We say we want someone differerent

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Bellfire01, Jun 9, 2006.

  1. Bellfire01

    Bellfire01 I'll say anything

    Then why do we pick the same person. I don't me the exact same person but physical build, intellignece and sometimes even emotionally slightly different. When you say I want a new guy/girl don't you really mean I want a new face and body?
  2. .Hannah.

    .Hannah. Member

    I understand where you're coming from but to say one wants "a new face and body" is undercutting and not acknowledging the differences that really ARE there. It's demeaning also, to me, to reduce an intense and long-lasting affection to something that is fleshly or merely corporeal.

    Additionally, when a person says they "want someone different" I think you might have mistaken some of their meaning. Perhaps the people they were with previously did not at all relate to them and vice versa. So they want someone different from this present person, and more similar to themselves. This is what you're saying, but you've forgotten the other side of the coin -

    OR they want someone different who is NOT similar to themselves because all they've known is the same boring person who's a clone. - I'm exaggerating here for emphasis.

    I think you're a bit mixed up or I am thinking of something else. I hope you understand what I mean.
  3. Gypsy_girl

    Gypsy_girl Member

    by wanting something different, I think they mean someone who treats them and relates to them differently than their past lover did, and I think the reason they go for the same type of people in future is because that's what they've become acustom too, and although they want to be with someone who treats them differently, they only know how to respond to the same type of person, who treats them in the same way as their ex because it's familiar.
  4. Bellfire01

    Bellfire01 I'll say anything

    I can't believe I'm catching it over prototype lol. What I'm trying to say is that we as single and looking people, pick the same person. The face and body may change slightly but the personality stays the same. Why can't we move on to a whole new person? Why do we say we want something more when we pick someone that's just about the same?
  5. .Hannah.

    .Hannah. Member

    But do you see this is too simplistic?

    Most people aren't extremists and hover somewhere in the mid-range even if religion or spiritual belief names or idenfication may be different (for eg.) Even when those labels differ, most hold the same values (many of which are reinforced by laws anyway). Do not kill, steal etc etc.

    It is more likely for people to be similar (generally) and then manifest differences in the way they choose to express them through differing labels.

    Where's the context? They could have picked someone different (but the "same" as the person before) and still have found happiness even though they wanted someone "more". People change.

    It may not have to do with the exterior and the other people around us any more than it has to do with ourselves being ready appreciate those people - similar, different, etc.
  6. nimh

    nimh ~foodie~

    you'd like Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, he talks about this very same idea~calls it the imago. if you websearch you'll probably find lots about it. basically, we unconsciously look for traits of our parents in our partner and then expect our partner to fix all of the things that our parents did wrong to us. and our partner does the same. the reason a lot of relationships fail is that our partner doesnt know that they're supposed to (on a subconscious level) make up for all the wrongs done to us by our parents.

    there's a lot more to it than that, but those are the basics. hendrix gives a bunch of activities to do with your partner to deal with the imago and to learn to fix ourselves, yadda yadda (guess i need to dig that book out again! )
  7. Bellfire01

    Bellfire01 I'll say anything

    Freud was a cocaine user. He'd sayu anything. You should have seen what he wrote his girlfriend... I strayed, sorry, lol. I hear you. I just hope it's not completely true but I know it is. I pick a lot of guys not only in my dad's birth sign but around the same day and sometimes year lol. Yucky huh? lol

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