Verbally abusive?

I try to talk out my qualms with my boyfriend, but for whatever reason it seems to always turn back on me.
I tried to confront him, and talk things out, on a very hurtful thing that he said to me two nights ago. . He accused me of being self-centered and that I act like no one has had it harder than I have.
I had the worst headache of my life that night, and I have to say I didn't feel like I was whining at all.
He said things to me that really hurt me.
I am, btw, ADD and have suffered PTSD, along with BPD.
But I am really working on bettering myself, my outlook, my attitude, my relationships. . . All of it. I try not to blame any of my past on my current outlook.
All of it is about learning and enlightenment to me. I don't claim to be perfect.
And here is where the problem arises.
I make mistakes all the time, but I own up to them. I have to.
But whenever I feel like he does, I hear the vilest things about myself.
Like I try to assert myself and confront him, I am beat down verbally. . . What just happened here? I'm trying to discuss one instance and every single awful thing that I do or have done comes up. I try to bring it back round to the topic of his hurtful words and all I get is more verbal attacks. Snide, condescending tone and chuckles of everything I have to say/feel/think.
I'm tired of being the most imperfect being ever. I mean, the things he says are really hurtful. And not just in arguments. . I can't remember the last compliment he gave me (unless it pertained to my outfit). I'm sure that happens in a lot of relationships. But what to do when every trait he attributes to me or my family is negative?? I.e. laziness, weakness, recklessness. . .
And when I try to tell a joke, he doesn't laugh. He just doesn't. And then he just turns it on me. . like, "oh, i thought you were being serious . . poking fun of yourself like that. made sense to me."
Guess I just answered my own question. Needed to get it out.

 

Yeah I won't even bother to elaborate... my opinion is gtfo of that relationship today

 

Yes you did. No one needs that kind of added stress. :bigcry:

 

Misery loves company! Your guy sounds like a negative creep. It is going to be hard for you to every feel positive when you are with someone so negative. No one deserves this and you like anyone out there can do better.

 

There's no way i would ever put up with that kind of shit, why are you?

 

The minute you get out of that relationship you'll feel your confidence level rise 10 points.

 

Get out and run away as fast as you can.

 

Thanks guys. I do appreciate your feedback.

 

My first ever relationship when I was 16 was with a verbally abusive man. You need to get out ASAP. Nothing can prepare you for the self esteem issues you will suffer from this person's abuse. Hell I still have issues arising from it today!

Be prepared for an increase of abuse if you leave this person and then return, or leave and stay in contact. Abusive men thrive on having a victim. If they have no one they can control the problem becomes worse. Best to get out and stay out.

Good luck!

 

I feel like I was reading about myself here. I was with the same man for 14 years. GTFO, no joke. I have been divorced for over a year, and he still tries to find ways to bully me, and micromanage my life. Excpet, now I have built up some self confidence, and a bit of a backbone, and he hates it. oh well, to bad for him, but it takes time to find yourself again. I am no longer on anti-depressants since I got rid of his sorry ass though! Good Luck

 

You both are talking about mentally ill people here. One HAS to be OFF to get enjoyment out of treating ANYONE like that. I sometimes think "how dare someone treat another person like that" and then I remember that there are lots of sick fuckers that get enjoyment out of others misery. And there are people that are attracted to abusers. Bad combination. This will escalate---run,don't walk away from this prick and WATCH YOUR BACK. The most dangerous time for an abused person is when they come to their senses and realize that they don't deserve abuse from an abuser. Or anyone,for that matter. Make a plan and do it.

 

I guess I'm a different type of woman since I have never let anyone mentally abuse me in any way. I've had men that have tried, but were never successful since I'm a walking ball of explosives every day of my life.

I think you need to give him a taste of his own medicine...tell him what's wrong with HIM, then walk away from the situation.

No one deserves any kind of abuse.

 

"A walking ball of explosives". Nothing I like better than a woman who kicks ass!!

 

No...its not good. I go from happy to rabid in less than a second.

 

And once you get out of this relationship, look into either counseling or an amazing support system and some serious time to adjust and grow and learn how to not get into more abusive relationships in the future and recognize the signs.

It is easy to get into abusive relationships if you attract that, which is not to say its your fault, its probably that you're very compassionate and forgiving and very open to people which can make you look very attractive to someone who needs someone to control emotionally and accept very unbalanced communication habits.

I just wanted to add that myself and a number of my friends have this tendency to not see when people are abusing us emotionally, so we've all been working to not end up in emotionally abusive relationships again and it really is difficult. There are so many layers to these relationships that when you get out of it, you will probably discover things you have yet to see and how much work you have do to correct the internal issues caused by it...

Good luck to you. Be vigilant, get educated as much as you can, there's tons of information on the internet and organizations that help people to leave abusive relationships and verbal abuse is just as damaging as physical, just on a different level.

 

Dang now that I think about it, usedtobehoney, this post above also seems to apply to a few of my guy friends as well and their abusive relationships as well.

 

Yeah...now that I can see the signs of it, I see it everywhere...it's extremely common, like 1 in 4 people are in abusive relationships when you include verbal abuse which is more common than physical abuse and is often just seen as "normal, people have fights in relationships"...but it goes really deep and can be mentally debilitating. I'm sad to say...I see it everywhere now.

ETA: Justice is invigorating.

 

smack him

itll straighten him out

 

I think this topic deserves it's own thread.

When does a simple verbal argument among couples, cross the line into verbal abuse? I mean arguing is sometimes healthy and normal, but when does it cross the line?

 

buy him a bowling ball as a gift and drop it in his lap..

"Hi honey, I love you got you a gift, enjoy"..