I have a slight relationship problem, A few years ago I met this lovely guy (I shall call him Elvis) and we were 'in cahoots' for quite a while. We get on like a house on fire and he's rather delicious! We never started a proper relationship as our lives are completely different, there are 6 years and 200 miles. Since being at uni we lost touch a little bit, and didnt see each other for a year and a half, and during this year and a half I started a lovely relationship with my present boyfriend. (Who I will have been with for about a year this xmas and I shall call... oo.. Clint.) Anyway, last weekend I went to visit Elvis, as we had talked about it for a while and figured we were ready to see each other as friends. Elvis knows all about my boyfriend. And I know for a fact that he doesn't want to mess things up, he's not like that. We had an awesome weekend and it was all lovely, but then at the end, I ended up slightly drunk and in his bed kissing him. (And I know that I would have gone further if it wasn't for a well timed period) It felt so nice to be back there with him, we just seem to fit. But at the same time I felt terrible! I'm suppost to love Clint! I do love Clint, I know I do, but then I'm thinking 'how can i if i did that?' I think because me and Elvis are so different, and it takes weeks of planning and hours of travel for us to meet up, I think that we practically live in different dimensions. He is kinda mythical! Elvis and Clint do not live in the same world. Now.. I am back where I was a few years ago, Elvis is amazing, and I totally would, but the situation has got even harder because I'm in a relationship already! Elvis once said that he wants me to get on with my life and when we are both in a different place.. a closer place maybe.. maybe something could happen. But by then I could be ridiculasly in love with Clint! I do not want to break up with Clint, I would be lost without him. I do not want to tell him. To be fair I know I could live with it. Can I just have two men in my life please? That would be nice ^^ Thank you for reading, I feel kinda like I have let a lot off here! I'm not a terrible person, honest! I'm confused. Am I stuck in the past or something xx
do you feel that if you kept in touch with elvis that, it would stay platonic, or would you need to have a sexual relationship with him. if its going to be just friendship then i see no need to tell clint, if its more then there may be tough decisions ahead.
thats the thing, I never want to loose Elvis as a friend, but I don't know if I could see him as just that! Oh what to dooo! (I'm getting used to thinking of them as Elvis and Clint now.. teehee..)
that would get quite a reaction if you shouted out the names during the throes of passion lmao i dont think your stuck in the past at all, what does elvis expect from this, is he concerned that you are in a relationship with clint ?- do you think he would expect you to end things with clint ?
Elvis - He was a bit upset when I first told him about the 'new man' but then he was ok with it, saying something along the lines of 'we're young and miles apart and are gonna get on with our lives, and if that's what yours involves.. then go for it!' He doesn't expect me to end things with Clint, he said yes2day that he doesn't want to mess things up for me.. damn his niceness.. and even if i did break it off with Clint, at the moment, I doubt the relationship between me and Elvis would change much, its an expensive train!! hehe (Thank you for replying by the way Tribfan) xx
i always believe that its good to talk + another perspective or someone raising certain points can help you with other ways of looking at things- ultimately helping you reach a decision. tell me if im asking too many questions, but im trying to help you work thru this. what was the spur in your mind that thought.... ok im gonna go meet up with him ? did you need to find out if there was anything left between you ?
I like people asking me question, cos it's usually me that asks them! So don't worry! I met up with him because I know that we get on well.. and that it would be non-stop fun! I knew that it was a bit risky, because he might try and hit on me, (and he did a few times and I told him he was asking for a kick in the balls a few times) but it did not cross my mind that I would actually give in! I knew there was always gonna be some kind of tension, but I thought that we could laugh about it like we do, and that I would be ok with that .. eepp!
seems the options are... >break off with clint and start something with elvis >stay with clint and occasionally see elvis (fk buddy lol ) >stay with clint and stops seeing elvis depends what your conscience will allow, to you, does the thrill of meeting up with elvis is worth possibly losing clint, or does the fact that he is so far away make the possibility of being caught neglible ?, would you be comfortable with potentially hiding something from clint ? does a side of you think that you have to do this with elvis, you have to know for sure if there could be anything between you again ?
oh gosh there is alot to think about! I guess I will just have to see where I end up.. at the moment.. all there was was a kiss and some naughty thoughts.. and thats not toooo bad.. :S At the moment the middle option is seeming the fun-ist! As I really don't want to do the other two!! But I don't like the whole fuckbuddy phrase.. so i might try re-vamping the morman religion or something! (It was mormans that could once take more than one wife wasn't it? Well.. I'm gonna give the womens a turn! hehe) xx
If I was Clint and I found out that you were in Elvis bed I would have to drop you off at his front door and call it done. I can understand your temptation, I'm just saying be careful. By the way, I looked at your profile and you're a fine ass woman, this will not be the last time you find yourself in this situation so now is good time to figure out how you want to handle it.
i suppose it all comes down to how strong your feeling are for clint, do you see a long term future together ? obviously the thing with elvis has an exciting edge to it, but with him being so far away, arent you eventually going to run out of excuses for your abscence ?
mothman.. thank you for the compliment *blushes* and I understand what you mean too.. Tribfan.. I'm gonna sleep on this one and be back in the morro! Thank you both x
Well.. Clint has pissed me off today with being drunk and childish.. and Elvis has offered me a trip to see an exhibition I've been wanting to see for ages! Dammit.. I'm just a girl who can't resist being spoilt! I'm edging in the wrong direction!
I don't think the thing with Elvis can work. Do you honestly see it changing if you are exculsive with Elvis? Will you move for him, will he move for you? I think you really need to think what is best for you and whats best in their case. I wish you luck with your decision, its going to be a hard one. Tiffany
At this point, after reading all these responses in just two days, I can't give any advice better than what has already been said. You have a dilemma (I'm a regular Sherlock Holmes at times, heh?) It is a very personal dilemma, with you as the central character and two peripheral characters. Could Clint handle you occasionally going off to have fun with your buddy? (Fuck Buddy works for me - paramore might be more to feminine sensitivity). An ideal situation would be for you to enjoy both your steady Clint and your occasional Elvis and there is no real reason for monogamy except as some artificial social construct that goes against the nature of our species. My wife on a couple of occasions told me to go see the other woman and get it out of my system. Some wives don't mind their ol man sleeping with another as long as it doesn't affect the relationship. "Don't bring anything home - no children and no diseases" was what she told me. I never actually paired with a woman for the two decades I was married but did entertain the thought. (Men were a different story and my wife knew going in that I was bi) However, it would be more rare to find a guy with that attitude. Altho I was sleeping with a girl once whose ol' man was away. He came back and was pissed at her but didn't blame me. I quit sleeping with his ol' lady just 'cause I liked the guy and we were like brothers after that. But, that was in the commune/Hippie days. So, no advice. You already had your three choices laid out for ya - and you knew them already. It would be nice for you if Clint were cool with you getting a little variety because I really can see you loving two different ppl. BTW, you don't think Clint has grazed another pasture? Hope you figure it out and have fun with it.
I can see what you mean Tiffany, I think that at the moment I shall just go with the flow, see what happens. I am only 20 and i don't plan on making any life changing decisions at the moment. If it's fun I will go for it I guess! I don't want to make Clint sad, but I don't want our relationship to make me sad or stop me from doing things I want to do either! Shale - I know for a fact that Clint is very anti-sharing! He has always been very traditional and pretty much has a very constructed copy of the laws of dating in his mind. Quoting you: 'there is no real reason for monogamy except as some artificial social construct that goes against the nature of our species.' Well said! I can't be going against nature now can I? Oh I wish it was the 60s.. then life would be so much easier! Thank you guys, you've all helped (believe it or not!) even if just to help me see what really is going on in my head! Much love x
yeah I'm with Shale on this one, Hazzie... you're probably just moving into a new phase of how you approach love and sex. it's a phase that I think a lot of people are beginning to look at. the old modality of one person forever is kind of unrealistic and very limiting for everybody, imo. even if you really are monogamous it's been said already, you're young and beautiful and a scorpio to boot... you've got sex oozing out of your pores. enjoy it. and of course just listen to your heart and do what feels right... have a little fun. life's way too short to get caught in snares of shoulds. Just be honest and have some fun and life will end up making sense. That's my take anyway.
Hello again Well.. I saw Elvis over the weekend and it was really nice.. and I don't feel bad about it.. I am just going with whatever happens! I feel like I'm being a bit selfish - as I am doing what I feel happy with and what I find the most fun in .. and just hoping that Clint doesn't find out. Being with Elvis had made me realise how good Clint is to me, he is reliable and always there! (Unlike Elvis) I am just monogamously challenged! hehe x
i dont blame you hun, im glad you enjoyed it. nothing wrong with having a little fun while your young.
