I wrote this a few weeks ago, let me know what you think. Weathering and Erosion It's all leading up to that moment where we lay at rest, brought into a church like a bird fallen far from it's nest. I've got scars of sin on my arm, and looks of malice on my face, there's no good reason why they've brought me back to this place I swore when I was young I'd never live in a town, where the church steeple refused to go down. Even the sun and moon retreat, but that steeple wouldn't accept defeat. It stays stagnent in the dark shining as bright as day. You want to divert your attention but you can't look away. Look at me now all dressed and dolled up in a suit. People that never gave a shit about me, all standing in a line to see my lifelace face, and frown in disgrace, "How could such a good boy be lead so far astray?" I'll get up from that casket and tell them Rome wasn't built in a day, It took me a while to climb this tree and get this way. The view from the top is filled with such precarious beauty. The view's best before you fall, but by the time you've reached the bottom you don't regret it at all, Because what you've seen is far more than they can comprehend. You're staring at the skyline but everybody is focusing on what's around the bend You look down on them, and they look down on you, for all the unlawful things that you do. I hate them just as much as they feel sorry for me. I don't want a lot of thing's and I don't want their sympathy. Let me weather and erode without interruption, I'll do as I do and you'll black out at your company function I've died in a socially unnacceptable way, All the people at my funeral don't know what to say. I'm content in all that I've done, it may not have all been legal but it sure was fun Let me sleep in the ground, all dressed up with nowhere to go, But I'd rather lay here than go see some broadway show There's nothing more natural than decay. I'll be consumed by bacteria and rot away. My senses are gone I haven't thought for years, I'll just manifest myself in all their tears.
i would of loved to see you mention the formidable, ever-standing church in the final passage...if not in fact closing the final line with it. you defiantly put some thought into this, well done. i expect to see more of you at this standard. my only complaint; its bordering cliché [the me vs. the world, take me or leave me attitude of loathing; so common in these boards] and a theme that can be readily bought from walmart. of, course i mean this with no ill intentions. i liked.
Thanks for your replies, I appreciate the input. I like the idea about closing it with the a line referring back to the church, as it would make the entire piece a lot more coherent.
