Threesome Complications

Hey everyone, I’m new to the forum so I’ll start off by saying Hi!

I’ll make this short and sweet. Just need some help deciphering something that was said to me the other day.
My fiancé and I have had a threesome a few times with one of his friends, everything’s been going great and very relaxed, just sex just fun.

The other day, we introduced kissing between me and the other guy, my fiancé’s suggestion. All good no concerns. But after that, while my fiancé was out of the room, he says to me “do you know how many times I’ve asked (fiancé’s name) to find me a girl like you.. with out saying you”

I don’t want to raise concerns to anyone if I’m just over thinking this, but if he has feelings then I would like to stop the whole operation. What do you think he means?

Please advise ✌️

 

Yes exactly which is why I wanted to raise the concern if need be, I don’t want to hurt his feelings if there are some there but even more so I don’t want to affect my engagement...

What would you do?

 

That's what strongly contributed to the end of our MFM threesome. My wife informed me that she was starting to have stronger feelings for our male friend, more than just "fun to fuck".

 

No it’s not important at all, I should’ve explained a bit more clearly I suppose but I’m more so wondering how to navigate the situation as to not ruin their friendship.

 

Wasn’t it fiancé’s idea?

 

It’s still hard for me to decipher if he was hinting at feelings because by him saying “without saying you” sort of disconnects it for me and leaves it to be taken as “you but not you, someone else”

I don’t know, I want to do the right thing and stop it before feelings happen, but at the same time I don’t want to end it because it’s super fun and we are all having a great time.. :/

 

It’s all fun and games till someone gets hurt.

 

Yeah it was his idea and he loves it, he’s the one that brings it up all the time and I’m not about to say no lol so I don’t want to take something away from him that we both enjoy simply because I MIGHT be over thinking something

 

I totally respect her decision there, a bummer to end things but way safer for the long run of your relationship. I just don’t know if he actually has feelings or if I’m being paranoid here

 

Bring in another guy and see if the friend get jealous.

 

Oh boy lol interesting route, I’ll bring it up, my fiancé has already offered that but I’m hesitant as I know the guy involved is clean and good to go, which is again the reason why I’d love if he would just leave feelings at the door lol

 

Or my personal favorite bring another female into the mix, I like that try that! Lol

 

Do you have feelings for his friend?

 

Tell him he has a good thing going, and not to screw it up. Any kissing in our encounters was maybe like a greeting kiss or hug.

 

Other than being attracted to him, no emotional feelings, but wouldn’t want to lose the friendship? If that’s what you would classify it as

 

Yes, if he says something like that again I’ll say that and hope he changes his thinking

 

I think it's trouble waiting to happen. I also vote to bring another woman into the situation.

 

Unless the other guy explicitly requested that you not tell your fiancé what he (the other guy) said to you, I'd suggest that one option might be for you sit down with your fiancé (just the two of you) and tell him what the other guy said. That could result in (as I see it) three possible outcomes:

1. Your fiancé doesn't like it and it potentially ends up damaging the relationship between him and his friend.
2. Your fiancé understands the feelings involved, but decides he's not comfortable with that unintended aspect of the relationship. He consequently ends the threesome (hopefully in a graceful manner, so that the three of you remain friends. Given the other guys apparent feelings for you, this may not be possible, but you won't know until you try.)
3. You fiancé is flattered by the other guy's feelings for you and the threesome happily continues. In this outcome, if either you or your fiancé tell the friend that all three of you now know know how he feels about you and everybody's okay with it, it could actually STRENGTHEN the relation among the three of you, making your sexual, and other, encounters even more intense and enjoyable. Given that men can sometimes become very jealous in a situation like this (as me how I know.) As a result, outcome #3 would require that your fiancé be very confident about the relationship that you and he have, so as to not worry about possibly "losing you" to the other guy.

Based on my (limited) personal experience with MFM threesomes, those seem like the most likely possibilities in a situation like this. You could, of course, keep it entirely to yourself, but that seems like it would be even more dangerous for your relationship(s) (IMHO.) While your fiancé might think that everything is going along smoothly so stay the course, you other guy might be in the "silence signifies consent" camp and decides to up the game. If both of things occur, bad things will ultimately happen. It's no longer "if", but "when".

Finally, after reading this to my wife, she suggested that there's another thing you might want to do. Sit down with the friend (just to two of you) and ask him to elaborate on his previous statement to you. If it's not outside your comfort boundaries, I'd advise falling back on my original suggestion (above), with the caveat to your friend that you're going to do this (just so he doesn't get blindsided later.) If either a) you're not comfortable with his explanation of his feelings towards you, or b) he's not comfortable with the conversation you're planning to have with your fiancé, I'd seriously consider ending the threesome.

Just my two cents worth. I'm sure that other folks on the forum with more experience in this area can either validate my advice or tell me that I'm full of shit.

 

Thank you for that! I agree with you on all the possible outcomes, seems like something needs to be said to someone...

how do you think he might react if I bring it up to him? (The friend I mean)

 

Just reiterate it to him. Let your guy know that ahead of time so his friend won’t keep thinking it’s going somewhere that it’s not supposed to.

 

That is a REALLY tough question to answer and would probably be heavily colored by what he tells you after you ask him to elaborate on his earlier comment to you. If it turns out that he really means "someone like you", it probably won't cause any problems at all. OTOH, if he (truthfully) tells you that he meant YOU, as in "I want YOU", well, that's where you might have problems. Since he's already fucked you several times (and I mean that in purely a matter-of-fact and non-demeaning way), then what me may want is a closer, more emotional relationship with you, the kind you have with your fiancé and which he can't have.

That last part of the last sentence may not actually be true. (Personal anecdote: I know a threesome in a city a little over an hour and a half away, two men and one women, that have been together in what amounts to a three-person marriage, for at least twenty-five years. In fact, she has two children, one by each man. They seem to all get along swimmingly. Just a data point...) What I'm saying is that if what your friend wants from you is the same level of emotional bond that you have with your fiancé, the only real way that you can satisfy his desire is for both you and your fiancé to be willing to enter into that sort of an arrangement. Clearly, in a situation like that, we are talking about way more that regular sex.

So, as I see it, you have (again) three potential outcomes:

1. You talk to your friend and find out that he has feelings for you but is content to continue on with the current physical relationship, if you and your fiancé are willing. (Bare, in mind that such a relationship could potentially last WAY beyond your wedding day. The threesome I had with my wife and a close male friend lasted for almost a year, but didn't begin until my wife and I had been married for almost six years. BTW, our threesome was MY idea and I set it up. Again, just a data point...)
2. You talk to your friend and find out that he has feelings for you that are much more intense and emotional/amorous than you had originally thought. If you tell him that you value his friendship and cherish your physical relationship with him (a man would have to be insane to not be immensely flattered when a pretty woman tells him, "I love it when you fuck me."), but can't accede to his stronger feelings without betraying your fiancé, or something like that (you'd have to decide what your own reasons are for not wanting to grant your friend what HE wants.) At this point, either your friend agrees to maintain the status quo (tension deescalated, everybody's happy), or he said that he can't comfortably continue on the way things are because he wants you too badly. In that event, best case is that the threesome breaks up but he remains friends with both your fiancé and you. Worst case is that the threesome breaks up and your friend removes himself from you and your fiancé's lives.
3. You talk to your friend and find out that he has feelings for you are much more intense and emotional/amorous than you had originally thought. You talk to your fiancé and find out if he's comfortable with a more intimate relationship forming between your friend and you. If he is, your fiancé and you end up getting married (sooner or later), but your friend becomes an unofficial "second spouse" (Like the trio I mentioned earlier.) (Like I said earlier, it very uncommon, but I've seen it work.)

Anyway, I'm sure there are other possible options, but those are the three that seem the most obvious to me. Keep me in the loop. Whichever way this goes, I really want it to work out for you!