Time-bomb (long)

Discussion in 'Free Love' started by fexurbis, Jun 29, 2006.

  1. fexurbis

    fexurbis Member

    I'm in a dilemma and I wanna hear what folks have to say. I've been with my gf for 3 years (living together for 2).

    When we started I had been in a two-year slump, and it felt stupid to pass up on someone I had growing feelings for, even though I'm not exactly fond of commitment. My phobia had me in a corner, I said to myself.

    And every step of the way, from seeing her everyday, to taking care of the cats when she was away, to the cell-phone plan, to finally moving in, I was torn between pursueing the relationship further and keeping my freedom.

    Lately I've been feeling like a caged lion and resentful of her ownership of my sexuality. Our sex-life has faded and I've been getting a fair amount of female attention. Quitting immediately is not an option for a variety of personal reasons.

    What's a free lover at heart to do? Has anyone here been in a similar situation?
     
  2. SarahBT

    SarahBT Member

    Fexurbis,

    There are a few things to consider. Are you just sexually frustrated and need to have a rendezvous and what is likelihood of getting caught? I understand the situation, in my last relationship we tried to liven up our sex life. Ultimately the problem was bigger, but it was fun for a little while. Do you feel like a caged lion because you have gotten the attention lately? This situation is tough, and good luck!
     
  3. Pmeth

    Pmeth Member

    Dude man dont cheat on her...thats lame man.
     
  4. TheMechanic

    TheMechanic The chicken LUVER!

    This all goes back to how honest you can be with your partner, if you do decide to end this, which it seems to me, you already made that decsion and want other people to tell you ok... well it isnt for sveral reasons:
    1) You let her believe everything was fine and dandy, when in fact you had a way out some time ago... you can not veen begin to claim to be a man if you can not look her in the eyes and tell her the truth...

    If you are going to cheat, you are going to cheat, we are not here to be your conscience... with that said, if you really feel that way... be open and honest, and tell her you need to have an open relationship and if she is not willing too, then head what I suspect to be not any greener than the side you are currently on...

    just my $ .02 .. you need to do what you WANT to do... because when it comes to sex, its all WANT and never NEED... you can live without it... it ca therefore NOT be a NEED...

    good luck...
     
  5. fexurbis

    fexurbis Member

    Thanks, The Mechanic. Your thoughts were very lucid and encouraging. The cat has been let out of the bag today... My girlfriend has read my post on this forum and now knows the conundrum we're in. Unfortunately, I was too cowardly to tell her explicitly what I felt, and she found out through other means...lol

    Essentially where we're at is:

    1) We feel differently about sexual commitment;
    2) I am at least for now willing to forgo sexual freedom to try and heal our relationship through open communication;

    In a long conversation yesterday, it became obvious there's more to our problems than *sexual* freedom. We've created a vicious cycle in which I feel unable to give her all the reasurance she needs of my feelings for her, and that makes her more in need of reasurance, etc. The sexual freedom part may be secondary to a larger problem.

    Tough nut to crack. Thanks for all the posters and their empathy.

    P.S. Sharing your experiences would also help, thanks.
     

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