thoughts on love and relationships?

what do you guys think about them?

personally, i do believe in love. i think love is the driving force of all that is good in the world.

it's relationships that scare me, and how to deal with love. relationships are so scary - they're amazing while they hold, everything is great and you feel like you know where you stand. but sometimes the other person can become where you stand, and when they are gone you can't think about all the other things that were important to you anymore.

are relationships a good idea? is there really such thing as a happy strong relationship? is emotional commitment even a good idea? i'm just not sure anymore.i'm going to start explaining my situation, so if you don't want to read a lot, then you should probably leave this page XD

i am currently in love with a guy a year older than me. i am only 17. we started dating a little over two years ago. i cheated on him twice, i didn't do anything that bad, but i still did and he knows that i did. it was because i was going through this inner conflict thinking that free love was the right thing for me. he let me go, accepting that i wanted to be in a relationship for about a month or so in the spring. during this time i felt great, but i actually didnt even do anything with anyone else anyway. when i realized it was actually really painful for him, and that he was only doing it to make me happy, i was happy to be in a commitment with him again.i realized that free love wasn't even that big of a deal to me after all. when i got back together with him, i realized how valuable a monogamous relationship was, at least in my eyes. so i didn't mind it at all - it turned out that over a year of me going crazy about how i wanted to be in an open relationship was seemingly for nothing. after this revelation, we were together and happy for about a month or two, then we broke up, because of drug complications, where he was temporarlily homeless and i didnt like his lifestyle.

when i was without him, i realized how much i depended on him. the thought of him doing things with other girls drove me off the wall and i finallly understood how he felt when he had let me go during our open relationship. suddenly his lifestyle didn't bother me anymore, and all i wanted was to have him back and know that he wanted to be with me. limbo was definitely not a fun place to be, because we were still seeing each other and doing what we normally would, except nothing was official.

after a month of limbo, he moved back home, and called me drunk telling me it was all for me, because he wanted to be the right person for me. later he said that was sort of a reason, but it was mainly so he could get his shit together and then move out eventually. about a week later we got back together officially, even though it bothers him my parents won't allow me a relationship yet, and i was happier then ever. because he has always been honest as for as i know, i think that niether of us even did anything with other people while we were in limbo.

i still am really happy, but i am almost scared. i know i should be happy while he's still here, but i don't know where we're going. obviously, we are still young and we will probably change.the thing is i feel like we are both already emotionally mature for our age, i feel like we are way ahead of everybody else.i kind of found out who i was while i've been with him, and i feel like i have a deep understanding of my inner self, seperate from my connection to him. in a way our love is like a cheat code we've found for happiness in life. i've felt for such a long time that he is a part of my life that transcends time, in another wording, like his my 'soulmate'.

it scares me that i even feel this way. because even though things are going well right now, i still remember that feeling when i'd close my eyes and the world in my head was even trembling. i don't want this feeling of loving him forever to be a fantasy. yet i want to be prepared if it is.

there are so many people out there. a guy i help out at the tutoring center where i work had interest in me i'm pretty sure, and he seemed simultaneously shocked and horrified when he found out i was 7 years younger than him.

i know i could find someone else in the future. but i don't even know if i should even be close to thinking about doing that, or think about this relationship as stable. or think about relationships as a good idea at all!!!

ANYWAY. what do you guys all think? i'd love to hear people discuss their ideas on love and commitment. because so far i have hardly an idea about mine XD

 

I did not read, but voted 'Not sure.'

I try to keep an open mind, but up until now I have preferred being single. I like having the freedom to have two twin teenage blondes up in my jacuzzi as I please.

j/k :biggrin: