Trying new things with the wife

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by HDjs31, Jun 24, 2013.

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  1. HDjs31

    HDjs31 Guest

    My wife and I are both 31. Married mid 20s. I'm ready to try some new things the bedroom. We have a great sex life but I think we need to try new things. Recently I began using dildos on her which is fun. I'm thinking bringing in a friend or maybe watching her with another guy. How should i approach her about this. She is very shy when it comes to such things
     
  2. JessieK0311

    JessieK0311 Guest

    Hi there! I actually recently went through all this with my husband. I am 26, and he is 33. We've been together 8 years and have two kids together. We've slowly tried to spice things up over the past year with toys, dirty talk and what not. We actually just had our first MaleFemaleFemale threesome, and our first MaleFemaleMale threesome. Let me tell you, it was not very easy to convince me to be this crazy in the bedroom but it honestly made me realize that I was kind of freaking out for nothing. I would definitely speak to her first, during bedroom fun and during regular time you have with her. That's what my husband did. It started out as dirty talk about how he would love to see what my expression is when another man is pleasuring me. I felt weird at first but it was kind of exciting. After a while, he would talk to me about it when we were just relaxing or watching tv and he would tell me that it is a real fantasy of his. The best thing to do is to talk about it first before you bring anyone in the bedroom. What are her fantasies? Expectations? Fears? What really helped me was that my husband told me his fears as well. When I realized that a lot of the things I feared were the same as his, it really helped me calm down. Realize that she may think you a crazy at first. It may take a while to get her comfortable at the though. But know that she may never want to actually do it and that is something you need to respect. Communication is the key. And trust me, from my own experience...we had a breakdown of this and I was very hurt. I had another member tell me that no matter what, your relationship with your spouse comes first before any of this "lifestyle". Be honest :)
     
  3. Just_a_woman

    Just_a_woman Member

    You can always ask if she's ever curious to know how it'd be to have sex with other men.

    I've asked my husband if he was curious about having sex with other women. He is introvert and shy, very shy. He didn't admit, but didn't deny. It happened a long time ago. We talked some more and I told him that I knew for sure I was 100% comfortable with the idea, and that if he wanted to flirt and have sex with other women, I was OK with it.

    I told him I understood he's shy and that he was under no obligation to tell me about it. He could just do his thing and try it and not tell me, if he was uncomfortable about it. I also told him I wouldn't do the same, unless he agreed with that and told me so. And that if he'd tell me it was OK for me to do it, he could change his mind at any point and I'd stop.

    If you have a shy partner, let them be and don't impose your presence when it happens. Eventually, if they're comfortable with it, you'll participate.

    I don't know your wife. It can be what I'm saying doesn't apply to her at all. I'm just sharing my humble experience.
     
  4. nz male

    nz male Senior Member

    After 20 odd years of marriage, I bought some sex toys to use on my wife just for extra spice - it was getting to be a bit too boring just having sex with her when I wanted to & I wanted to add some extra enjoyment either for me or her into our sex life.
    Some toys are beneficial sexually & others just make it a bit more interesting how they can be used differently. Some sex toys can be used on other parts of the body that when buying them, you get more uses for your money to. Some of the sex toys I bought were not to my wife's likings & some were then used by me on my self instead - when she was not home & still are getting used by me.
    I like some of these toys that are made for either males / females use.
     
  5. AustAl

    AustAl Guest

    You could try having sex whilst watching porn, but make sure it is a 3some porn scene. Then in the heat of the moment between you as you are watching, you could gently suggest that you would be incredibly turned on if she were in the middle of it. Say you would love to watch her being f***ed. Or words to that effect. See what her reaction is and go from there. But you must, must, must take it slowly at her pace. If she ever gets cold feet and doesn't want to do it, she never will do it. Just don't rush into it. You have many years of sex ahead of you, so don't kill off the potential swinging or swapping due to your haste!
     
  6. drumminmama

    drumminmama Super Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

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