Was she testing me? Should I move on?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Hedgeclipper, Sep 30, 2013.

  1. Hedgeclipper

    Hedgeclipper Qiluprneeels Nixw

    So like I've talked about this a bit on here before. I've recently been going really insane because I realized I was in totally love with my ex girlfriend last semester (when I met her again at my school).
    So what happened is we met at a party when we were in our early teens and were really strongly attracted to each other right away. She was kind of like a loner girl -- the kind who's not a cool queen bee, like most super attractive girls, she's almost too beautiful for it, the kind of girl who's not cool you know? Anyways, she's pretty conservative (not too conservative) but I guess she understands how much of a gem she is, so we never had sex. We would always get into hours of sort of play and stuff -- everything up to but not including sex, which is, for the most part satisfying for me, but it was driving me mad at the time (I was still a virgin back then and I guess I felt pressure to loose it). I totally loved her but didn't know how to recognize that back then.
    Anyways, at one point she asked me to meet up and talk with her and was trying to tell me that we would never have sex and I should break up with her if that is what I wanted. I think nowdays, I would know exactly how to handle this sort of situation with a girl, but being naive at the time, I guess I interpreted that she wanted to break up with me, but didn't want to rip off the band-aid, herself. I thought she was trying to get me to break up with her for her -- so I did. But now I'm thinking she was trying to test me... and I failed.
    I've had many girlfriends since then and lost my v card and learned a lot more about relationships, but I'm really sad that I experienced sex in this way: that I lost the girl I really wanted, lost my v to a totally insane, much less (too much less) conservative girl, and pretty much ruined things for myself. Now that I have met my ex again, its kind of crippled me. I've had sex a few times -- mostly with my other ex (We kind of keep getting back together sometimes but I think its just because we're lonely) -- but I can't really think about any other girls since I've re-met this one.
    Do you think she was testing me? And if she was, once you fail a girl's "test" can you retake it? OR is this a stupid way of thinking and I should just move on?

    e: I know I always post about this. But I'm not being as much of an idiot about it as I was before -- I swear! I try to talk to other girls now and stuff, and I don't see her on a day to day basis anymore (classes changed from last semester) but the whole thing is still weighing on my mind...
    At least I'm not living in the scenario I used to be, the all-my exes sitcom thing...
    I kind of have this problem because I was much more confident when I was a teenager and I got a lot more girls. Now I am more focused on studying and future and I don't really think about girls the same way. I'm not desperate to have sex all the time anymore, I'd rather have a relationship where I can get to know the intricacies of someone's sexuality. Sex is more fun when you know how someone likes it...
     
  2. Asmodean

    Asmodean Slo motion rider

    Do you like to be tested that way? Does it match with your own moral mindset or practices? I would base the conclusion on those things if I were you. IF I were you, I would definately forget about her if I was certain it was a test. If not sure about that the other option is most likely that she ment what she said, which would still make it a healthy decision to move on.
     
  3. Fairlight

    Fairlight Banned

    From my experience I would suggest that it's okay to have girlfriends who we don't necessarily have fully consummated sex with.Not all love affairs lead to sex and we can learn to be okay with that - lack of sex in no way diminishes the importance and meaningfulness of that relationship.If the love and affection was real at the time,you can carry that forwards into your future relationships by having learned what it is to give and receive love...That's something I'm trying to learn anyways.
     
  4. calgirl

    calgirl Senior Member

    Absolutely can go try again !!! When someone "touches" us in some significant way, don't ignore it. Press forward, not because you have an agenda, but because you want to explore and understand.
     
  5. Hedgeclipper

    Hedgeclipper Qiluprneeels Nixw

    No -- but I doubt she would do that to me now that she's more mature. And I doubt that I would fail that test (or be a junkie who a conservative girl would want to break up with) now either....

    Dating is totally different when youre really young. she was like the first girl I ever kissed.

    It's really biting me in the arse now because she grew up to be the hottest woman I know and probably the smartest too. And the only one who still seems to have the 60's mindstate that us hippies have, someone who hasn't been ruined by modernity.

    I'm gonna meet up with her sometimes soon, but we'll probably end up being friends at best... But I can always hope...

    My problem with getting girls is that I'm too busy. IT takes a bit of time to build up a relationship with someone but I only can offer people like an hour a week.... Fuck school!
     
  6. SpacemanSpiff

    SpacemanSpiff Visitor

    make new friends

    but keep the old

    one is silver and the other gold



    stupid old song but it couldnt be more true
     
  7. Hedgeclipper

    Hedgeclipper Qiluprneeels Nixw

    True say. I'm torn here. I still love her and I have trouble imagining loving anyone else -- but I need a girlfriend or i'm going to tear what's left of my hair out!!!!
     
  8. newbie-one

    newbie-one one with the newbiverse

    well, if she's single, I don't see why you couldn't get back together again
     
  9. Hedgeclipper

    Hedgeclipper Qiluprneeels Nixw

    idk if she's single. We have this weird vibe between us now. We're good friends and we chat online a lot (but now she's in a different university and we're both very busy so we don't see each other IRL a lot -- maybe after midterms we'll meet up) but every time we're together we get along really well and stuff and there's like a slightly knowingly sexual vibe but I just don't know how to turn that vibe into a relatinoship again. I wish I could....
    But maybe I'm just mindfucking myself....
    I think she knows what a catch she is. When I first met her, I did, but she hadn't figured it out yet. So I think she knows she can probably get more confident/cool guys than me -- but then again I think I am a pretty good catch myself (It's not like I'm ugly or dumb or anything, I just have a minor forehead surplus -- so I look older than I am)

    I overthink this thing a lot.
    Maybe I should just not think about it and go meet up with her. I love having her as a friend -- there honestly aren't any other women I've ever met who I connect so well with on an intellectual level -- but also just being friends with someone you love love really really hurts sometimes....
     
  10. MeatyMushroom

    MeatyMushroom Juggle Tings Proppuh

    Lol, what's a forehead surplus?

    First get talking about old times, casually bring up how the breakup has been bothering you, and you feel like you'd been a bit of an ass with the breakup.. you didn't mean to be, but it was all kinda hectic in the heat of the moment and you turned left instead of right. No hard feelings over it all etc..
    She should feel a little softer.. then if it looks good then confess your attraction and ask to try again cos you're still getting along and feel that little zing.
     
  11. newbie-one

    newbie-one one with the newbiverse

    sounds like a plan



    ^ this could be good too.

    I don't really know what the best way is to get things going again, but my guess is that if you say nothing and don't meet up with her, you're gonna miss out.

    She could be thinking the same thing that you have been.

    You could say something to her, or you could just spend some time with her. Do you hug when you see her? Maybe make some hugs a little longer. You could even casually mention how much you miss hugging her.

    Maybe hold her hand or something.

    Hope this all works out!
     
  12. Hamburglar0

    Hamburglar0 Guest

    I agreed with most of Mushroom's post, but not this part.

    Women (and often men too) want what they can't have... "the grass is greener on the other side".

    Once she knows you actively want to give it another shot, it could very well 'frighten' her off and make shit awkward.

    I would just try the 'seduction' approach rather than trying to talk your way back into things with her... if you're able to get the physical side of things to happen, the rest will fall into place.

    Read this article for a decent explanation about why you need to get the sexual aspect of your relationship started first, before you get into the 'serious chats' or try to ask her if she's interested.

    Anyway, good luck!
     
  13. Hedgeclipper

    Hedgeclipper Qiluprneeels Nixw

    MAn I wish she could just realize how chill our lives would become together. I don't want to have to try to seduce her... I wish I could do stuff like that but it doesn't usually work out...

    Honestly idk how I've ever gotten laid. It always jsut sorta happened. I dnt think i get second chances at that sort of thing...


    Man I was chatting with her on saturday and she told me that she wanted me to come over and hang out, so I get all ready and then she doesn't answer her phone for 2 hours and then after that she's "busy with papers." I know people get busy but if you wnt to spend time with someone, you always eventually make time for them. Stuff like that fkn hurts...


    e
    : on closser inspection, that looks like a stupid website,,,
     
  14. tuesdaystar

    tuesdaystar Interneter

    "We are not ever going to have sex so if that's all you want you might as well break up with me" certainly sounds like a test. People, especially young women, don't usually realize how manipulative they are being, so I wouldn't say "testing you" is unforgivable, but telling your boyfriend you are never going to have sex with him is weird. Maybe she's not attracted to you physically...
     
  15. Hedgeclipper

    Hedgeclipper Qiluprneeels Nixw

    yeah, I figured she either wasn't attracted to me physically or was testing me, but usually when I actually see her IRL she acts as if she is attracted to me physically. Maybe she's not, but she always looks at me and touches me in a way that makes me think she is.

    I asked her once, though, and she said she wasn't, but idk...
     
  16. MeatyMushroom

    MeatyMushroom Juggle Tings Proppuh

    She's probably thinking the exact same "what if" mode.. take the plunge and see what happens. Trust your intuition, cos it's better than logic at this kinda shit.
    Nothing risked, nothing gained :p
     

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