Alrighty so let's see..can anyone tell me how to get past this and what the hell my issue is? I mean I think I'm pretty good at giving others advice, but no one's been able to make sense of my stuff..so here it goes. It all begins 6 years ago when I started dating Tim, we dated on and off for these 6 years. Tim was 3 years older, so he went off to College and moved and everything else which ended up complicating things because I felt like all of a sudden he pulled away and I was alone (at this point we had both kinda pulled away from our friends and only really had one another which was RETARDED) so literally, i felt alone. Tim was really manipulative, he lied a lot but he had an amazing aura of charisma about him that easily drew me in and we could always count on one another so it made it more comforting to be in, but going really down hill over time and growing up together and everything. SO THEN I met this guy named Rory in my last year of high school, he was from 30 minutes away and was visiting a mutual friend.. we instantly clicked and began chatting over MSN until we eventually became really great friends and both started feeling more for one another. I broke it off with Tim and even though he had been wanting to end it with me (which was told to me) it was like I had ripped out his heart and stomped on it..manipulative guilt trip. THEN I ended up going back and forth for about a year and a 1/2 between Rory and Tim, dating them both on and off. Until one day it had become too much for EVERYONE involved..and I just said fuck it and after about a month of being alone I thought I found the perfect NEW guy to date..too soon I then involved yet another person in my madness. I then went between him and Tim once..and now I'm single and have been for a month. I'm still talking to ALL my ex's but at this point more so to Tim because for some reason I've always held on to what we had. He doesn't trust me, none of them trust me (rightfully so due to the past) so we're just being friends but it kills me because there's other feelings there and it's all I can think about half the time. On top of that, Rory and I still talk and are friends, he WAS my best-friend but slowly that's fading due to trust. The last guy I dated I still talk to, but at a much different level than the other two.. I just moved back home where I don't know anyone anymore (everyone I knew moved away) so there is SERIOUSLY nothing to do but sit and contemplate some days..I have no idea what's wrong with me, why my relationships are so horrible due to my stupidity and yearn for some sort of weird change after like 2 months of dating someone..ANYONE have any ideas where I should start other than being painfully alone? I want a relationship, I'm ready for something stable right now because I feel that I am more stable in knowing what I'm capable of and what I'm not..so..hmm where do I go? Work on the trust and be friends with Tim and see where that leads me..to my death or to a good relationship Meet someone new Be alone and kinda play around with that..which I have and I just feel I love to love and only one person from now on would be GREAT I dunno..
As much as you don't want to be alone, i think that's the best thing for you. You need to learn to be on your own and love it. Once you've done that then you'll find the right guy for you. As much as you think you're ready for a relationship, i don't think you are. That will just complicate things further. I think i'd be best if you just stopped talking to all 3 guys. Go out and make some new friends and just enjoy your own company. I really hope you sort everything out
I really think being alone is the best thing you can do right now, too till you've moved on from these guys, or decided for sure which one you want to be with. Right now it seems all this is doing is causing you all far to much stress. I suggest takinga step back for a while till you sort out your feelings. Good luck and hope that helps.
Thank you both for your replies and advice. Last night after writing all that out I went WTF have I been doing! It was just pure insanity on my part, a really lost thing to be doing. I think the best thing for me right now IS to be alone and not be with anyone I was or even think about moving on to anyone else until I have control of my emotions and self, otherwise it'll all end up the same. I also decided to stop talking to Tim last night and let him know we could still communicate as friends over e-mail, but anything else would be too much. I still talk to the other two as friends because that's what they've become really, so off I go.
You should make that story into a script and send it into the Lifetime Movie Network....they'd love it. I'd watch it. It definitely sounds like you need to be alone. Just talk to those three as friends....if you can do that. There's nothing you can do to make Rory trust you, but maybe you could earn it back and get back a best friend that you lost. He might be what you need right now....just a friend that you can talk to.
