weathering the setbacks

Yeah, sometimes setting up meets n unreliable guys can be not only a hassel but can piss u off. I have plenty .I reckon only really 5% of the guys on Grindr will actually meet

Some intend to but back off when it's going to happen. I'm afraid it's an occupational hazard.

And married bi guys always have wife/family complications. It's why, if I have a preference, it's to meet gay guys.

Hey the next meet u have will be beta than the ones that didn't happen!

Take care,

Simon

 

Papasmurph:

Allow me to say that I truly and sincerely am wishing you a LOT of good luck in the future, good companionship, and, of course, good SEX!

If the other fellow has half-a-brain in his cranium, he'll realize what a great guy he's hooked up with; you are obviously an open and honest guy, with a great sense of humor....you have much going for you!

Good luck in the future!

 

Hmm, other than the vagaries of organising meets and others unreliabilities what hurdles n roadblocks do you mean papa.

Simon

 

Simon/Papa:

For gay/bi men, these days, "hurdles and roadblocks" can come in many different disguises, as well as scenarios.

To be a gay or a bi man in today's often-bigoted, narrow-minded society, requires a steadfast commitment to discretion, courage, resilience, and, of course, honesty.

Sadly, for far too many gay or bi men, being honest and open can often lead to physical harm, not to mention tremendous emotional aftereffects.

 

Papa:

Opposing political views can wreak havoc on ANY sort of relationship/friendships these days.

Why people simply cannot respect others for their views (and visa-versa) and still like and respect each other, is totally beyond my scope.

Even in a strictly platonic friendship, when someone who regarded as a trusted, valued friend suddenly stabs you in the back, for no valid reason.......IT HURTS!

Trust me, I speak from experience.

 

I wish we lived closer Papa. Sounds Iike you've had a hell'va week my friend .

 

For me I have been pretty lucky in that I have never really had any major problems with narrow-minded-ness and thankfully violence or anti-gay phobia. In fact my experience has been how more relaxed attitudes are today re. sexuality generally.

But I have been lucky to live and travel in easy going countries where M2M sex is allowed. Many people in this world are not so lucky and have given their lives or freedom for their sexual orientation.

I'm sad for you spankedmale if u have had a lot of negative attitudes n aggression.

Yeah, the emotional hits can be not nice, but with my estimate of only 5% genuine on grindr i have come to view them as occupational hazards....and problem belong them..... some guys obviously get a kick out of either winding others up, or setting them, or not setting them, up......again: problem belong them; sometimes I think they are themselves homo deniers.

But I am impressed generally with the younger generation who are so much less bothered by sexual labels and just go with what turns then on sexually.

Simon

 

Simon:

Sounds like you have been pretty fortunate; here's hoping that good fortune and rewarding "bonding" will be in your future for many years to come!

 

Remember that old music group, Timbuk 3? They used to have a song called Too Much Sex, Not Enough Affection. I remember hearing that song, and later hearing from a therapist that many men constantly look for sex, but actually need intimacy and affection. I'm one of those men. I get anxious and depressed when I don't feel connected to others and to the natural world.

I have little interest in fast hook-ups, but I do need affectionate male friends who are willing to communicate about their inner lives. These guys are rare. I suppose it's possible to meet such men on-line, but that has not been my experience. I've always met male, female, and fluid friends by just getting to know people in my daily life. Once I bond with a friend, we end up talking on the phone frequently and being affectionate when we see each other. I am lucky to have a long-term girlfriend who does not feel threatened by this. She is affectionate, also.

 

Sounds like you've got the situation just about where you want it.

Cannot blame you in the least for finding little interest in "fast" hook ups; these days, you simply cannot take a chance with a scenario that might, in fact, take a truly wrong turn.

Intimacy and affection between males IS essential in any sort of m/m relationship; that's why I really love seeing all these big, macho pro baseball players hugging each other tightly and TRULY embracing a feeling of strong camaradarie, after their team wins a game.

As far as "not feeling connected to others and the natural world", I can identify with that 100%.

John

 

Papa:

You most certainly DO NOT expect too much, my friend!

From what I have read of you, any fellow that you hook up with in a MEANINGFUL and SENSUAL relationship will HAVE to consider himself most fortunate.

Hey, m/m sex IS hot, BUT, what REALLY sets off the fireworks is the EMOTIONAL bonding taking place at the SAME time!

Sure hope things eventually go your way!

 

Papa:

I think you made a VERY wise decision, my friend.

I think you would have ended up being HURT (and big-time); your inner instincts were right at work, guiding you to safer waters.

You are obviously a man with maturity and common sense; you are smart enough to know when to simply say: "Nope, this ain't for me."

In ANY relationship, IMHO, even if you might "hit it off" right from the get-go with someone else, it is ALWAYS the wisest choice to take things SLOW and EASY.

Keep the faith, my friend.....

John

 

I had lots of bad meets over the years. Some were even violent. Most were just wrong due to personality differences. Still, I kept on looking, and eventually found a really great guy. My wife and I really love him. He lives with us now. I feel lucky to find a guy that think very similar to my thoughts. I've started hormone therapy, and will eventually do the complete operations. My wife and my guy support me, and it feels great.

Anyway, there's lots of good guys out there. Don't let a few failures get you down! If a guy wants to hide it, he's probably not the best choice.

 

Good advice.

In ANY sort of relationship, when one is just starting out, SLOW and EASY is the BEST way to "ease into" things.

Listen to your "gut instinct"....it will do better than a GPS to head you in the RIGHT direction!

 

I had several relationships that were similar to what you had with your former wife, so I finally went to a therapist who pointed out that I was not paying enough attention to what is really important in selecting and maintaining intimate relationships. Now I know that it takes a lot of attention to intimacy by all parties involved to make it work. Nobody is perfect, but when you find people who understand this truism about love and intimacy, do your part to keep a good thing going.