Unsure what to do

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Spuff, May 19, 2004.

  1. Spuff

    Spuff Where's my ciggies?

    I'm going out with a girl at the moment. She's very sweet and nice but there's a problem... because I was with my ex for so long (two and a half years), I still have feelings for her that won't go away. There is no chance I'll get back with her because I draw the line at cheating but I feel bad because I want to be more in love with the girl I'm with now but I'm having difficulty. I really want to be with her and I don't want to break her heart but is there any advise anyone can give me to get rid of the feelings I have for my ex? I want to give my girlfriend all the love I have. I almost feel as though I'm cheating and I detest the thought of me cheating on anybody.
     
  2. WayfaringStranger

    WayfaringStranger Corporate Slave #34

    relax. breath deep. dont think too much. enjoy the present without any expectations or responsabilities. love takes years. dont force anything, dont ruin anything. be comfortable, enjoy yourself, be open. cant change the past, cant predict the future, live in the moment, release all control ofver the world and situations, and let nature flow. mellow. mellow.
     
  3. honeyhannah

    honeyhannah herbuhslovuh

    yeah, you basically need to just let things flow, don't try to deny feelings for your 'ex' just don't focus on them, don't try to force emotions for your new gf just be. Things will calm down, just realize that this is not as big as it seems, you'll be fine! You're a good guy!
     
  4. kier

    kier I R Baboon

    take one step at a time, you'll stay true and your love will increase :)
     
  5. wizarddrew77

    wizarddrew77 The Wiz

    End old relationships BEFORE starting new ones.
     
  6. dietcoketree

    dietcoketree Member

    dont listen to this guy; hes unhappy in his relationships, so he thrives off making other people sound like they are stupid and low.

    ANYWAYS... i know exactly where your coming from. i fell in love and we had to break it off for numberous reasons but it didnt take away the feelings ive had for him.

    all thats really helped me move on is time, however i still feel the hurt as sharp and painful as it first was. i dont know if you can really ever stop loving someone. i also am extremely AGAINST cheating, and would not take anyone back who ever cheated on me, no matter how bad it hurt.

    its all your choice here, which you know. theres really nothing you should feel guilty about with still having feelings for someone you love(d). it would be bad if you didnt, just because it would show maybe you didnt feel as strongly as you had thought. you sound like you really like your current girlfriend, so just stay with her at your comfert level. maybe you can realize the differences between your x and her, and embrace what your gf brings to the relationship you never had before. think of it this way; should you and your gf ever break up- you will miss her too. start embraceing the things that you think you might miss, if that makes sense.

    good luck with everything. it truly tears me apart that someone with so much passion and sincerity, as yourself, can be so betrayed and just left to wonder what might have been and still hope that there is something still to be had. pm me if youd ever like to talk, our situations are very simular.
     
  7. wizarddrew77

    wizarddrew77 The Wiz

    So if you were his girlfriend right now how would you feel if you knew he was still not over his ex and still had feelings for her? You would be just fine with that right? LOL
    But you can't stand cheaters? LOL
    So what I posted was for him to get over his ex BEFORE he started his new relationship in fairness to his new girlfriend.
    Many times we end up in these situtaions where we are waiting like a dog till the other person is OVER their stuff. It also shows he did not HEAL yet and that shows very much in his OP.
     
  8. Musikero

    Musikero Supporters HipForums Supporter

    Yes, well that's the ideal thing to do and I agree with you. Unfortunately for Spuff, it's too late for him to follow your advice since he already has a new relationship.
     
  9. dietcoketree

    dietcoketree Member

    its going to take time to get over someone, but that doesnt mean you should SULK in your saddness for someone... he made it clear he wont be going back to her so that isnt cheating. maybe if he saw her on a daily basis my opinion would be different...

    you cant help your feelings. i dont blame him if he is only looking for a distraction from his hurt; in which he finds in his gf. but, he even seems to be into his gf, just troubled by what he lost with his past partner.

    i dont understand why you take all i say out of context to make me sound as ignorant as stupid as you do. oh well.. ill through explaining myself to you!

    To Spuff: sorry to detour from your question. but i still say the same; do what you feel you should. if you think your current gf is worth pursuing, give her a chance and embrace what she has to offer to you. take care!
     
  10. mamaboogie

    mamaboogie anarchist

    he's right. rebound relationships never work. It will only end up tearing you and your current girlfriend to shreds. Get over the last one first, so you can be able to move on to the next. It really is that easy. Tell your girlfriend how you feel, be open and honest with her, and don't duck when she throws a punch in your face (literally or figuratively) because you had it comin' all along.
     
  11. Spuff

    Spuff Where's my ciggies?

    Thank you so much for that advice ... but we broke up a couple of months back though. Back to being single again! *sigh* I came to realise that there was no real spark between us so I was honest with her and we split up but still remain good friends. In fact, I attended her 18th birthday party last night but it was a very weird feeling seeing her with her new boyfriend. But ... it's just one of those things!
    But it's quite strange ... I still have feelings for the ex from my original post, even though we haven't spoke for over 2 years (she chose to blank me from her life for no good reason ... even though she cheated on me!) I definately would never take her back though if she turned up at my doorstep.
    I suppose I'm going to have to make the best of being single for the time being. It's lonely as hell but at least my heart isn't getting broken!
     
  12. BeaverKoffi

    BeaverKoffi Member

    Oh fuck... in the beggining i wanted to remind how Uneducated Dietcoke is but... after reading this guys post.... The problem is in you.... understand girls mentality more and you will succed... as u see your last one CHEATED on u and threw u out of her life OMG ! wtf is that ? if u did not do anything to find out y that happened to you ? y she cheated on u ? she wasnt satisfied with u ? THEN DIETCOKES ADVISES HAHAHHAHA are the BEST for you.
     
  13. dawn_sky

    dawn_sky Senior Member

    Actually, his advice on this thread was quite sound. After a break-up, a good period of being single -- however long it takes to truly get over your previous relationship -- is absolutely essential before you can have a new meaningful relationship. Sure, you can date, you can get laid, you can have lots of fun. But, if you try to get into a serious relationship before truly getting over the last one, you're only going to hurt the poor Mr./Ms. Rebound you're newly dating (and quite possibly cause yourself more pain as well).
     

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