Transgender curiousity...

I've been coming to terms with the idea that I am transgendered; I never really got to explore the concept until recently. I first felt, well, akward as a boy, when I was 7. Ten years later, and I do believe that my childhood feelings were sincere.

I'm considering seeing some kind of counsler or something; but I want to take female hormones and experience the feminine spectrum of emotions on a small scale before I decide whether I'm truly a transgender, or have a very strong feminine side.

Can anybody give me advice as to whether I should see a counsler first, or determine my true feelings on the matter and then go from there? I'm not too sure how to proceed... Thank you.

 

I would strongly encourage you to see a counselor. It certainly sounds like you are transgendered, but I don't feel competent enough to tell you that for sure. I would recommend that you choose a counselor carefully. Find a GLBT group in your area that can give you a referral. There may also be groups or organizations for trans people near you. I don't know if you have met any trans people, but meeting them and talking them certainly couldn't hurt.

You might not be able to get female hormones without seeing a counselor, a doctor or both.

The fact that you are 17 years old will probably be an issue. I can't imagine a doctor will give you female hormones without permission from your parent(s) or your legal guardian(s). Money may also be an issue, regardless of your age. I suspect that all of this will be easier when you are 18.

 

Although it is possible to get the hormones from the internet I would strongly suggest that you go through the normal channels & do it right. Many of the hormones that are used have some heavy duty risks involved when you are taking the right dosage. The incorect dosage increases the risks exponentially. That is just the medical aspect of it. The psychological aspect is an entirely different thing.

When I started my transition I decided that I was going to do it without therapy. Dumb idea! Even though I have gone through a hell of a lot of things in my life without consoling this one has sent me into counsoling. I am not able to deal with all the emotions involved on my own through the usual methods I have always used, meditation, relaxation, research, assimilation of the subject knowledge in general, some amount of common sense, using newsgroups as group therapy, writing poetry about it, talking with trusted friends. All of thes helped but I am seeking a therapist.

I would say that @ 17 I'm pretty sure that you are going to have to get your parents permission or mor specifically the doctors will have to to treat you. I think that is the universal law accross the USA. Of course that you are in the USA when you are 18 you are considered an adult & can do this without them. That is only up to 12 months away, I suspect less. I would suggest talking to them anyhow. You are going to need support from any place you can get it. This isn't an easy thing. I think that in some ways you are lucky though in figuring this out at your age. The transition is likely to be easier physically than if you have lived in an adult male's body for decades. You also haven't made attachments like wife & kids. That is a big one for so many of us old coots that are finally getting it together to do this.

I'm not trying to discourage you I just want anyone who is starting this path to know what is in store.

I think we have talked about support groups before. If I'm wrong, forgive me. I have come to the conclusion that they are a good thing. You get to meet others who are on this same path. That is a pretty valuable thing. I just made the first step to get into one of them myself last weekend. I think it is a good idea to look one up.

Here are some links that may help you. Maybe you have already checked them out, if you do a google search on transgender you get a lot of things. There is some crap out there but the good ones are also listed. Transgender Soul Rennesance Transgender Colorado resource pagetransgendercare links to youth

 

I'm only 5 months away from 18, which is why I'm trying to figure this out now. I was afraid to explore the female role before, and I'm still uncomfortable around people when I am crossdressed; but its more of a "What would they think?" thing. I want to come to terms with the fact that I'm transgendered, but I feel that it might just be that I have a really strong feminine side, like I said before.

As far as groups... I only know of one; at my local high school. But the group is labeled GLB, no transgender discussion has been added. I'm just afraid of coming out about these feelings when I'm not totally sure that they are real. That's why I need to get in touch with a counselor of some sort, I just feel that I might be misinterpretating the things I feel when I feel that akwardness. I mean, it could have been the sole cause of my depression a few years ago.

Anywho, thank you for your input; I might try non-prescription hormones (they probably don't do a very good job of mimicking real hormones). But I'm definately going to see a counselor before I choose to do anything else about the situation.

 

Well, I've been in the female gender role for a few days now; it is much more comfortable to me. I have yet to walk around in the broad of day, but I feel that I will be unabashed and, for the most part, feel more natural. This is a part of me that I've not yet had the courage to show; so I am both nervous and confident.

I'm confident because I have been accepting myself as a woman for years, and I don't really know too many of the people who live around me. But I'm nervous because I don't know if I'll be recognized as a woman; I'm fairly sure that I can pass the look, but I don't know how to act. I've tried some voice therapy (singing and speaking with a feminine dialect); I can hear the voice I want, but can't mimic it entirely as of yet. I know the correct composure and what not; but I sometimes slack back into my masculine way of holding myself.

I guess I'm just going to have to toss myself out there and get used to being this way in public; over 10 years of repression is not the way to handle these feelings. I feel like it will be a mountain to climb; convincing other people that I'm actually a girl. I suppose it's time that I get some friends into the know; I guess I'm just a bit concerned about how many of them would remain as my friends. I mean, whenever I'm expressing myself, it's nice, and fluent; natural. But when I approach things with masculinity, I feel disconnected and akward; so I need a group of people I can turn to and truly feel connected with them.

There are only a few friends who I feel connected to; they are the ones I trust the most, and know the most about me. I am fairly sure that they will eventually understand, if not initially; and I hope that those who don't won't let it end our friendship. Anyway, I have to go, thanks for reading.

 

Well, the last couple of weeks have pretty much confirmed what I've felt for so long; I came out with it to my mother. She and my father had just thought that I was acting out my homosexuality (even though I'm bisexual, if you label that kind of thing). We talked for a good two hours and she revealed stuff that I didn't even remember (how I ran and acted when I was very young, etc...).

At first, she was a bit skeptical, but then I explained how several events that have taken place in the previous years were pretty much a direct cause of the transgender issue and how I repressed it. We're going to discuss it further, soon, and then talk to my dad about it. The most significant arguement, I feel, was my depression that began nearly three years ago; it was the destruction of a false identity as a boy. We moved away from my friends that I had (about five miles, but that's not the point...), and I wasn't surrounded by the constant idea that I was a boy; with it being reinforced by the friends I was with.

Anywho, I just felt that I'd wrap this thread up; my curiousity has been pretty much fulfilled. I understand the feelings that I've had my entire life. Thanks for any advice that was given; I'll be sure to continue the path that I know I have been placed on in the best way possible.

 

I haven't been on the Forums in a bit so I have to catch up a little.

You have started your living as stage & mentioned that you feel so much more confident but yet have some apprehension. That is natural. I think every transgendered feels that way when they finally let their Yin out. You are freeing what has been inside you all this time but you are worried that the world can't handle that you (or something like that). Voice is a stumbling for many of us. It is a major one for me but I have had conversations with people & when I see them a second time & tell them about me they have really thought the previous times that they were talking with a woman. If I can do that I'm sure you will have much more success with it I haven't had any voice training other than what I have done myself self study style.

As you let this real you out more the rough edges will fade as you go along, you'll see.

As for your parents. It sounds like your Mom is pretty much on board with this. I think that Mom's handle this kind of thing better generally & possibly even know before hand. I chose to never tell my Mom but things were much different when I was your age. My Mom did kind of know I suspect. Anyhow, yours seems to be supportive. That is great! Funny you mention that your parents thought it was acting out homosexuality I get a kick out of that every time I hear it since I know many T-Girls who don't want to have sexual relationships with males. AHHH, the straights (& actually many GLB folks) know so little about us.

I hope that your Dad is as capable of handeling you beeing the real you. You obviously know so much more about him than I could ever but from what I read between the lines I get the feeling that he may be somewhat aprehensive but you get the feeling that he will be able to accept it. Did I read that right?

I can't speak for all of your friends but I can tellyou about mine. I honestly can say that I haven't so far lost every one of them. There are a couple that don't deal with me as much & some that act differently but that is normal when you think of it. You are no longer one of the guys. My real friends are there to support me. I bet your's will be too.

Welcome to the sisterhood of T-Girls. It's good to know that there is another special woman like us on this planet.

 

That's kind of it; I'm not so worried about what every one else thinks really. You don't worry about that kind of stuff when you've already ostracized yourself from society (I mean the real me, not the facade). I'm concerned about possible hostilities and attacks on my building character; I feel like my spirit just hasn't been nurtured enough and am weary of dealing with harsh criticism.

The hardest part, I feel, will be getting people to recognize me for who I truly am; that's the fear that has kept my Yin (is it Yin that's feminine? I sure can't remember...) repressed for as long as I've been aware of it.

I know; my mom and I are going to talk with my father about the whole thing soon and I'll feel much more comfortable exploring a feminine voice. I mean, I like my voice now, but I can hear the one that has been talking inside my head for so long now; I know I can bring it out. I could probably keep a conversation going, I have a very good sense of pitch, but I don't know how to express it in a fluent way yet. Like you said, in time, the masculinity will fade.

Ya, we actually went out and ate, shopped, talked, etc. after I made that post yesterday; she understands why I've been dressing like I have recently. She asked me if it was necessary, which it isn't; I explained to her that it's only to draw attention to the fact that I am a girl. Of course, I enjoy looking pretty, but that's the real reason.

It was also amusing that I was referred to as a lady at one of the stores we had been shopping at (only ten minutes after telling my mother that I wanted to be known as a girl, ); something that rarely happens unfortunately.

Honestly, I've always assumed a female role when it came to anything sexual; but I haven't been sexually active. I've thought about pursuing attractions to both men and women, but only did so once. It wasn't that good of a relationship; I was just starting to explore this kind of stuff on a level that was way far off from where I am now. It was kind of off and on for a while, and then she broke up with me because I was smoking cannabis (thank God for that; allowed me to actually explore my emotions).

Pretty much; I know he'll accept the truth, but I don't know how he'll treat it. I mean, he'll support it, but I don't know if he'll recognize it even. He has repeatedly caught me outside, "dressed inappropiately" (which means, wearing a dress...). He seems to be uncomfortable with it, but that may change after he hears why. His biggest concern is explaining it to the neighbors; he's kind of big on his reputation. He deserves it though; he came a very long way from when he was my age.

I know what you mean; several of my good friends probably won't be that shocked when I do tell them. One that I've had for over 10 years should have obviously picked up on something like this; I can recount so many different situations that expossed my spirit... Several of my new friends, made just this last semester of school, seem like they'd be fine with it; one that's a girl couldn't have missed the fact that I was wearing a stuffed bra one day. I mean, I wore it the entire day, AND she walked to my house with me, hung out, and then left for her friend's house. Another that is a guy asked me if I had been wearing a bra that day afterwards; I didn't provide a clear answer because I wasn't comfortable with admitting it. I actually told another friend (well, indirectly kind of, I don't know if she got what I meant) about this; she seems to be fine with it, she even did my makeup before I told her .

I know that some friends may leave, but many will stay, and even more will come; all I want is for them to recognize me for who I am.

It's just as good to know that I'm not the only one . Also, my mother told me something that made me feel like she will provide the most support. She said: "I believe that God makes all kinds of people; no one deserves any less compassion and acceptance than anybody else just because they are different."

I know, it's got Christian belief in it... but that doesn't make it any less meaningful; she believes in me.

 

Hate to start this one back up, but my father didn't respond the way I had expected him to. I mean, I was expecting some skepticism; but he made me feel as though I were jumping myself into the middle of something without thinking. He kept talking about hormones and all that shit, when I've thought about this stuff for 10 fucking years; it's extremely frustrating. He also talked about me significantly developing mentally in the next three years; which I responded to by quickley asking him about whether or not it would define my ideas further.

Of course, I wasn't completely unprepared for this; he talked a lot about his past and everything. The subject rarely stayed on how I felt about myself and how I viewed myself; he tried to counter all that I put out rather than comprehending it and expressing what he felt was best.

In other words, we reached a dead end.

He wants me to pursue counseling to reconfirm it; even though I fucking planned that out long before I even told anyone. It's like he feels that I'm not capable of fully understanding my feelings; dealing with him is going to be difficult.

Anywho, I just wanted to rant a little, and keep this topic semi-alive; might need to refer to it somewhere along the line .

 

At least he isn't doing anything like disowning you. That unfortunately happens way too often not only to transgendered kids but also to gay & lesbian kids. He also didn't get violent. That happens far too often too.

Actually, although he didn't speak to you in terms that encompassed you in the conversation he did talk to you. That is a good thing. He mentioned counseling. That likely implies that he is going to support your counseling. To be fair he may not have known that you were planning on this & wanted to be sure that you got the help down this path you need. * There is a perception in some that this is a mental disorder but it doesn't sound like he was thinking that. It also could be that he wanted to be sure that you are serious about this before you start changing your body in such a radical way. I'm just throwing out ideas here, you know him better than I ever could...
It sounds like he had a prepared speech that he wanted to give you. That could be because he wanted to talk & is uncomfortable so just got his points out not listening. Not entirely helpful, perhaps, but it is a start to the dialog. I would give it a little time then bring up the points you want to make.

I know that I talk about my experience when talking to my kids. Heck, I do that here when I'm trying to help someone with an issue. It is a common thing. I am not sure what ones your Dad talked about but he probably thought they were relevant. Parents are human too. We often shoot from the hip when we run into something that we are unprepared for. Having your Son tell you that she is your Daughter is quite a bit for many parents to wrap their minds around.


* I just broke down & concluded that I need counseling. I have my first appointment with a gender related therapist 11 July.

 

I talked with my mother about how he felt, and I was pretty sure he wasn't about to act irrational. I was just ranting; it's frustrating telling somebody something that you've felt you're entire life, but haven't brought it out, and then having them tell you that you're wrong. I mean, he didn't necessarily say that, but he was skeptical enough to make me think that he felt that way. Afterall, he's known me as his son since the day I was born.

I know, but he must have assumed that I wanted to go about this by myself or something. He was constantly telling me to seek counseling to deal with my insomnia; but I didn't want help for that. My insomnia started with my depression; if I knocked one out by myself (only after about a roller coaster of a year with counseling and medication...), I should be able to knock out the other. I destroyed my depression by becoming androgynous, and only by trying just about everything I could think of besides exploring the concept of being transgendered did I realize that it WAS true.

Right afterwards, my insomnia vanished; I could fall asleep just about whenever I wanted again. After I figured out why I had had problems like these two my whole life, I finally became aware of the fact that I was going to need help with many new things. Counseling, I realized, would be best; I told my father all of this (sparing the first part of this sentance) before telling him I was transgendered. The suggestion just made me feel like he thought I wasn't sure about it and didn't know what to do; I felt like he was treating me like a little child. I realize that, as a parent, he's going to do that. I ranted on it because I had a hard enough time working up the courage to tell him, much less to have him tell ME what I should be doing... I have my own agenda, and I'm going by it, telling him was one of the last things I want to do before seeking counseling; not receiving his counseling.

That is true, and I thank you very much for these suggestions; they have been extremely helpful. No, he didn't think that, but he is skeptical of it because he feels that my judgement might be clouded by hormones and what not. He made a clear point of telling me that I will develop, mentally, a vast amount in the next three years; I felt I'd developed a great deal already... I mean, I overcame two very large struggles by myself; the least he could do is recognize that. He barely even touched on those two things when we talked; they're the biggest arguements I have right now, other than my discomfort, akwardness and disconnection that I feel currently and have felt my entire life. All I want to do is express myself; scheduled hormone therapy and SRS are way far off in my mind.

That is true; I know he is having a difficult time absorbing this. He forced his points throughout the conversation, and left little for me to talk about inbetween. I just wanted an warm and open reception; but that may have been asking for too much in this situation. Many of my friends have been fine with it; they aren't bothered by me wearing a skirt or anything. I guess I just expected it to go too well; probably because my father has known me longer than any of my friends. I just assumed that he would receive it differently; it's not like it was all of a sudden, I waited much longer to tell him.

Yes, that is why I hesitated in telling him. He dealt with it very well; not like I would have hoped, but, at least things has been set in motion. I did put myself in his place, I understood why he made the points he did; I was just expecting to be able to put him in my place a bit. Overall, it went very well, it's something we can build from. I imagine that after I start counseling, and things progress there, he will come farther down the line.

I hope that goes well for you. I will be attending a non-profit organization myself. It isn't in my town, but it isn't that far away either; my first appointment has yet to be determined. Thank you for replying; debate always helps me rethink certain things.

 

Yet another update: my father has finally accepted it, but he is still not comfortable with it. The thing that pissed me off the first time we talked was when he said: "Let's try to keep from self-diagnosing..." But now, he understands that it isn't as simple as some kind of complex. He is preparing himself for my transition, as well as my mother.

They actually talked with my school counselor the other day, and he told them that there have actually been 3 people in the last 3 years that have come out around the same time that I did; including a female to male. So, he talked with my parents about this, gave recommendations, set things up... I love him. This information turned what was, otherwise, a troublesome day into a good one.

Apparently, somebody who I gave information leaked it; he said he wouldn't care about it, and that he wouldn't tell anybody. I'm pretty sure he did, because he's the only person other than my closest friends to have seen me dressed. One of the people I never intended to tell about this now has suspicions; it came up because he and some of his friends had seen a crossdresser in town, and were making fun of that person. I wanted to stand up about it; but I wasn't ready for any of them to start drawing conclusions. I just hope I don't get ridiculed too much; I'm expecting it though. It'll just be a pain to deal with.

 

I think transexuals are sexy.

 

See your doc who can refer you to the right councellor. I am transgendered but the opposite way to you. But I won't see a doc as there are no benefits to having a prosthetic dick.

 

I am seeing therapists; one's even suggested that I go to see an endocrinologist for a consultation. Also, it's not about benefits... I'm holding off on the idea of SRS myself. HRT is scary in itself; but I want it, and society damn near demands it in an indirect sort of way. I'm living full-time though; so, school's going to be interesting this year.

 

good luck to you Ocean Byrd, I hope all goes well for you in school. It is a shame that society has a set of "norms" and anything out of that norm is ridiculed, I truely hope your friends stand by you.

peace out,
bob

 

School will be an experience for me this year; I am conducting a real life test. I already have many friends who I know support me; I do feel that I will be fine as I continue to discover who I truly am.

 

I felt that I might as well follow up: School has gone well, and my therapy is very much off the ground. I'm about a month or two off from receiving my letter of recommendation to an endocrinologist, so... I don't know, I don't think I could ask for much more. My legal name change is in progress at the moment, and my past life seems like no more than some horrible dream. I'm amazed that I even managed to act like a boy as well as I did... I can't remember how to anymore. XD