Much about my life has come to me as a glimpse, a foreshadowing of the future. It wasn't so much a vision but a feeling, and often I didn't understand it but responded emotionally as if I already knew of it. Grieving years before a loss, without understanding why. There's been much grieving and much letting go. And it's easy to wonder... did I really foresee what was to come, or did I simply manifest what I already held within me, like a self-fulfilling prophecy? I believe the answer is... both. What I realize now is that there are patterns within me, patterns that give rise to a future that must animate them. I am able to glimpse my own patterns and thus know the future that is to come. When a pattern is dissolved then the future that would contain it is dissolved as well. I also noticed that when a pattern is dissolved, the past that contained it is dissolved as well. How do I know this? I feel neutrality and deep peace regarding any memory of past events where the pattern no longer exists. Sometimes I don't even have a conscious memory of the past but just a sense of lightness and freedom, and I believe that past lives fall into this. I may not consciously remember many of them but on a deep level I feel a sort of dissolution of their energy. In this sense there is no past and no future... and no time. Because time is needed only as long as patterns exist, to give an organized structure to bring attention to the pattern. Ultimately, time is an illusion and fades as patterns fade. Recognizing a pattern means to step outside it, a paradigm shift. There may still be some momentum but without renewed energy it will soon come to a stop. And then all is still, all is still. The patterns alive in me are here now, not in past or future. And they continue to play themselves out in many ways, allowing me to see them through mirrors that come in the guise of other people, or perhaps through my own internal ripples. So what is it to be psychic, really? Is it not to see patterns and perhaps some of the forms in which they appear, on this framework we call time?
My father had this story he grew up with, and when I was about 5 he passed it on to me. The story went like this, The feet looked up one day, and saw the knees. The feet said to the knees, “You are above me, you must be greater then me. The knees looked down at the feet, and up to the hips, and said, Hips, between You, and feet I feel trapped in the middle here, and know not what direction I should take. The hips looked down at the knees, and feet, and then looked up toward the heart. Surely the heart would know the right answer to give. But when the hips asked the heart the heart stayed silent. So the hips not wanting to give up, rose to the lips. The lips spoke to the ears. The nose just smelled, and the eyes they knew the greater view ahead but felt no urge to go down the road. So all stayed behind. I asked my father what this story was supposed to mean. My father smiled, and said he was not sure, his father had told it to him so now he was telling it to me. After my father died I went to an orphanage. Often this story would come up in my mind. Time marched on, and I left the orphanage to enter the first foster home I was to know, as I was walking down the sidewalk toward the waiting car. The meaning hit me as if I had been blind all my life, and now suddenly I could see. The meaning is all things are connected. One is not above, or below the other. The heart only speaks when we give our self to the journey we are on. And the parts make the whole when each finds what is theirs to do. This life is about what we choose to do from the height, and depth of our inner most being. Unless we know who we are we will not understand the purpose of the life, and connections we all share. In truth the eyes know we are not separate from the all. Maybe we are not connected so much by time as by the sum of the parts that make us whole, and one as we live within the agreement to stretch our awareness, and growth.
I feel connected when I love. I love when I recognize myself in another. And it is a sacred space that I know within the recognition. When I start to think about it I am lost again. But always I can return my awareness to my heart center, and remember.
It's often said that people are psychic but just don't know it. Take my boss as an example; almost on a daily basis working with him he'll mention or ask for things just as i'm thinking about it or about to do it. Everytime i'm taking care of some detail that others have missed or can't be bothered doing, he'll catch me doing it, and always seem to allocate my days off right when they're best for me. I just feel he's more aware than most where i work and there seems to be a synchronicity with him i can trust in. Today i walked into a room he was in and he had his back to me, yet immediately asked me a question without turning his head, so anyway i laughed and mentioned something about eyes in the back of his head. He laughed too and said "I'm everywhere mate." I havn't mentioned to him that i find him rather psychic but it's fun watching. And yes, he reflects things back to me too and says rather profound things in a very ordinary way ...messages. I saw a great utube clip recently, i wish i knew how to post it (anyone?) ... it was a talk given by a woman who is a brain scientist. She had a stroke in the left half of her brain which caused the left brain to cease functioning intermittently and she found herself flipping between individual identlity and oneness. She described how our right brains function like a 'parallel processor' ... taking in all information and our left brains acting like a 'serial processor' ... picking out bits of information to form something linear and tangible. And so she describes the two completely unique halves of our brains (linked by the small 'corpus collosum' which connects with our spinal cord, as having distinct and separate personalitys. After her 8 year recovery she now can choose which side of her brain she wishes to be in at any time. I found her brain scientist way of looking at it quite refreshing in a sort of electrical/chemical/brain/senses kind of way. So we take in all this information. It's there, and i suppose the skill of being a psychic is in navigating it all and in being egoless enough not to taint it. One could paint it many different ways but the message would remain the same. There seems to be a thread in my life also and i catch glimpses of it very occasionally and it starts when i'm about 4 years old. I was the sleepwalker and bedwetter among my brothers and twin sister. One night my mother is up late and spys me sleepwalking out the front door with my sleeping bag gathered under my arm. "Where are you going Hardy?" ... "I'm going home, to dads house." (my parents were divorced). And this story picks up again when i'm 25 and suffer a horrendous split with a fantastic but troubled woman i found it oh so hard to let go of. It took me a year and a half to understand why i should let go of what seemed my life. I felt i needed to stop. Stop and start again and as i loosened my grip on our future, my future faded to nothing and the past healed and one night i stopped, let go, and found myself eternal for a moment, in the space where past and future normally fill our minds. An experience of light unfolded for me and the thread in my life, the dream that carried me on had arrived. I realised after that time that i had drawn a picture of that experience back when i was 19 or 20 ...a symbolic representation, ... my own little bit on a stage backdrop for a band i was in called 'The great unknown' ...and i saw that i was running to a program i wasn't conciously aware of which would reveal itself in little ways from time to time. Sadly my rebirth was aborted, yet my picture and program is still there and it gives me a clue that someday i will be able to let go and not get stuck in thought ...and form. The picture isn't complete yet. The program is still running
Hi liquidlight (I love that name), Yes I know of this woman, her name is Jill Bolte Taylor. Oprah interviewed her recently on her radio station and you can download the whole 4 part series on iTunes for free. She's truly inspirational... and very funny too. That was a beautiful experience you had. I know it was painful but I also find it beautiful when deep loss followed by tremendous pain opens something within us that is so profoundly deep and rich and undefended. I've experienced this many times and there is this transition moment when we finally stop resisting and surrender. What seems to be the weakest moment now shows a different side, and it is a strength that we find there that is not our own. That's really cool how you had drawn a picture of this! This sounds like the same thing I was referring to in my first post... that somehow within us we know what's in store for us, because we already know what is there to be addressed now.
Wow someone understands!! Honestly this brings tears to my eyes. In the year and a half following our split i felt "How can i let go of her when she feels like she's a part of me?" and i felt that if i died i would be with the 'real her' ...the woman i saw underneath the anger and hurt and pain. I felt she really loved me but couldn't admit it to herself. What a shame! What a tragic misunderstanding!, and yes letting go felt like failure, and yes, for an eternal moment i WAS with the REAL her ...the real me, and we were one. I have found it hard to get so close to another woman, so close to myself, since that time twelve years ago ...fearing that pain and fearing a woman may not understand my intent and who i wish to be ,and i often wonder if physical relationships are for me. It was such a huge letting go, i find it hard to pick up again. - Yes the picture. Three spiral steps to an arched open doorway, on the top step, a rose with glowing aura, and through the doorway ... other doorways. There may still be a chance that backdrop is still around somewhere... perhaps in a dusty corner at my friends house. It would be a joy to find it. And speaking of the need to let go of her physical self ...that it was the right thing to do ... for the best; I read an interesting definition of surrender not long ago, and that is 'The recognition of necessity'. ... something you KNOW, deep down, you need to do. And hey thanks for giving the name and clip info of Jill Bolt Taylor ... the clip i saw was moving and inspiring and i would love to hear more from her ...both her experience and brain studies. Thanks again!
Sometimes we can see through the outer shell into the soul of another, and that's when we truly fall in love. But it's easy for our own fear to come on the heels of this and try to grasp and possess the other, mistaking the form for the substance. It quickly wants to claim "MINE", when in fact this love is free as the wind. The love doesn't belong to them or to us, but to itself... and when we forget this we suffer from the clinging. We humans come together to discover what lies beneath the shell, over and over again. And sometimes the shell only allows for a glimpse and no more. But then it has served its purpose and we must surrender this meeting for another opportunity to see, perhaps for a bit longer the next time. In surrender and forgiveness the vision deepens for us and remains even long after that one has gone. Because what we discover in the vision is that which is eternal, which belongs to no one but which lives in all of us, which IS us. It is the same, what we see in each one, is the same light that is in everyone. She knows you, beneath the form. And You know her. But then She's not really "she" and You're not really "you". Don't mistake the form for the light within.... although it's SO easy to do, I know. And I also know how easy it is for the rebellious angry little self to yell to the universe "I WANT THAT FORM, THAT ONE AND NO OTHER!" And the universe whispers back to you.... "look around you, at all the forms that reveal to you my light, my love". The pain has many layers, as does surrender. It seems they go hand in hand... or at least, they can if we allow it. There is that layer deep within that wants to close and remain closed to the possibility of further pain. But it also closes to the love. And I would say that it's not necessary to force it open, if we're not ready, but to simply recognize the armour that we've put around ourselves and accept it fully. This woman stepped into your life and gave you a gift... a gift of beauty and a gift of loss. Sometimes we want other gifts... gifts of more time, gifts of understanding.... but that's not what that one had to give to you. Bless her for the gifts she gave, and in the blessing you will RECEIVE them. When we join with another with a predetermined list of gifts that we want to get from them, we miss the purpose of the relationship entirely, and fail to receive the gifts that are there for us. Instead it is wise to enter a relationship with curiosity about what gifts they have for us, and even more importantly... to discover what it is we wish to give to them.
Wow that's powerful, yes i did want more time and understanding. She had a real profound gift for me indeed, she quickened me and forced me to become more concious. She initiated me in a sense ...sexually also. But in ways her personality was aggressive and manipulative, lying and retributional and it was just damned hard, she drove me to find the love in us both. Heaven knows what gift i gave her? Yes the light is us all, impartial ...loves every one of us and it's hard not to attatch it singularly to people who allow us to see it...that's very dangerous. That light was her, but it's myself and everyone and everything else also. I feel when you think and act for the good of all and all parties, you merge with love, with the same interests at heart so to speak and you become yourself.
