alot of people seem to be very much so one of the two. What is she 7? That's a rhetorical question, and I was referring to her age. I don't know what her problem is, I wouldn't associate myself with anyone that delt out that sort of shit. Just talk to her, spend some time with her, and blah blah blah. A few people gave some good advice, so heed it.

 

I believe smthng was probably a typo, I do that all the time. I doubt that was an abbreviation. But anyways, when you're that attracted to someone, and feel the way you do, its hard to just forget about her. Its the feeling that I get that won't go away, its too strong to just ignore and forget about, that's all.