Trouble Keeping it up

This has been a recent issue in my life and i’m looking for honestly anything that can help. It is literally consuming my life and I’m not sure where else to turn. Please read the whole thing, i feel that some backstory is required.... because honestly I have no clue what is the problem. Please refrain from stupid comments, I am really looking for anyone that can help me or possibly someone who can I can regularly chat to. I have nothing else.

Recently I turned 18, and Late september of this year I broke up with my girlfriend of just shy of a year. relationship was okay, we had a lot of sex and she regularly told me that she was very satisfied. I broke up with her for arranging to cheat on me, to this day i’m not sure why.

Fast forward to Beginning of November, i meet a girl at a local college and we hit it of very well. she’s very attractive, a definite upgrade from my previous relationship. I was very high at the time, (I occasionally smoke probably once a month if that, usually only during breaks during the school year) we proceeded to her dorm and got going. foreplay for probably a half an hour, i wasn’t keeping track. when it was time to have sex i didn’t have a boner which was extremely offputting. however she was very understanding and we assumed it was because I was extremely fucked up.

We hung out in between then and now, some foreplay here and there when we were alone but never leading to sex because we didn’t want to worry about her roommate returning (bad timing)

ultimately leading to tonight. a wednesday night, similar to the first time. However mind you i am stone cold sober, haven’t done any drugs or drank in probably 2 weeks. Foreplay for about 45 minutes, noticed i was having trouble getting a full erection. however we did have sex for about 10 minutes until i couldn’t keep it up and ultimately we had to stop. again she was very understanding and we ended up talking about some of what i’m about to say now, and you can guess what we didn’t talk about.

I’m a varsity wrestler in school, practice everyday but sundays for about 2 hours. Started about a week ago. in fairly good shape

I drink and smoke pot occasionally, drink on the weekends (not getting drunk but just a social drinking mostly)

I have a lot of stress that i try to manage/put off. i work roughly 20-30 hours a week to make ends meet, i don’t live with my parents, very bad situation with that. typically i’ve never had good relationships with family or friends, i have a very close small group of friends though Living with other family, however i work that much while wrestling and soon matches and meets and it’s stressful lining the two schedules up along with other school work (honors, engineering classes, etc) along with making time to see my friends, this new girl and working on my farm.

recently in a car crash. whiplash and almost a concussion.

then......there’s this. I’ve gone through a lot of phases with masturbation, going from around 15years old starting. went from several times a month, to every day, at one point multiple times a day (yeah, i know). recently it’s been maybe 2-3 times a week but more or so less the past month. in the past with my ex i regularly outlasted her (i’m fairly good at getting a girl off, or atleast my ex. I knew how my body reacted and used that to my advantage.) also to note i’m roughly average.

I honestly have no clue why i can’t get a full erection or maintain one when im about to have sex. When i masturbate i don’t have an issue. she’s extremely attractive and she’s really amazing and i’m lucky that she understands what i’m going through and accepts me for who i am and not this situation, but it is extremely ehmbarrasing and it’s consuming my every thought now. Any advice anyone can offer or solutions i would greatly appreciate. if anyone is willing to regularly help with my issue i would certainly return the favor. thanks in advance.

 

If you have no problem getting an erection when masturbating, then it's probably something psychological.

Are you sure you really feel attracted to her, rather than feeling that just ought to be attracted to her? That could be one source of the problem.

Maybe see a doctor and see if you can try an erectile dysfunction drug

 

I’m really hesitant to go to a doctor. I’m only 18 and it’s never been an issue before, and like i said with me ex it was never an issue and we would regularly go for a while. I don’t know if it would be better to go to a therapist (unrelated to this issue) to try to relieve some stress/anxiety? I agree it might be physiological but if it is what would be the best way to fix that? thankyou for your feedback

 

Yeah it definitely sounds like it's all in your head when it happens once as you said it's all you can think about. Then when you go to have sex you probably start to get nervous/worry about not being able to get it up. Which in turn is going to cause you to not be able to get it up. The pot probably has nothing to do with it, I regularly smoke weed before sex. It definitely sounds psychological. Also would you consider her to be the most attractive girl you've ever been with? If so you might have been nervous about that the first time and then when you couldn't get hard now you are having anxiety about that. Nerves and anxiety can definitely affect sexual performance. My advice is try not to think about it too much, which I know can be hard but the fact that she's so understanding is helpful. Next time just try to relax and enjoy the moment and if you can't don't worry about it, it seems like she understands. Keep trying you'll get it back

 

It's not a big deal. All you have to do is make an appointment, get a prescription

The pill itself may help, but also psychologically, having it may help you.

You could spend years in therapy and not necessarily be any better off than you are now. I'm not saying don't do it, but it may not be the best approach. You'd have to invest a lot of time and money (unless you've got insurance that covers it).

Still, it could be the fact that your last gf planned to cheat on you that is creating the problem, so possibly therapy could help. You can actually get quite a bit of benefit on your own just reading about CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy).

Meditating might help you to lower your stress. Just not doing as much stuff as you are now, if possible, might help too. 20-30 hours of work, plus school, plus varsity sports, plus a relationship is a lot of time commitment.

If you can take any performance pressure off of yourself, that may help a lot. Generally, if you're with a girl that you're attracted to, and you're enjoying the experience of being with her, the hard-ons will come by themselves

If you're into the idea of eating her pussy, and she's into the idea of your eating her pussy, then eat her pussy. After a while you can get to the fucking part.

Acupuncture might help you generally, and with anything related to the whiplash. It can be expensive, but there are some lower cost sources. I can say more about this if you'd like.

You might want to try acupuncture for the whiplash

 

Yeah i would consider her the best looking girl i’ve been with, i did get somewhat nervous about that and the fact that she’s a little older than me i had worries but thankyou for the advice, it’s gonna be a while till i see her again since she’s visiting home but a little time might be a good thing, but i’ll try to not worry and update how it goes. thankyou for the help man

 

Yeah I think it's a mental thing so just try to relax and yeah like newbie-one said if you can't get it up right away just ask her if you can eat her pussy and make her cum to make up for it. And yeah just try to relax and enjoy it a really hot girl wants to fuck you so just be excited

 

Yeah that's awesome that she's so understanding about it, you found a good one bro, just try not to overthink it . It's happened to me before trust me you'll get back to raging hard ons once you stop thinking about it and worrying about it.

 

i'm sad that you're post is so long. It makes me feel like maybe you're not in a good place about whatever is going on with your body.

I hope that you work it out. I'm guessing that if you put your mind to it you'll be able to get past whatever difficulties you're finding. Good luck. may the force be with you!

 

Acupuncture can be expensive.

You may want to try searching for acupuncture schools in your area. If there is one, they almost certainly have a teaching clinic. Teaching clinics are usually at least cheap, and often free.

Community clinics are another option. The quality of care is generally lesser than in teaching clinics, imho. Treatments are usually about $20

www.POCAcoop.net has a list of poca-affiliated clinics in the US and Canada. There are also some community clinics that are not listed by POCA

 

[QUOTE="Jerkaddict, post: 8353739, member: 305247

that’s good to hear man thankyou again. It’s just my mind was racing cause i kept thinking it could be like a million things lol but this has eased my mind a tad bit

 

[QUOTE="soulcompromise, post: 8353747,]
i’m generally an over thinker. i worry about stupid shit and just bottle up my problems and everything, honestly a lot of stuff built up and the last encounter with the girl kinda set me spiraling, I arranged to meet with my old therapist tomorrow to talk twice a week hopefully and i am going to physical therapy on saturday. hopefully between that and taking of this weekend i can clear my head... thankyou all again and i’ll keep you updated on the next time i’m with her.

 

UPDATE: 2 days ago I visited her, went out to eat and layed down for a while and got a hard on just from that

Last night I smoked and got extremely horny and needless to say We fucked with no issues, i’ll be here all day today and tonight again but i won’t be getting fucked up. I think y’all were right it was in my head. I talked to this girl about some things and we are gettting pretty serious i guess, also took a few days off of practice and went to chiro twice now. thanks again y’all

 

UPDATE 2: Weekend was good, no issues 3 times. if anything now I easily get excited and shit i wouldn’t get a boner from before now i do I cant win, but i think this is better lmao. thanks y’all

 

Glad to hear it all worked out!

 

If you dont have a fork. Learn to eat with your fingers..

 

I'm late 60's so yes I have problem. Never had real problem until prostate exam, dr. prescribed med. for it. But now he said he could give me Viagra, I fear side effects, so no thanks. Damn they have pill for everything.