weed jokes anyone?

Discussion in 'Stoners Lounge' started by Freedom_Man, Feb 11, 2009.

  1. Freedom_Man

    Freedom_Man Senior Member

    well i get this one inspirted by katt williams when he talks about def and criptochronwhatever haha.

    "Hey man you got any bud for sale?"

    "yeah, we call this shit hellfire"

    hellfire, damn, why?

    well, it smells like burnt flesh tastes like rigor mortis and you ever seen that movie the sixth sense?"


    well, lets just say, you hit this shit twice you gonna be seein dead people to"
  2. seizedbyanger

    seizedbyanger Banned

    whats the difference between a stoner and a drunk?

    a drunks runs through stop signs; a stoner waits for them to turn green
  3. WanderingturnupII

    WanderingturnupII Grouchy Old Fart

    SBA, I'm gonna remember that one.

    Why to stoners make such good firefighters?
    Because they're so used to smoke inhalation.

    How many stoners does it take to...waitaminit.....what?
    Oh, yeah, change a light bulb....
    Oh, wow, dude! I didn't notice it was dark!

    Stoner's favorite part of the body?
    (That one doesn't work well in print. Hope SOMEONE gets it...)
  4. WanderingturnupII

    WanderingturnupII Grouchy Old Fart

    duplicate post deleted by WTII
  5. weedwhacker

    weedwhacker TFM Bro!

    I like that one joke by katt williams where he said
    "In all your years you'll never hear of anybody overdosing on weed. That guy that's been passed out on your floor? He 'aint dead, in 30 minutes that nigga is gonna wake up hungry enough to eat everything in your house"
  6. seizedbyanger

    seizedbyanger Banned

  7. MrDot

    MrDot Senior Member

    Katt williams has some hilarious shit, "DIS SHIT RIGHT HERE?! DIS SHIT RIGHT HERE?! NICCA THIS SHIT CALLED DEAF!.." ...Death? what is going to do..kill me? "NAWH NIGGA DEAF, smoke dis shit right here once and you go deaf nigga." damnn... lol
  8. Popularity

    Popularity Senior Member

    i LOLed
  9. Severely stoned

    Severely stoned Senior Member

    :confused: Wut?
  10. Severely stoned

    Severely stoned Senior Member

  11. skierdood

    skierdood Space For Rent

    Why is the roach clip called a roach clip?

    Because pot holder was taken
  12. Startreken

    Startreken Marijuana Chef!

    A stoner walks into an appliance store and asks the owner, "How much for that TV set in the window?"
    The owner looks at the TV set, then looks at the stoner, and says, "I don't sell stuff to potheads." So the stoner tells the owner that he'll quit toking and will come back the next week to buy the TV. A week later, the stoner comes back and says, "I quit smoking pot. Now, how much for that TV set in the window?"
    And the owner says, "I told you I don't sell to potheads!" So the stoner leaves again.
    He comes back a week later and says, "How much for that TV?"
    The owner says, "I'm not going to tell you again, I don't sell to potheads!!!"
    The stoner looks back at the owner and says, "How can you tell I'm a pothead?"
    The owner looks back and says, "Because that's a microwave."
  13. Startreken

    Startreken Marijuana Chef!

    A light weight will say, "Take me home I'm stoned." An everyday toker will say, "Take me home I'm ripped. A stoner would say, "Take me stoned, I'm home." And the other person would reply, "Me stoned I'm too."
  14. MaryJBlaze

    MaryJBlaze eleven


    that's my mom's favorite joke:D

  15. Startreken

    Startreken Marijuana Chef!

    ‘Hello, is this the Sheriff’s Office?’
    ‘Yes. What can I do for you?’

    ‘I’m calling to report ’bout my
    neighbor Virgil Smith….

    He’s hiding’ marijuana inside his firewood!
    Don’t quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he’s hiding’ it there.’

    ‘Thank you very much for the call, sir.’

    The next day, the Sheriff’s Deputies descend on Virgil’s house .
    They search the shed where the firewood is kept.

    Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
    They sneer at Virgil and leave.

    Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil’s house.
    ‘Hey, Virgil! This here’s Floyd….

    Did the Sheriff come?’

    ‘Did they chop your firewood?’

    ‘Happy Birthday, buddy!’
  16. twang

    twang on the run

    I heard that long ago but it was a blonde not a stoner
  17. MaryJBlaze

    MaryJBlaze eleven

    ^^(startrekken's post)LOL, I've heard that one before too, but it's still funny;)
  18. Startreken

    Startreken Marijuana Chef!

    You might be a pot head if...
    1 you wear sun glasses at night so you can see better
    2 you have acctually put out a fire with bong water
    3 the term "hydro" does not mean water
    4 you have an usual parking space outside your local head shop
    5 you have a name for your 3 bongs 2 pipes one of which was made by you
    6 you know your measurements from grams to ounces by heart
    7 your best friends are your dealer and your roller
    8 you sell your car for gas money
    9 after reading this list you have done most if not all
    10 if you respect 4:20 to a religious value
    11 if you sue your employer for not getting holiday pay on april 20th
    12 if glass blowing was your minor and herbology was your major.....please e-mail me we need to chat
  19. Startreken

    Startreken Marijuana Chef!

    I'm just pulling shit off the internet right now and posting the ones I think are funny or at least they would be if you were stoned. Either way it's pot hummor.

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