Untitled Corniness

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by jazzyjerms09, Dec 17, 2009.

  1. jazzyjerms09

    jazzyjerms09 Member

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    I'm just not feeling the season.
    Not feeling the reason to draw the blinds and waste time waiting for the sun.
    I'm not feeling the cold and bundled up fashion, when it was hot, we were locked in passion.
    Tangled in a triangle, confused about doubts, we drove for miles, and the city faded out.
    Soul searchin', we were thirstin' for more and crossin' the dividing line between space and time.
    We were inseperable then, we couldn't get enough.
    Of the goodies we gave, of love, of lust.
    Keeping in mind that we should think it through first.
    Doubted by exes, oh we were hated.
    But held on to the support of the universe.
    Now the ground is frosted, my lips blue.
    I'm stuck here.
    While you, you're kept warm by a blind fool.

    Yeah. It's pretty corny. But I'm over it. haha
     
  2. Zorba The Grape

    Zorba The Grape Gavagai?

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    ...
    Tangled up in blue.

    In all seriousness though, this is good. I would tweak some of the lines, but that's your call.
     
  3. caliente

    caliente Senior Member

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    I really like your writing. And I don't think this is corny at all :)
     

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