Ugh, sorry. I really need to vent.

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by acetonephish, Jan 16, 2005.

  1. acetonephish

    acetonephish lickage


    :mad: :mad: :mad:

    My boyfriend read my diary again. OMG. We were having like this fight today, well, actually, we were hardly talking to each other, and so I just left him alone in my room because I needed to be away from him for a few minutes. So, a little while later I came back and later on we had a talk, and then something like this happened:

    Him: "...And you're not a bad person."
    Me: "What??"
    Him: "You're not a bad person despite what you may think."
    Me: "How would you know whether or not I think that?"
    Him (something like): "I can tell."
    Me: "Huh? You cant tell that. Did you read my diary??"
    Him: "No."
    Me: "What? You didn't?"
    Him: "No."
    ME: "Huh?? Yes you did."
    Him: "Yeah, I did. But its only because I wanted to find out whats going on inside your head."

    Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

    Its really starting to piss me off. ITs my fucking diary, I dont want anyone to read it. Hes read it over 3 times already without my permission.
  2. know1nozme

    know1nozme High Plains Drifter

    You really need to stop keeping a diary. Why do people do that anyway? As if memory isn't a diary enough. You write things down and then expect no one but yourself to ever see them? People who find your diary will read it, even if it's only a few pages - it's just too tempting a target especially for your boyfriend - who possibly feels insecure and wants to know what you "REALLY" think of him (or perhaps if you are cheating, etc.) There's far too much juicy stuff associated with diaries for them to be safe avenues of personal expression.

    You have a computer... why don't you try keeping your diary on that, you could password protect it and no one would ever be able to see what you've written. If you insist on keeping a diary and you really don't want anyone looking at it, I suggest that you go that route. I've always suspected that people who kept diaries had a secret wish/desire for someone to read them, but I also think that the honesty associated with what is written in a diary is dangerous, as you have found out, if my theory is correct the worst thing that could happen is for your secret desire to come into being.
  3. Nistix

    Nistix Member

    I understand what you mean. I have a diary. I was very protective over it as there was alot of stuff in it that I didn't want anyone to see. I hardly write in it now... I don't know why. Usually I would write when there was something wrong etc. Its a shame in a way I don't keep one anymore its still fun looking back at who I was when I was writing... even if it makes me cringe sometimes.
    Briget Jones would say we write just stupid stuff in our diarys anyway. In some ways that is true. If your boyfriend is curious why don't you read some of it to him and explain stuff in it rather than waiting for him to go behind your back. If you two are serious then it shouldn't matter what you share with him.
    I find the best things I used to write were ideas. The personal stuff looking back makes me laugh. No matter what you go through in life you are certain to grow and things that seem important to you now will be far from your mind. I guess you already know that from your own experience of life in your diary!! If you are at peace with yourself then you can be at peace with everyone around you.
  4. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    kick this loser to the curb. this has happened before and it pissed you off and he still doesn't have enough respect for you and your private things. There's nothing wrong with keeping a diary. It's good for you. But not if you're worried about wether or not this asshole will read it. You'll start writing things down in a way that wouldn't offend him if he read it. you'll start lying to yourself and beleiving what you wrote. This guy is a jerk and you deserve someone who will respect you and even if curiosity gets the best of them, to not punish you for your thoughts and feelings. It sounds like you two aren't a very happy couple. Get rid of him before he really hurts you. He won't just stop reading it. So do something to make sure this asswipe won't get into your shit!
  5. acetonephish

    acetonephish lickage

    Ahhh, thats exactly what I've started to do, but in reading over my words I wrote, I then go back and become pissed off that I had to write in a manner that wouldnt be offending, and then write something really offensive just to piss him off because I know the asswipe wont respect my right to privacy, no matter how many times I ask him to stop invading my privacy.

    I dunno. But, I still think its too hard for me, and too early to tell him "I want to break up." Because a part of me does, and a part of me doesn't.

    I dunno...
  6. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    I understand. But know that the longer you're with him, the harder it will be to let him go. think about the part of you that wants to break up with him. It's your brain. The part that knows he's a jerk and that you deserve someone to respect you and make you feel good. But the part in all (or most) of us girls that craves to be in a man's arms wants you to stay with him. You're young and I assume that you have plenty of choice of who you want to be with. don't send the message to others (or yourself for that matter!) that you'll put up with being kicked around or you'll attract guys like that all your life. Be strong enough now to live happily without a guy. or at least with out a steady boyfriend. It's a good lesson to learn and I sure wish I was string enough back then to teach myself a little respect.
  7. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    strong enough not string enough.

    being stringy is never good
  8. Elle

    Elle Senior Member

    Perhaps you should hide your diary in a place where you know he won't find it. And why do you want to be with someone who doesn't respect your privacy? Just a thought.
  9. cutelildeadbear

    cutelildeadbear Hip Forums Gym Rat

    I too often wonder if people who keep diaries secrety want them to be read. I mean it is the typical passive aggressive approach to a problem that you do not want to confront.

    I keep a journal, but it is mostly of scattered thoughts that I have about the universe and things of that nature. Why we do the things that we do as such strange creatures. I wish for everyone to read my diary though, one day. Perhaps it will be published and everyone will remember me for my abstract thoughts. LOL. or just think I'm nuts like Emily Dickinson.
  10. acetonephish

    acetonephish lickage

    I did hide it. And he always found it, so I just gave up on hiding it and now i place it at the very top of my computer desk (there are like 3 shelves).
  11. RetroGroove_Grrl

    RetroGroove_Grrl I'm a big girl now

    Really if you dont understand that this guy is a waste of time, there is nothing anyone here can do for you
  12. urbangal

    urbangal Member

    Er...wrong. Ok this one directed at Michael:

    As a journal keeper what's in that book is my business, nobody elses. It is NOT from lack of love but wanting to put one's thoughts down on paper, sort of a doodle for the mind and fingers. Sometimes I re-read what I've put down to see what's changed, what hasn't. It doesn't mean I don't care about someone or anything, but it is private and MOST NORMAL men would leave your personal diary alone. Any guy who goes looking for something ultra private in your room needs to have his head examined because that's just asking to be kicked aside. :$

    Now acetonephish:

    What this tells me is that this guy is so insecure about himself he needs ammunition on you so he can pretend he "knows" you instead of just talking to you like a normal person would. He could even be doing it just to piss you off since it makes you notice him more. :rolleyes:

    Kick him to the curb or quit keeping a diary-either way you have to do something instead of just letting it keep happening. *raised eyebrow*

  13. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    no way is keeping a journal private wrong. Sometimes when I get really mad, I write things that I totally don't mean, but it feels good to say. If I said them outloud people would get pissed or think I'm crazy. I have strong human emotion that needs to be let out somehow and writing it down is the best thing to do. She's not keeping secrets and lies from him, she's keeping her most personal thoughts. She's also young so it's not like they're getting married and they should share everything with each other.

    You have to do something about this, girl. Or it's just gonna keep happening. You're going to write things that aren't true, and you know what? you're gonna start to beleive what you wrote and lose your identity. this goes farther than just some asshole not respecting your privacy. It has to do with respect for yourself and the ability to be real and honest and true.

    I hope you make a good decision.
  14. lyla

    lyla Member

    if he had to hunt for it, and you've already told him that you don't want him reading it, then he is being very obvious about going against what you have expressed as your needs. Don't waste time with someone who can't respect that. If he really wants to know what's in there, he should ask.
  15. superNova

    superNova Member

    this is one of those things you're going to look back on later in life and be like, "why did i EVER justify his behavior?" and be annoyed about all the time you wasted in such an insecure relationship. you can do better! :)
  16. Adgreyga

    Adgreyga Member

    i have a journal too n i kno id be really pissed if someone read it
    well lemme be honest, once my parents read it a few years ago (not so good, i think their scarred(jk)) n i let my close cousin go thru it when i was beside him (oh course he said it was boring, i didnt let him read the good stuff)

    but neway id be pissed if someone keep reading my journal like that when i siad no
    its clear hes pretty insecure about whats up between you 2, you should relook n see if hes just in feelings that you may keep secrets from him are you secretive? well if you are or not tell him how that makes you feel that he doesnt trust you

    also i think he may even want you to feel that he doesnt trust you cuz it was really a dummy-move to say what he said as soon as you came back into the room-that seems too obvious to be let out by accident....i feel that he almost wants to talk with you and get thru to you in some way, especially if he go 'caught' 3 times already
    hes being kinda passive about it i guess

    im inclined to think that theres something behind it hes beatin around the bush if this is the case and if you really still care for him n all, talk to him directly n uncover it - no pen included (unless he starts actin like an ass n ya need to stab him with it, lol :))

    hope i helped
  17. Orsino2

    Orsino2 Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    1. Dealing child pornography
    2. Attempted Murder
    3. Drugs
    4. Not respecting who you are
    5. Not respecting your personal space and needs
    6. Spying through your window when you and your mom are having a private conversation
    7. Poking his head in the room while you and your mom are having a private conversation
    8. Saying things like he could have sex (metaphor for rape) with you if you wanted... and I know that it would be hard for you to defend yourself
    9. Telling you what you can't or can't wear
    10. Saying that you have to obey his demands
    11. Saying he's going to break up with you if you don't meet his demands
    12. Telling you that you shouldn't talk to me
    13. Calling me a prick last night while you were on the phone
    14. Calling my House
    15. Calling my house after hanging up on him
    16. Calling my house after hanging up on him again
    17. Refer to number sixteen
    18. Making me have to keep the phone of the hook
    19. Saying that I "don't give two shits about you" when he has only talked to me for a combined time of about 15 minutes, in his entire life
    20. For being a complete dumbass when it comes to normal things like infections and saying that he's not going to "marry you someday if you don't give him children"
    21. For making you so hard to talk to
    22. For making you think that he's watching you in the shower, that he is the oven in your kitchen...
    23. For making you call your dad to chase him away when you needed to take a shower and he wouldn't leave
    24. For picking the lock on your bathroom door when you were in there taking a shower
    25. For taking away your life
    26. For trying to force you to act like you like his friends
    27. Everything else... I could name a bunch of little things and go on forever...

    Shelly, I've known you longer than he has and I've been there to listen and talk to you. You were a much happier person before you met him. I don't know Nick. But he has done enough by IMing me and not telling me who he was and getting me to talk to him and telll me who he was, afterwards (actually, you're the one who told me it was him), and also calling my house and informing me that I am a "punkass bitch" or whatever...

    Heeeeeeeee isssssssssss a fuckkkkkkkkingggggg psyyyychoooooopathhhhhh... and I know you know that, but you're finding it hard to let go and get him off your back... so you're kind of cornered, and nobody on here understands that... well, except for me, but... I seriously think he needs to give you a break, sometimes. Well, moreso than that.

    Oh yeah... I forgot about him stealing the jewelry and all... then you threw it in the creek and left his watch on a branch in the park... then he bitched at you for throwing it away...

    Well, whatever you decide... I stayed up a bit later than usual tonight, watching my messengers just in case something happened and he tried to get in there. Of course, I couldn't do anything, really, but all I have is your phone number and I have the police's number for down there (got it a couple hours ago, just thinking)... but it's turning me paranoid as well...
  18. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    child pornography and attempted murder?

    looks like you have a hell of a lot more to worry about than a diary!
  19. acetonephish

    acetonephish lickage

    Hahaha, yeah, its kind of odd for me to get pissed at him for my diary but not be wary of him because of all the other shit hes done (George, i think you forgot that he drank human blood, and drinks while driving).

    Bleh. I just dont want to believe that he did all those things. You also forgot that he picked up a hooker only to make her get fully naked in his car then kick her out while she was naked.

    Errr... ugh.

    This is probably the worst guy I've ever dated. And I thought it couldn't get worse than jack.

    Oh, and george. Last night since your computer crashed, I had vince watch me on webcam while i slept and had it kinda pointed towards the window too so just incase nick came by in his psycho mood, he could i dunno... call somebody.
    Friggen scaring the shit out of me though. I thought the air conditioning was him... but you already knew that :p

    And I guess everyone else is wondering what the hell I'm talking about, so yay. I get to type it all out again. :D

    My boyfriend suspects that I'm going to break up with him, so now hes starting to turn very nuts. On sunday night when he was over here, I really didn't feel like talking to him as he was getting on my nerves, so I decided to leave my room, let him watch tv, and talk to my mom in her bedroom. While I was in there talking to her, I heard him continue to walk back and forth infront of her bedroom door, and the periodically every ten minutes or so he would just like... open the door slowly, stick his head inside, and look at me for about 5-10 seconds, and leave without even saying anything. So, finally he stopped, I thought "good. finally" and started talking to my mom again. But after about 5 minutes or so I looked out the window (it was like 9:30 pm i believe) and I saw him staring in through the window and watching me. So i told him to go away, and he did, but then again about 5 minutes later i looked out the window again, and he was watching me again, and i told him to go away, and yeah... but i forgot what exactly happened then. He went away for a second, and started looking again or something like that...

    Anyway. Then i decided that I wanted to get away from him, so i took a walk around the block, read my book for a little bit in the car, and then I came back inside. Somehow he mentioned somewhere in our conversation that he had "jacked off" in my room while i was gone. and yeah...
    Then he left, yay. And on monday night i thought he wasnt coming over, but dammnit i was wrong. So, i decided that id take a shower to get away from him. Theres a window like "in" our shower or w/e, and it was at night and i kept expecting to see nick watch me while i took a shower, but his head never like popped up, but i was getting really paranoid and i kept thinking that he was going to watch me while i took a shower. Then i kept thinking he was going to come into the bathroom, so i had to keep my shower curtain opened half way so i could watch the door. And after awhile i was done taking a shower, but i decided to keep the water running to make it seem like i was still taking one so i wouldnt have to spend as much time with him. And so i tried reading a magazine, but no, so i tried painting my nails, but meh. And thats when he started banging on the door. It had only been 35 minutes, and i know some of my friends take showers for like an hour or so. And he yelled at me and asked me what i was doing, and i told him i was taking a shower, blah blah blah. He told me he wanted me to get out, cuz he only had 3 hours left to see me (3 hours is a lot in my opinion....), so I told him id be out soon. But after a minute that i told him that, he started to picklock the damn door, so I had to hold the lock so he wouldnt get in...
    Theeeeeeeen, on monday night when i was talking to him on the phone, he said that I HAD made him paranoid, and that he was going nutso cuz he thought i was going to break up with him, so he told me that he was going to sneak out monday night at like 12 am, just to stare at me through my window while i slept.

    And non stalker related. I told him that i refuse to sleep with him anymore and he finally dealt with it after contemplating breaking up with me over that, and so he said "well, we're doing it valentines day at least" and i told him that no, we're not.
    And he told me that yes, we were, but I told him that its my god damn body and i'll do whatever i want with it and that he cant force me to do something i dont want to do.
    so he told me that i should at least do it on valentines day yet again, but i again told him no, and he said something along the lines of
    "i cant believe youre being so inconsiderate of my feelings"
    So i hung up on him, and he called back about 5 times in a row before my dad finally disconnected the phone. Then I remembered that he told me he gets really angry and violent when people hang up on him, and breaks a bunch of crap and throws the phone against the wall and shit, and I also remembered that he wanted to sneak over before just to stare at me through my window, so I got really scared and paranoid and kept thinking he was going to come over, so i left my webcam on and had one of my online buddys whose an insomniac, watch me the whole night.

    Prior to his phone call, when i was taking a shower i was scared hed show up and that id see him staring at me through the bathroom window, so I had to get out halfway through it, with the conditioner still in my hair, but finally i went back in, except i had to keep the shower curtain half open. Then later on I was eating, and went to put the food back in the fridge, and i thought the oven was him. I thought my dog breathing was nick breathing. I thought the airconditioner turning on was him walking. I thought my chair was moving by itself at one point, and that somehow nick was doing it.

    Ahhh, yes. And while I was talking to george online, nick called and he told me to stop talking to george, and i told him that i wasnt going to cuz i have a right to talk to him, but he got all pissy so I told him fine, and pretended to log off but didnt. And I kept my webcam running....
    And somehow nick came up with the idea that george is prick, and an asshole...

    And tomorrow I'm supposed to see nick.

  20. Kilgore Trout

    Kilgore Trout Senior Member

    That's fucked up!
    Time to call the police.

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