To Hijab or not to Hijab

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Melanie_86, Aug 12, 2013.

  1. Melanie_86

    Melanie_86 Member

    Recently a very dear friend of mine, hooked up with a muslim guy. When I say recent, they've been going out for about 8 months. Now she is in a dilemma as this guy is getting quite serious about their relationship and as such, he is firstly, asking her to convert to Islam, told her he doesn't want her to go to the beach next summer and lastly, even before she goes down that horrid road of following this guy like some kind of slave and becoming a Muslim, the dickhead is insisting she wear a hijab.

    She told him she wants none of that in her life and he has told her he won't marry her if she doesn't conform. Her problem is that she really likes this guy, and is afraid she'll lose him if she doesn't accede to his wishes. I and many of my friends have told her, that if he really wants him, he will have to accept her the way she is or nothing.

    I'm seeing this awful trend lately of girls and women getting involved with guys from other cultures and then instead of staying true to themselves, are becoming nothing but victims male domination. This is only my view, but if a guy wants you, if any thing in these cross culture issues when the woman or girl is in her own country, the guy should be thinking about adopting her culture/religion. Not the other way around.
    Didi47 likes this.
  2. scratcho

    scratcho Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    That is sad. Involuntary lifetime servitude is what she's looking at. Sad. RUN-RUN FAST.
  3. wobs

    wobs Senior Member

    yes you are right mel,i worked in bradford(england) 25 years since and nobody wore a hibab or whatever there called, they only seem to come in about 11 years since
  4. Mike Suicide

    Mike Suicide Sweet and Tender Hooligan

    Being forced to change and follow any religion is wrong and is why this world is in so much trouble.
  5. Melanie_86

    Melanie_86 Member

    to be perfectly honest and totally politically incorrect, I agree with the French Government, the wearing of Islamic clothing has no place in western society. To take that to another dimension; there is no way I would be allowed to dress as I do in say Saudi Arabia. They would expect us to respect their culture; why we have to cowtow to minority groups is beyond me; if you live with us, respect us and our ways. Like the old saying, when in Rome......
  6. drumminmama

    drumminmama Super Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    This aside"]Midnight Oil - Beds Are Burning - YouTube

    Is she at all interested in Islam, aside from the one guy?
    Would she be covering in Oz? Or does he want to move to Asia?
    And just so she knows, there are plenty of modest bathing suits. The beach isn't the problem, exposure is.
    (I have a slightly modest suit myself. Not anything like the muslimahs wear, but far more covered than the average North American.)

    Eight months and talking marriage with a huge culture divide seems a bit early.
    If its a conversation about logistics, a curiosity, that's one thing, but attempting to control behaviour is quite another.
  7. Melanie_86

    Melanie_86 Member

    No she isn't. She told me she told him from the outset that if they were to get serious, they should have an arrangement where they each keep their own religions, have a civil wedding and if they have kids, they would be taught about both and allowed to make up their minds when they were of age. He was okay with that until about a month ago when his brother came back from Lebanon. That guy has been more or less telling his younger brother that his future wife 'must' follow the husband. Somehow even the parents who were I thought moderates have gotten on the bandwagon.

    They live here, the kids of this family are second gen Aussies and that is the frustrating part. The younger sister left home about a year ago and turned her back on Islam, I think that has something to do with it. There really isn't a culture divide, just what is behind the religious side of things. What is so hypocritical about the whole family, up until about maybe 18 months or so ago, they had a backyard pool and pool parties. Suddenly according to neighbors who are friends of my parents, this family filled the pool in and turfed it over.

    I spoke to her last night, she wants to call it off, but she is now actually afraid of these people. :(
  8. drumminmama

    drumminmama Super Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Sounds like a culture divide to me. And I'm from a modest, keep a bit separate faith.

    I work on some Muslim women. Some modest, some very much not.
    While I admire some parts of the faith, others drive me bonkers. The whole misogynistic bit leads the charge there.

    What can they realistically do to your friend? If they try to coerce her as an infidel, it looks bad for them.
  9. Melanie_86

    Melanie_86 Member

    I've met the guy way before they hooked up, he used to go to the same gym as I did. He was okay, never talked about religion, never expressed any views. I think this intervention of his brother who seems to have a lot of influence is doing it. He spent four years in Lebanon and I suspect other places as well. I know one similar incident over here where a girl eventually turned the guy down; she was slandered all over the net, he life was made a pain even with an AVO taken out on the family. she had to move interstate
  10. wiccan_witch

    wiccan_witch Senior Member

    It's him, not the faith. When I lived in Australia one of my really good friends was a Lebanese Muslim who was actually divorced - quite rare in her circle. While married she told me her husband forced her to wear the hijab and every day when he went to work she was locked inside the house with her daughter. When she asked him what she was supposed to do if there was a fire or there was some other emergency and she had to get out of the house he told her it was God's will for her to die if that happened. :( Once divorced she dropped the hijab, started smoking, got her own job and raised her daughter solo. A friend of mine here in New Zealand married an Iraqi Muslim and never wore the hijab and was free to work, study etc and do what she liked.

    This guy wants to control your friend and is using his faith as justification of potentially abusive behavior. She needs to run, but because he's an asshole, not just because he is a Muslim.
  11. Melanie_86

    Melanie_86 Member

    I agree. What makes me and the rest of my friends angry, is that he was such a nice guy a while ago. It seems like he and his family changed overnight. I think their youngest daughter is lucky she got away from them. I only hope my friend will do so to. Thank you all for your lovely comments
  12. Piaf

    Piaf Senior Member

    To be completely honest, I don't think their relationship has any future. I just don't believe two people of very different cultures can make it work. Does she really think he will sacrifice his religion, his customs, and his family? I doubt it.

    It's called a hijab, even the thread title says so...twice. Dear God.

    I agree as well. I also support the Swiss prohibition of minarets on mosques.
  13. RIPTIDE59

    RIPTIDE59 Banned

    Your friend should become a nudist. That is one way of getting rid of muslims.

    Kudos. I agree as well. Support Suisse ban of mosks and minarets.
  14. wobs

    wobs Senior Member

    piaf i probably know more about trhis issue more than you!
  15. Karen_J

    Karen_J Visitor

    Whatever the Islamic word for hell is, she should tell him to go there.

  16. Piaf

    Piaf Senior Member

  17. Manservant Hecubus

    Manservant Hecubus Master of Funk and Evil

    So, how do y'all feel about hoodies?
  18. wobs

    wobs Senior Member

    sorry piaf, i didnt mean that to sound nasty,once again i apologise
  19. Manservant Hecubus

    Manservant Hecubus Master of Funk and Evil

    Don't apologize. Back it up.
    Why should we believe that someone who can't spell hijab when it's right in front of them, when they say that they know more about the issue than the rest of us and then you say nothing about the actual issue itself.
  20. Piaf

    Piaf Senior Member

    I am assuming it is because it is becoming a big issue in the UK. I am sure wobs knows a lot about it, but mispelling it is pure laziness....I mean if nothing else, it's right there in the thread title!

    Also, I like hoodies. Pure comfort.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice