This has happened to me several times, but today is the only example I can remember. So I stepped out of my apartment today and out of the corner of my eye I saw an old friend of my that hooked up with my girlfriend behind my back. I am not a violent person, but I have tremendous anger towards this girl. And I hadnt seen this girl sense last semester, so blood starts flowing to my fists and I decided to take a side street and meet her at that top of this hill. As I was walking briskly, my mind was FLOODED with thoughts of what I was going to scream at her, if I was going to punch her in the face or just shove her, all that stuff. And I stormed up this hill, I can fucking see this bitch now, I am FUMING, my eyes are on FIRE at this point and I am ready to take a bitch, and right as I was about to cross the street and beat her up/ bitch her out, a Tibetan monk LITERALLY walked in front of me on the sidewalk and just stood there smiling in his robe, looking me directly in the eyes. Immediately, light bulb turned on in my head, anger left, compassion returned, I was forced to stop and think instead of letting animalistic urges cause more suffering. I just stopped, smiled at him, said thank you, and walked to class. And it was just one of those moments when I truly feel the universe stepped in and shoved me in the right direction. Has anyone else ever experienced anything similar? These things make me smile
Er, once I was about to shoot a pigeon and right before I shot, a hawk swooped down and flew away with it. Lol. But I don't think its the same thing ahah
at least you listened. i never listen, not always at least. even when i don't listen, i still acknowledge these things when they happen.
^^ I have no idea what that means.. haha But yeah, I just saw this same girl again, and I looked her straight in the face and smiled at her and she couldn't even look me in the eye and just turned her head shamefully. Which made me realize that I'm sure she punished herself enough and I have no need to punish her.
Oh, I remember another example but it's pretty sad so if you don't want to be bummed out, then stop reading..... HERE. Awesome. Well, in high school, I went through a really difficult period, as all kids do of course. In my family, I had to grow up really quick. Both my parents are addicts growing up and my dad was really abusive towards me my brother and mom and freshmen year of high school my dad got arrested for beating my mom up. I didn't tell anyone, not my friends, not my teachers, no one. I was court ordered into therapy but again, I just acted totally fine. They gave me Celexa that I threw away and Xanax that I sold. Overtime, my depression worsened. I was numb, this is when i started doing a lot of drugs and cutting myself, I stopped eating, no good. A lot of kids I knew cut, but they'd display it and brag about where as I was class president, president of several clubs and hid all of my behaviors to keep this front. I remember going on vacation with my grandparents and sitting on a cruise ship thinking "I should be sooo happy, and I'm not. I'm selfish and something is wrong with me, I can't do this anymore, I am not deserving of life". So I sat on the sun desk and wrote out my suicide note. And when I got home, I decided I was going to finally do it. I was going to take a ton of pills and slit my wrists in the bath after I was good and fucked up. So I went to school the first day after vacation to see everyone for the last time, kiss my friends, all that stuff and I kept this suicide note in my play script because when I had wrote it, I was pretending to run lines so my grandparents wouldnt suspect anything. 3rd period, I "accidently" left my binder in the theater. I didn't notice until last period of the day when I was getting ready to go home. Whoever found it looked through it for some reason, which doesn't even make sense because the note was in a SEALED envelop that was just addressed to my girlfriend at the time and tucked inside a side pocket AND my name was clearly written on the outside of the binder. Whoever this person was gave my binder to my guidance counselor, had read the note and warned him of my suicide. I was called out of class last period, literally hours before I had planned to kill myself and taken to the guidance office where my letter was sitting on his desk. I FREAKED out, screaming this was an invasion of privacy, that the note wasn't mine, that I was FINE, I remember so crisply screaming "I'm fine! i'm fine!" over and over and over as tears streamed down my face. I was soooo angry that someone thru a wrench into my plans and of course, I was sent to get treatment immediately against my own will. Retrospectively, I am so incredibly grateful that this intervention occurred. Something or someone much wiser than I obviously stepped in and pushed me once again in the right direction again.
damn that shit is crazy, i have thought about suicide before but i would not have the balls to do it.
craziness man. sometimes the fates have other plans for you and your actions are set for you. Ive been through alot of shit from sexual abuse and my mom being violent. I have never even thought of suicide. Commiting suicide is giving up and letting whoever did you wrong win. I wil not let them win. Glad you didnt either. Keep your head up girl, shit has a way of working itself out.
Its not too often my jaw drops during a post on here. I mean that in an inspiring way, your posts really made me think a little.
