unsatisfied in bed

I've started seeing someone who I really like. Everything about him and I is great, except for the sex.

He is not that big (wide or long) even when completely hard. And he doesn't last more than a few minutes. I also give him oral sex almost every time we hang out but he has yet to do anything to me except finger me and suck on my tits.

He orgasms a couple times every night! I want to too What can I do?

 

They told me in NA:
"Fake it 'til you make it"

 

go to the love and sex forum and read my response on a similar topic, in the oral and anal sex sub forum.

 

Cut him off.

 

^^Communicate what you want in bed. (I'm assuming of course that you haven't talked to him yet)

 

Tell him about how you're feeling. You're never going to get anywhere if you don't. Whether he listens or not is indicative if he's even worth your time. Tell him you're getting no pleasure.

 

Tell him what you want. If you're worried that it'll embarrass him, then you dont need to tell him that you arent having an orgasm: Just tell him that you'd like him to starting doing *whatever*. If you cant talk to him about what you want then there isnt much more you can do, except get used to being unsatisfied.

 

Have you told him?

 

Does giving him a blow job (to orgasm) make him last longer if you have sex afterwards? I can't see how it wouldn't, unless he couldn't get it up again. In which case you should just be patient and wait a bit longer for it.

If you want oral, tell him. Don't think that he'll ever, ever, ever know what you want unless you tell him. ESPECIALLY if you start faking orgasms, don't do that.

So let's say you suck him off, then he eats you out. In the time that takes he should be able to go again, but he'll still be a little spent from the last ejaculation so he should last longer, and you'll already be all warmed up and ready to go. Switch positions fairly often to make sure he doesn't come, and to see what feels best for you; if his penis is actually very small then some positions probably won't be very satisfying for you, but as long as he's not tiny there should be some that will work just fine.

 

no pity..

 

Talk with him. Ask him about his sexual needs and desires and then tell him about your needs and wants.

You can teach him how to stop and go ... how to stop and give head ... lots of things that YOU can do. Don't put the load on him. Our male egos are too freakin' fragile!

Don't fake anything. If both of you cannot be honest, then the relationship is most likely going to fold anyway.

Good luck!




Have fun and play safely!

 

I am the opposite...call me!

 

Is this the neighbor? I thought he was good when drunk? Maybe you just need to get him loaded each time...

 

Haha not its not my neighbor. That was a bad idea, things got awkward really quickly. Bummer too because we were good friends before. He got really weirdly jealous when my guy friends were hanging on me, made a scene at a bar and stormed out. His roommates said he gets like that when he hooks up with a girl. I feel bad because I just assumed since he was a guy he would be down for no-strings-attached.

But this other guy is a guy I had been hanging out with on and off for a little while, and lately we have been spending a lot of time together. The bed situation has not really gotten much better but everything else has. I really enjoy his company and I enjoy sleeping with him because it is satisfying in other ways. Mostly afterwards because he is so affectionate and gentle.

When I get more comfortable with him I might suggest him going down on me. I thought he was about to last night, he got down to my belly button but then came back up. Maybe he's nervous? I don't know. I was trying to act really excited and turned on so he would know I wanted it, but I guess I should have just said "Don't stop..."

 

You should have. If you want him to do something you're going to have to tell him. It's as simple as that. Drop the hints first so he can get used to them and eventually learn to pick up on them, but never be shy about saying what you want. If you can't do that then the situation will not improve and the relationship is going to be strained.

 

his penis size doesn't have to be an issue as there are literally endless things to choose from that you can do together... and good or better sex is more a mental thing than anything else. it's a matter of where you're willing to go with the relationship in a sexual sense and how willing you both are to talk about this stuff.
and there's apparently some decent affection and whatnot coming from his side which would make working on this that much more worth it. but if you're not really looking for a long-term relationship then i wouldn't even bother.
i do believe he was nervous about giving you oral. you basically described the kind of stuff i did for a time when i was younger. i'd suggest that you just tell him to do it, but do so in a nice / nonchalant kind of way and at the right moment... i get the feeling he'd oblige, perhaps that he really wants to but is, as you alluded to, afraid.

 

It's a wonder that any of us ever have sex; we are all so insecure about our sexual knowledge, our skills, and our physical attributes. Be open and understanding and hope that it's reciprocated.

 

Yeah I understand what you guys are saying, but I'm just not sure how I go about saying "hey I want you to go down on me"... I'm sure that is easy for a lot of girls but I have a hard time being that straight forward with people in general, especially in bed. It took my ex boyfriend months before he finally went down on me, and it was the first time he had. I guess that's what I get for being attracted to shy guys...

Plus what if he really just doesn't like going down on girls? I wouldn't end the relationship because of that, but if I say something it might make things really awkward. Like how would he respond to that? "No sorry I don't do that"? I would be so embarrassed.

 

I have another question. When I go down on him I get really into it, and he really likes it, but then he pulls me back up after a few minutes. Since he has a smaller penis I really actually like giving him head because I can deep throat him really easy and that's exciting for me because I usually can't do that. I want to make him cum in my mouth but he won't let me? Why is that?

 

Seriously if you can't trust your partner not to judge you, then there is no point in being in a relationship. If its something that you want and your partner really loves you most would be willing to satisfy. I am sure if you keep lying to him and telling him you are getting pleasure when your not its just gonna turn ugly. Your partner should be the one who excepts you no matter what and if they can't then your obiviously with the wrong person. It is just plain and simple. Tell him what you want, its not fair to keep him in the dark. I am sure if he knew you weren't getting pleasure at all he would feel like shit. So please consider him more then yourself. I think you are more shy then the guy you are dating.

Tiffany