Variety Can Be The Spice Of Life

I think it is ok to have more than one sex partner. Men have done it for years! I do not think it is bad or labels us as a bad person. I think we can care for each partner and feel intimacy with them. I also do not feel it is wrong as long as the people you see are told and understand that you are not exclusive.

 

Something to be said for having someone to hold every night.

 

I have been with different women, and love the fact that all like different things. And no 2 women are alike. I like different nationalites. Yes variety is nice. I look back and wonder what the women I turned down would have been like.

 

I also think variety is a positive thing. As long as no one is getting hurt.

 

Just a little hard to navigate when you are married. My fear is that my husband would find someone he'd rather be with than me, that she'd want him to herself, and that the marriage would be ruined. Same thing for me. What kind of ground rules do people establish to protect against such problems?

 

It's a legitimate concern. I would have pursued an arrangement of this kind if I hadn't been concerned about the possible ramifications somewhere down the line.

 

I admire the swinging couples that get it done and reiterate this "it made us love one another more/we became closer because of it" scenario. I mean personally it sounds fuckin' stupid and made up, but in our very limited time with swinging couples no less than 3 couples have said this to us so we do see light at the end of the tunnel. I think you need to separate the emotion from the sex and treat the sex as a social activity with no emotional connection. This appears to be a harder bridge for women to cross than men.

 

In the MFM threesomes that I have enjoyed, it has been my male friends who have joined my woman and I. The rules were that we would be sexual with each other in the same room. My male friends would not contact my woman or try to be sexual with her without me being involved. In my opinion, it's when people go behind their mates back and betray an agreement that the trouble begins. For me it's very erotic to enjoy sex together with my woman and another person at the same time. It's lying that pisses me off. It's betrayal that turns erotica into paranoia and jealousy. But that's just me. Maybe you are different?

 

If you have those fears, non-monogamy is not for you. If you don't have the basic belief that you are the best possible overall fit, but rather are delightfully adequate, just hold on to each other, continue to cherish each other, and cherish what you have. Monogamy is not a four-letter word. You aren't uncool for sticking with monogamy together.

My current relationship is monogamous because we are both very jealous with each other. I have never experienced jealousy before. It almost scared me off. I would do anything to avoid feeling that way again, so we communicate very openly about behaviors/situations triggering fears or anything like that. This is something I hope is resolved over time, especially since he is curious about a threesome, and I know we can't navigate and negotiate that as things stand right now.

When I was in a non-monogamous relationship, we had first right of refusal which meant if one of us wanted to go with someone else, the other had first dibs on that time, and had to say it was okay to spend that time with someone else.

We had the right to veto. For any reason or no reason at all, we could reject each other's partners, and they were never allowed back in.

We woke up next to each other every time he alarm clock went off.

Partners could visit, but they could never move in.

All questions were thoroughly and honestly answered. No questions were off-limits.

You know what, first right of refusal and veto never once were invoked. I did learn things about myself that made it impossible to stay in my marriage though. My divorce is an indirect result of non-monogamy. I didn't leave for anyone I met that way, but rather the rediscovery of parts of myself I had allowed our relationship to erode and hide under the rug. I had to get out in order to be true to myself. There are no guarantees.

 

I don't establish ground rules. He can really do whatever he wants.

Think of the many couples who are exclusive and yet, the man (or the woman) finds somebody else, cheats, eventually falls in love, etc.

If he ever finds somebody else he wants more than he wants me, I'll wish them both luck and happiness. He's my friend, as well as my husband. None of my relationships ended up with us being enemies.

From his side, there are ground rules. Not many, just one, actually. I think it's wrong and a stupid rule, but I do what he wants. He doesn't want me to have sex with my friends. I'd rather be fucking my friends than total strangers. Safer for all parts involved.

 

Sometimes I wonder about this need to have more than one male sexual partner.

Men like variety: women are so different from one another, with different hair colors/textures, different shapes of the different assets, different names. But dick is dick....

 

^^^^^ Dicks come in different lengths and thickness. Some men moan more than others, some are more adventurous, some are squeamish, some aren't. Some men come with muscular bodies, some with more stamina, some talk dirty, some don't. Some have sexy voices.

No two men are the same.

But it isn't a need. It's like with food. Varying is good. Even if you like something a lot, it doesn't mean you can't try something else for a change, sometimes.

It isn't for everybody. If you're more comfortable with exclusivity, that's fine, too.

 

I had an open relationship whilst married and we got off telling each other what e got upto

 

I have hooked up with other ladies out of necessity (to have sex at all) and it has been some of the best experiences of my life.