Tips on repairing the psychological damage from a really bad salvia trip!

Hi everyone! I'm new here, I haven't done an intro yet but I'll post one shortly. This looks like a really cool community and I'm glad I found it. What I'm looking for advice on in this post, though, is how to recover from my first (and only!) salvia experience. It has adversely affected every experience with psychedelics to follow, and had a profound impact on me in general. Perhaps a psychiatrist is who I should be talking to, but after scouring the internet, I thought someone here might know what to do.

My first trip, in a nutshell -- I had been fearless but smart before this. I had tried marijuana, ecstasy, and responsible (in my mind) amounts of cocaine, just to have the experience. I had thoroughly researched each drug before putting it into my body, and had never had any fear that any harm would befall me. I was prepared, careful, safe, and positive. I never had any anxiety, had never had a panic attack in my life. Imagined that when I went on to try acid and shrooms that I could easily overcome a "bad trip" with the power of positive thinking, was utterly convinced it was all mind over matter. I was that assured that I was completely safe and in control and that no substance could take me to a place that I did not give it permission to take me.

I went to a friend's house and they were packing a bowl. They had a "legal hallucinogen" and they were all excited for me to try it. I had not yet tried acid or shrooms, but I planned to and thought this would be a perfect stepping stone. They all made it sound very fun and looked on with big smiles as they packed a black poweder on top of the pot and told me to keep inhaling as long as I could and hold it until I couldn't hold it anymore. Nobody warned me, nobody prepared me. They just said it was really fun, and I went into it expecting something different than what I got. (When it was over, I realized they were all watching me, just to see how I would react, to see if it would be amusing to them, and they purposely hadn't prepared me or warned me so that my confusion and terror could make the situation more humorous for them)

I did as they instructed and I can't even describe what happened next. It was like I was gone and I felt like I'd never come back, like I'd never be normal again. Every time I turned away from someone, it was like they didn't exist anymore. The air around me felt tangible, I felt boxed in. I got out of the car and just started running, but I couldn't get away. I was terrified. I was all up inside my head, looking down on this whole scene, like my brain was a room and I was sitting in there watching all this, thinking I would be institutionalized because I was stuck this way and I wouldn't be right again, and I couldn't function like this, what had I done, I'd messed myself up. I threw myself to the ground and sobbed, looked up and started laughing. Then I realized things weren't normal yet so I put my face back on the ground and hoped when I looked up it would be normal again, but I did and everything was still...off. Anyway I could go on an on about all of the things that changed, the look, the feel, the terror, the time distortion, the confusion, the panic...I was screaming at them to take me to my mom, take me to a hospital, but they all just laughed. Eventually I was fine, but now I get panic attacks.

Now, even if I take Vicodin, too much coffee, get too stoned, too drunk, etc...I get a panic attack. It's like, when reality feels the SLIGHTEST bit out of my comfort zone, I automatically freak out and wonder if I'm going to "that place" again. I have never been so terrified in my life. I hate being a prisoner of my anxiety. I would love to continue to explore with psychadelics and I hate that I have been so halted by this experience. I am so afraid, where before I was so confident. I don't know how to get that confidence back. I know that I am not in control anymore. I did trip on LSD at Peace Fest last year, but I ripped one hit in half, because I was afraid to keep it beyond manageable. I would like to explore my mind but am completely puzzled as to how to overcome this roadblock. I have a friend who is bringing over some 2CE tomorrow, for example, and I have to pass. It makes me sad because while I have read that it can be enlightening and life-changing, I just know that it would be the type of trip I could not handle because of my current problem.

Thanks for reading this long-winded post!

 

A friend of mine had a similar experience with salvia, but to my knowledge he hasn't had any long-term effects from it.

I don't really have any advice to give you, but talking to a psychologist might help you. Taking a benzo along with any drugs will help control panic/paranoia as well.

 

wow, that's horrible. it's kind of surprising that salvia has got the popularity that it has done, because I really don't think it can be described as "fun" or "enjoyable" in any way. It's an extreme drug, based on personal experience it's more powerful than acid or just about anything else (although I've not taken DMT). If there's one thing it's good for, it's making you appreciate a clear, sober state of mind.

This might be a stupid idea but I'm gonna suggest it any way. You say you get worried when you feel your reality shifting towards being in that extreme salvia world, but you took 40x extract. Maybe you could get the weakest salvia available (1x "extract" presumably?) and smoke that, and it might take you to a more gentle version of the salvia world, and you might be able to feel comfortable in there and get your confidence back. Maybe it's the same as with any other drug - like imagine if your first experience with alcohol was downing a litre of straight vodka, you would probably never want to be in the same room as vodka again. However, if you were to gently reintroduce yourself to alcohol after that, you might grow to like it.

I don't know if there really is a gentle salvia world, I've only taken it once and it was 60x or 70x or something like that, so I'm just speculating here... just thought I'd throw this suggestion out there.

 

1 x 'extract' would just be salvia leaf. you can find it on ebay really cheap. much milder than the extract.

 

lol wtf is 1x gonna do to you nothing hahaha?

 

you can still feel the effects of the leaf, just make sure you get a big hit (i'd suggest doing a bucket or a parachute).

 

Your consciousness was radically changed beyond your own control and it's made you feel fundamentally uncomfortable.

Any significant event, drugs or no drugs can cause this.

You simply need to realise, not intellectually but wholly, that everything is the way it is meant to be and that you never were nor never will be in control of anything.

The problem is that you're fighting to regain control over reality, something you were never in control of in the first place. You'll never win back that control. The fact that you may think you ever had it is an illusion.

 

^^^good advice

my advice: salvia is fucking insane, out this world, strong! i have tripped on LSD, mushrooms, 2ce and 2cb. i've taken MDMA, mescaline, 4-aco-dmt, and ketamine. NOTHING was a strong as a salvia breakthrough. nothing has ever taken me to "that place" other than salvia. and i went to a very similar place as you.

i had tried it twice before, but it just felt weird and made me laugh (smoked too little). now it was 7 years later and i wanted to see what all the fuss was about. i doubted how strong a breakthrough could really be, but i would smoke it properly this time. load up my bong slide. take a huge hit with the flame on the whole time...hold it...................repeat.

i was gone before i exhaled the 2nd hit. i guess my friend grabbed the bong, and moved my laptop from in front of me. if he hadn't, i probably would have thrown the bong on the computer in my frenzy. i apparently stood up, spun around and screamed. then rolled around on the couch and floor and coffee table, all while yelling super fast gibberish.

what was happening according to me was a bit different. i was in this weird place, where it was like everyone i knew was participating in a ritual. and i didn't know quite what to do. it came around to me twice and i kept fucking up and disappointing. then i panicked and felt like i was stuck here. i was never gonna be normal again. i pictured telling all my loved ones and trying to live a normal life. but there was no way. this was the new reality? my whole life had been a mean trick up until that point, and now everyone i knew could breathe easy knowing that i had FINALLY realized the secret?

main point: freaking out on salvia doesn't mean you will freak out on LSD or 2ce. i was terrified by salvia and i love LSD and 2ce (other than 2ce's "body load")

 

I shall return later and read your post in detail, I just skimmed it, but:

Salvia steals ALL control, in high doses. it sounds like you're reacting to that, and now you cling very tightly to what is normal and real.

My advice is to let go, relax, and of course, to take salvia again.

Remember, "fight the ocean and you will drown", you must submit to psychedelics and swim WITH them, it's your own personality being projected at you, and you can't fight it, that's what caused this in the first place.

I think you need a high dose of salvia, after properly preparing. I don't think you should work up, because on lower doses you have the OPTION to fight the drug, on higher doses you really don't.

Again, submit. You can't fight drugs, once they're bound to your receptor cites that's it, if you don't want to alter your perception and thought processes then don't take the drug at all, taking it and then getting cold feet about what you're feeling is the cause of your problems.

I'll read your post more carefully in a little while, and amend this post as/if necessary.

*edit* also, lunarverse made a very good post... porky too, but it sounds like he, too, might need to go back and face salvia

*edit2* Simply remember, always dose your drugs carefully, and know your body, mind, and chemical. If you do this, there is no need for a panic attack, because you can not be physically hurt, all you need to do is store the feelings and thoughts you can't handle at that moment, and assimilate them when you're not overwhelmed by the drug.

 

apparently i lied, because i can't find it anywhere on ebay. i bought an ounce of leaf a few years ago but ended up forgetting it when i moved. i wonder if the new tenant realized what it was...

 

nope...no need for that

i came out of my salvia trip with a bump on my head and a few scratches.

 

Err... I meant by the action of the drug.

It's a good idea to have a trusted sitter (without a camera.....) present if you forsee thrashing, for sure.

 

i had a sitter.

and i really don't think i would have behaved that way if i didn't smoke salvia. the action of the drug made me completely unaware of my surrounding and my body's actions within them.

 

I'm sorry, I should have said toxicity.

Salvia won't chemically harm your body.... Though I won't deny that it can make you very unpredictable and difficult for a sitter to handle. But it can be handled, for those determined to use it. Very few people are prepared when they take salvia, either in expectations or environment. Maybe a padded room?

Either way, I think the best answer for the OP is to finish what they started, properly prepare, have a proper setting, proper salvia in a high dose, proper sitter, and conquer your fear by full submission to salvia.

The next best option is private thought and meditation as you see fit, coupled with a long if not indefinite period without using any inebriates or intoxicants. Every panic attack you put yourself (no offence, but quite stupidly, once you know what can happen) through will cause more damage and make it happen more easily.

You've got to either stop all chemical use or beat this chemical and your fears, or else you're going to end up having panic attacks in the course of normal activities, and develop very serious anxiety problems.

 

but still, i'm not one to blame my personal actions on a drug. just trying to illustrate how fuckin powerful salvia can be. have you done it, roorshack?

good thing i happened to have a decent environment, because i definitely wasn't ready as far as expectations. i didn't know ANYTHING could be that strong and crazy. it was THE most mind bending thing that ever happened to me, other than maybe being born...or conceived.

i don't know that salvia gave me enough time to submit. i took a hit. breathed out. took another hit and...............WHERE AM I WHAT IS GOING ON OMG OMG OMG HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO HOW THE FUCK DO I DO THAT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

i for one, don't see the need to conquer my fear of salvia. it "worked" for me once, and that was enough!

just my opinion though, maybe OP does need to conquer their fear?

 

Yes, I've done salvia a number of times..... I really don't like it, but I'm quite glad I've done it, and may do it in the future, if that makes sense.... Only had a few out of body experiences, smoking vastly more 40x than anyone else I've ever seen in real life, I can be something of a psychedelic hard head. (takes me like 3 hits of acid to get to even minor visuals, when others report visuals on 1 identical tab, and then I have like 5 hours of visuals and 8 of nice feelings. 3.5mg of DOB only gave me about 6 hours of visuals MAX, etc)

 

My first instinct is to agree with the conquering your fear angle, however these sorts of things can amplify certain behaviours (like panic attacks) so you should be extremely mindful.

You shouldn't blame yourself, OP, it seems to me like your friends really played quite a bad joke on you. Maybe confronting them and making your feelings known will help some way towards your recovery, perhaps them making it up to you is what you need before you delve into that kind of world again.

I just did some Salvia, 2nd time ever literally just now. Mad shit.

 

If you ask me you have really stupid "friends". What kind of friend would give you a really potent drug like salvia, and not really let you know what your in for just for their own amusment? Man people are really stupid.. im sorry but damn.

 

I wouldn't be calling them friends anymore.

My first trip was terrifying and I tried oh three or four more times all with the result of my mind saying hell no you're not going there again and just fighting the drug, which isn't pleasant in the least.

 

roorshack i have to totally disagree with you saying to take another large dose of salvia to 'finish what you started'

i've done salvia twice, and all i really have to say it that shit is crazy. each trip has it's own motif's and is unique. there is no 'finishing what one started.'

my best advice to the OP is to just ease in to drugs. if you freak out from drinking too much then try drinking smaller amounts until you get used to it again and then try moving over the threshold in which you freak out. the same goes for pot, or whatever else is bothering you.

if that doesn't work then just take a long sobriety break for a few months or a year. then try easing in again.

for a while after my second salvia trip whenever i would smoke pot it felt like i was on salvia again. eventually after i had enough 'trips' from pot i never had one again. it was like breaking through a tolerence barrier. after i had gained a significant enough of a tolerence it never affected me like that again, even after i had lost the tolerence. so yeah try building up a tolerence.

but what lunaverse said about letting go is important. you are not in control of reality. many hallucinogens will confront your control of reality, you have to learn to let go or you will end up hurting yourself holding on.