So, I find myself in a super awkward situation. My bf lives 400 miles away at the moment and one of his best friends is a super nice guy (we'll call him Joe). I also have a friend back home I've had since I was born (I'll call her Jamie). We grew up together. Well, her little sister(I'll call her Kay) , I also grew up with but we never really hung out. More recently Kay has joined Jamie and I in hanging out. I heard that Kay and her baby's daddy separated so I was like, hey! You'd really like Joe. So Joe adds her on facebook and they start talking. All is great and awesome. Jamie and I finally get time together and she tells me some interesting information. Kay and her babies daddy never separated. She's cheated on him several times and she simply loves attention. This week we all made a trip up there to visit my bf. I decided to keep my nose out of it and let them make their decisions and trust that they will handle it like mature adults. Nothing was said or done. It was as though Kay was single. Of course by the end of the trip, Joe is crazy about Kay and Kay is talking about how much she likes him. All the while, nothing is said to me about her bf back home. Last night, we get back home and Kay's bf comes around and helps with the baby. Nothing mushy is said..no holding hands, but he is there and helping Kay out. At one point I notice that she almost refers to him as her bf, but catches herself. Now I've caught on that it must be that I'm not supposed to know that she has a bf. Today, while talking to my bf he tells me that apparently Joe and Kay are now together. WTF. So what should I do? I have no idea. They're both my friends but I don't know either of them THAT well. Not enough to confront Kay and be like I would with a friend I'm closer to where I can ask her what the hell she's doing, nor am I close enough to Joe to tell him what's up so he knows. Even if I did what would happen? He would confront Kay and she would deny it. Then drama. That's it. And my bf doesn't know enough to say anything. He met Kay last week when we came to visit. The ENTIRE situation is childish. I know this. But I also feel like since I have some of this information that I should say something. That's what a real friend would do. But where do I draw the line in sticking my nose where it doesn't belong? I have NO idea. On TOP of all this, Kay's baby's daddy is loosing his mother. Once she dies, Kay and their baby is literally all he has left. And he's 20. Poor guys. I have no idea what to do. Women are cruel bitches.
You should have told Joe as soon as you found out. You set him up. You are completely responsible for his position. It would be a horrible thing not to tell him.
I agree with Duck in most aspects-other than you set them up. Introducing people to each other is NOT saying 'Get in there!". As adults all they had to do was ask/be honest. However-seeing as your b/f will be in the middle-maybe tell him to have a whisper in Joe's ear regarding making sure all is as it seems. better disappointment now than heartbreak later.
Why wouldn't you just ask Kay? You are right that a lot of this is childish.... but as to who is being the child... who knows... There is only going to be drama if you continue on the way you are. If she says they are seperated, then the problem is Jamie, not her sister... If she says they aren't, then simply tell her that you will be talking to joe later, to give her the chance to fix it herself. Then talk to joe later and bring it up.
to be fair. I did. I told him then within a few days she told him that they had broken up when apparently they really hadn't.
I'm confused then, what did you mean by this? "nor am I close enough to Joe to tell him what's up so he knows." If you told him that they never separated, and that she's cheated on him before - your hands are now clean and you should stay out of it. I know it's an awkward position, but worlds crash together in odd ways sometimes.
Ok well it sounds like kay & babydaddy's relationship is cool at best if they were not affectionate. They might be seeing other people. My friend accidentally calls her ex-husband 'baby' sometimes out of habit so the slip-of-the-tongue might not mean anything. ChronicTom's advice seems pretty sound to me. I'd add that you could try asking babydaddy about his relationship with kay too. He has less motive to lie to you. If it were ME, I'd just tell Joe that I'm not sure if it's true, but I heard Kay is still with babydaddy. Not sure I'd mention the cheating part b/c it's more of a rumor.
Tell your boyfriend and figure out what to do together. Joe is his friend so maybe it would be best if he said something to Joe about it.
Alright, thank you all for your advice. I'd been talking it over with my boyfriend and we both came to the conclusion that something has to be done if we've got all this information. So I just asked Kay straight out, like you all suggested. She said "Not really" and they decided to take a break about 2 weeks before the trip and they aren't together "that she knows of" :/ So I talked to Jamie about it. And SHE asked her. She told her that they ARE still together because she can't bare to leave him right now because she and their son is all he has left. She doesn' t want to hurt Joe because she really relally lkikes him. She just doesn't know what to do and she's in a terrible situation. -_- Keeping my mouth shut about that....I have a lot that I'd like to tell her. But I won't. In the meantime....the baby's daddy lost his mother. Both his parents are now gone and he's 19. I just talked to my bf who decided it was time to talk to Joe. Joe called both me and Jamie to get whatever information he could about it. In the end I'm super proud of Joe. He's hurt but he text her and told her that the baby's daddy needs both her and the baby right now. He's handling it well, but he'll probably lapse into a depression . I'm sad for him but I'm glad he found out now and not later. Thanks for all your advice guys. This whole thing was just a whole bunch of fucked up.
Alright, thank you all for your advice. I'd been talking it over with my boyfriend and we both came to the conclusion that something has to be done if we've got all this information. So I just asked Kay straight out, like you all suggested. She said "Not really" and they decided to take a break about 2 weeks before the trip and they aren't together "that she knows of" :/ So I talked to Jamie about it. And SHE asked her. She told her that they ARE still together because she can't bare to leave him right now because she and their son is all he has left. She doesn' t want to hurt Joe because she really relally lkikes him. She just doesn't know what to do and she's in a terrible situation. -_- Keeping my mouth shut about that....I have a lot that I'd like to tell her. But I won't. In the meantime....the baby's daddy lost his mother. Both his parents are now gone and he's 19. I just talked to my bf who decided it was time to talk to Joe. Joe called both me and Jamie to get whatever information he could about it. In the end I'm super proud of Joe. He's hurt but he text her and told her that the baby's daddy needs both her and the baby right now. He's handling it well, but he'll probably lapse into a depression . I'm sad for him but I'm glad he found out now and not later. Thanks for all your advice guys. This whole thing was just a whole bunch of fucked up.
Why wouldn't you tell her? People have got to get over this idea of you can't say something unless it's 'nice' or cheerful or whatever... The worst thing that parents teach their kids, is "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" It's bullshit... 100% pure bullshit. If you see something that is wrong, you don't ignore it... You say, Hey, that's wrong. If you think you know something that can help someone, tell them... If they choose to ignore it or follow it is irrelevant... you NOT telling them makes sure that they won't make the best decision they could, because they don't have all the facts. If she does the worst thing you could imagine her doing from all of this, what are you going to do then? Get mad at her for doing it? You had the power to possibly stop it with a few words... If you tell her, and she gets bitchy and pissy about you telling her, that is HER problem, not yours... it is only your problem when you see something you think is wrong, and you sit back and do nothing. There is also the whole issue of you not saying it is causing you stress, as shown in your posts.... and the only way to get rid of that stress in a positive way, is to deal with it, by talking to her.
Quick note: If the infant's grand mother recently died, it would be wise of your friend to see if the kid gets any of g.ma's money. Yeah, I know that its really off from the direction of the thread, but the kid is the only one in this story that needs to be cared for.
