Upsetting thing I found in my mothers room

It was a journal entry. I was moving things around so I could lay on her bed and moved a few notebooks and peeked into one. I didn't know it was a journal of hers. It was dated from about a year ago and it talked about how she had drank a whole bottle of vodka and then gone and drank so much more she was asked if she had taken drugs. This was before she went to AA*she's been a year sober today*. It upsets me though how she could have done that. I can't help but feel strong resentment towards her. When she was an alcoholic all we did was fight and pretty much yelled as general communication. I still get really mad at her for the stupidest reasons because i'm still so angry at her. It seems like whatever she says upsets me and I don't even like to be around her. I know I shouldn't be like this but I can't help it. We still fight a lot because of it. Maybe one day i'll accept it. But not for now.

 

You'll forgive her eventually.

Hell, at least you didn't find a huge nasty overused vibrator.

 

I hope that day is soon. Oh i'd be in therapy if I found one of those.

 

That my friend was step 4 of the twelve steps. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. A step where you right down on paper every fucked up thing you ever did and delve into who you are and why. Instead of being pissed I would be extremely proud of her. Thats perhaps the largest and hardest step and ver instrumental in recovery.

 

I know I should be. It's a very hard thing to do for me though. It's hard for me to even accept that she is an alcoholic. It's one of many factors that make me feel that way towards her.

 

you will forgive her. its a disease. its hard for her,. and she probably feels like complete shit for dissapointing her daughter, a feeling that is so bad, you could probably relate by the feeling of your anger. if shes been sober for a year, then shes really trying to get her life back and her family's life back. you should be there for her and try to eventually get over the anger. do you go to the meetings for children of alcholic parents? that might help to be around people that are going through exactly what you are, and you can talk openly about it, and they will all be right there with you, and know what your feeling.

 

I wish I could relate to how she's feelings. I'm not good at that. I don't even think they have those. If they did my mother would have definitely said something. You should see where she goes to meetings a small little house.

 

im sure they have meeting at a church, how small is your town? i live in a very very small town and we have meetings for everything,. you can check the churches, and the library.

 

or if you need help finding one, and want to do go, i can help you find one close by, just pm me with your town and ill do a search.

 

I don't know. I'm not sure I want to.

 

Have you considered taking a family support program ?(not al-anon) I took something called "The Family Prgram" It was group therapy that taught me how to take care of myself and helped me let go of resentments and fear. It saved the quality of my life ...and changed alot of behaviors (co-dependant) Al-anon is ok too, but I found that a little whiny. Another group may be just fine.

 

well, its totally up to you, its just a suggestion, you have all this inner anger, and sometimes it helps to be around ppl that are going through the same thing, and talk about it. theres online sites that you can do the same thing,. if your a bit scared, which is absolutely understandable, then maybe that could be the first step.

 

my best friend's mom is an alcholic, she went to a group that was local, i forgot the name, it was like ..... hearts . but anyways, it helped her alot, the family program sounds like a good idea.

 

well i been sober for a year and 3 months almost exactly.. it takes time to get your mind right,,on both sides..

dont expect miracles overnight.. things will slowly improve between you two,,im sure of it..

give your mom a big hug for me and tell her im happy for the both of you and yall keep up the good work..
remember,,blood is thicker than alcohol..

 

I think the online thing would be a good idea. This is a small town and people do talk I would be ashamed to be known as the daughter of the drunk. Not ashamed of her but just not happy about it.

 

Your mom's been sober for a year, so great for her!

Now guit poking around in her shit! I'll bet you woulda been pissed if she looked at your journal. Sheesh, kids want privacy and respect, but it's OK to snoop through the parents stuff.

 

Congratulations. I hope they do. I'll do that for you.

 

i dont like family counseling.. it never fails,,the counselor will always choose a side..
no its my experience that the family should work through there problems on there own ,,lest a outsider make it worse..

 

I remember when my ex husband pretended to be in the twelve step program (basically for the benefit of the court)

He supposedly got to step 8 and 9 within about 3 weeks if that. I have heard from clients that it can take months to get to these steps, sometimes even years.

1. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

1. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

so anyways, we sit down at this public place, the girls are there etc. and he continues to tell me, how he knows that he hurt me by always, calling me a ****, bitch, whore, slut, etc.. I was like WOW, he is soo full of shit. Anyways, my oldest daugther who has had issues with her father is sitting there and she is only like maybe 13 at the time, and she says so innocently to this man that is supposed to be her hero and such. "dad what about me, because you used to call me those same names'" he laughs and says to her "I remember when you were a baby and your mom would work and I would be watching you, you would cry and cry and I would go into the crib and just smack your ass back down on the mattress". The look of hurt in my daughters eyes were enough to about piss me off. I just politely looked at him and said, I believe that this bullshit is now over and then proceded to tell him what a piece of shit I thought he was and had been for a very long time. He then looks at me and says shut the fuck up ****!! haha!! so much for his step 8 and 9.

I would have been very appreciative had he REALLY been doing a twelve step program which he wasnt.


I would be proud of your mom at least she is taking it serious.

 

It was an accident it really was. I didn't do it to snoop. I don't go through her stuff i've got enough to worry about in my own business.