so for all i know this could be completely normal (I'm a female by the way). For some reason i feel a total disconnection between arousal in my clit and in the g-spot. when i feel aroused in my clit, my emotions completely turn off, thinking about people i'm attracted to/care for in real life completely throws me off, I watch extreme genres of porn and afterwards I feel what often males call "post nut clarity". when its the other way (g-spot), i feel a lot of emotions, i feel good after getting off and i fantasise about normal things and real romantic connections i have with other people in my life. porn disgusts me when im in this state, whereas in the other its the only thing i can think about. it feels like these two could never connect like media portrays them as doing (e.g women recieving head from their romantic partner as foreplay) and i get two totally different kinds of pleasure from them, not just physically. is there something wrong, is there a name for this and is it normal?
I am a guy so I cannot comment from experience... but I can speak of experience with gals. My wife is similar to you I think, in order for her to orgasm she has to be the one doing the rubbing. She cannot cum orally or during sex...only masturbation. Which is not that uncommon. She can get distracted easily, she likes me to tongue her nipples but not move around too much or she will lose it. She has to concentrate on the feeling, not sexual thoughts and just like you - if she starts thinking sexual thoughts about someone...it's over.
I did have a gal way back that came to orgasm almost every time we had sex. That was awesome... but she was the only one like that
I cannot relate but all I can think of is that you are normal. Maybe that will change, who knows. At least you know how your mind works and you do what suits you best for the occasion. Best thing for you is to come to accept yourself the way you are and get the most satisfaction you can get. And you know what to do when you are with someone.