Here's my story. I could really use some advice. I've dated my first boyfriend when I was 14 years old. It felt right, he's the one who saved my from my brothers abuse. I was back to being single at 15 1/2. It took me a couple of years to even be interested in dating again. At 18 I got my second and last boyfriend. lasted less then a year. The abuse of my brother and manipulation of my narcistic dad made it impossible for me to trust men. I feel uncomfortable in their presence. Now I've been single for 5 years. No interest in dating whatsoever. I never want to marry or live together with a man. I've recently had a one night stand (sorry for being blunt). But it's a very important detail since it made me realise that I have no interest in men that way. I started questioning everything I know.. When I think about a relationship with a woman or living with a woman I get really excited. I started thinking about the movies I always loved to watch and I really think the women are gorgeous. But it could also be a kind of envy. Being jealous of the way they look.. There were a few girls in my past I admired but I never linked this to a romantic kind of feeling. I don't think I've ever been in love with a women because I'm pretty sure I would know. The thought of dating a woman is really exciting to me but the thought about having a sexual realtionship is the part that scares me of a little. I think I would like it. But it gives me so much pressure in my head right now. Being insecure about whether I could do it.. It's all a little to much for me I guess. Thank you for reading this and letting me spill my guts. I am so insecure right now. I don't want to lead anyone on. That's why I want to be sure about being gay. I feel like.. If I really am gay I should have known by now. I'm 24 years old. Although I have been struggling with depression for mutiple years and am only now getting better. How can I be sure? ps. forgive me for any spelling errors, english is not my native language.
Don’t worry. My mates brother came out aged 30 something. He wasn’t sure, then he was. Now he is happy within himself. Good luck.
This is one of the most destructive thoughts. I see it all the time on some other forums I am on. No, there is no reason why you should have known earlier. There are plenty of reasons why you might have hidden it from yourself. Don't beat yourself up about it. You know when you know. It sounds like you are not quite at the point of "knowing", but it sure sounds like you suspect that you are gay. Put aside moral judgments that are based on a confused past. Investigate where you are at now. If you are a lesbian, then you are. There is nothing wrong with that. You don't have to jump into bed with the first nice woman you meet, but why not expand your circle of female friends and see where it leads? You might find that it doesn't feel right for you, or you might find that it does. Either way, you will know.
Thank you so much, it's really helpful. I went to online dating and it felt like leading the girl on since I'm not sure yet, which I obviously told her. The pressure is high with online dating because I want to feel something the first time we meet. I know I'm not one to fall in love easily but I'm pretty tough on myself.
What and who you're attracted to will change over time as you experience life and grow as a person. So you're about 23/24yo? The next 10 years you're going to see a lot of personal development and what you're attracted to today might not be the case in 10 years and you can't really change that, you just gotta accept it. My parents always told me when I was a teenager that pretty much everything I'm into will shift. My most important interests have always stayed with me, but now that I'm 32 I know exactly where they were coming and they were right. My personal development saw changes in a lot of things.
I'll also say this in terms of wondering if you're a lesbian or not. I fell in love with a girl at school and I've been with her ever since, but had I not met her I do not think I would have grown an attraction to date females. I fell in love with the person, not the gender. I call myself a lesbian because my experiences have generally been with women and I can definitely say that I'm attracted to them. Had I not moved countries with my family, had they have not put in the school they did, had my now wife not been in the same role call class as me, I honestly believe my life would be completely different and that goes with my sexuality as well. It was just... meant to be, quite a few circumstances brought us together but holy hell a change in one of those circumstances and I'm looking at a completely different life.
