This makes me so mad..

Arghhhh!!!!!!! I just wanted to rage when I heard this today!! I have this friend, and her stepdad is really controling, but her mom is awesome. What happened, is my friend got her period for the first time a little while ago, and her mom was all excited and bought her pads,since you're not supposed to use tampons until the second period.

About 3 months later, her mom bought her tampons because she thought she was ready. Her stepdad found out and he got really mad at her mom for buying her tampons! My friend and her mom both want her to use them, but her stepdad won't let her! He said it wasn't right, and he wouldn't allow it. So he locked them in the cupboard! I can't stand the things this guy says, and does. He's so controling, you won't believe it!

He won't even let my friend's mom wear makeup even tho she wants to, or curl her hair or anything. the same applies to my friend. I know it doesn't really concern me, but my this is my good friend and she has only told me these things, and they really upset me. I just think its terrible because men have no idea what women go through with menstruation,etc., so who is he to tell my friend how she takes care of her body? Its her body, and I just think this should be her choice. What can she do?

 

I find your indignation quite interesting. In essence what you are saying is that this man shouldn't be allowed to parent because... he's a man, right? A mother is free to dictate what her SON and daughter can and cannot do, but a man for some reason can't have a say in how his daughter is raised. If the man doesn't want his daughter using tampons, then that's his right. As for him not wanting his wife to wear make-up and all that--I think he is justified in that as well. It's easy for you to say that it's controlling, but how fast do you think his wife would raise objection to his wearing clothes and grooming himself in a fashion that she thinks unbecoming???

 

It's not his right to decide whether or not she uses tampons.... he can control her curfiew and when she does her homework or whatever, but not what she sticks in her vagina. He does, however, have a right to have a say about anyone else who wants to stick something in it.... till she's 18, at least.

 

Wow... Thats the craziest shit I've ever heard... i'm sure your telling the truth... but thats kinda hard to believe. wow... I don't think I can even give advice on that. Your friend might honestly be better off moving out on her own... jesus... What kind of caveman likeobjections is he having with...tampons. Thats so insane. What a crappy asshole. I guess she should buy her own and keep 'em in her purse. Thats all I can come up with... sorry.

 

This makes me think of "Carrie" for some reason.

 

God I didn't even know that was a feminist issue. I always kinda pictured it in the same category as brushing your teeth or something.

 

I'm probably naive.

 

I feel for your friend! Her mother apparently has married an asshole. Well, if her mother was smart she would leave this man....no person has the right to tell another person what to do with a situation like that....especially the wearing makeup and curling hair. He is just another one of those contol freaks....and what to do about that? I dont know. I wish I had some advice for you. Mabye one day her mom will get smart and go elsewhere:$

 

I think she should period on her stepdad's head or something. What is he thinking!!
Her stepdad isn't even her dad. What right does he have to tell her what to do. It's just the same as if a friend "commands" you to not do something that everyone else wants you to do. Would you do it? because you have the choice, they don't. Yeah I'd totally move out too. When you're 16 I'm sure your parents don't "own" you anymore anyway! what a psycho! hmm? it's crazy!

 

Okay, so let me get this right: this "asshole" as you refer to him has no right to parent, despite the fact that this daughter lives under HIS roof, and benefits from the work that HE does in order to provide her health, comfort, and safety??? Moreover, when he expresses disatisfaction with his wife's grooming habits, he's labeled a "control freak" regardless of the fact that innumerable women behave this way towards their male partners. I find that very interesting.

 

Actually, yes he does have a right to decide. It's his house, his money that maintains the household, so it is his right.

Moreover, we only know the situation based on the ranting of a teen friend of the girl in question. How accurate is her portrayal of the situation.

This mom and her daughter could be real fruits, and the father an upstanding, concerned man. Perhaps he knows that tampons are a potential health risk, and is concerned about his daughter using them and being exposed to carcinogenic materials, but that his wife and daughter would rather disregard these concerns. Therefore, by locking the cabinet, he is in fact not being an "asshole" rather a responsible parent.

About the health hazard that tampons present:

http://www.yaledailynews.com/article.asp?AID=1366

 

--Jiim, the man is her step father, he has say in shit. I have good relations with my step father, but if he came along and told me--commanded me not to do something as trivial as this, I would tell him to stick it, and so would my mother. Now, if she was doing something like breaking shit, doing drugs, stealing the car, I can understand, but this is trivial bullcrap.
--Her mother should tell the guy to back off her fucking kid.
--He could have been concerned with TSS, but was he? It was'nt stated in the post. If TSS had any relevant to this girl's problem, I'd think that she'd state it the origonal post.
--How old is this girl, threadposter? Is she your age, or younger?
--Jiim, I think you jumped on the male rights issue a bit too fast, considering the post has absolutely nothing to do with it.

 

he sounds like an ultra-conservative christian. i've found a few of these from time to time in my life. the males main concern in each of these instances was preserving the vagina and the hymen. i know some that don't allow any sort of jewelry, even wedding rings. if i was her, i'd go buy some of my own tampons, keep them hidden and use them anyway.

 

Oh, right, so even though he's legally obligated to provide for this family, they have absolutely no obligation to respect his wishes? What kind of a bloody arrangement is that? No, once the guy marries this women, she and any of her children immediately become his concern; what they do has a bearing on his life, and therefore he has every right to state his opinion and to expect his wishes. It doesn't wark any other way. It's easy for you to talk when you're 16, but you haven't gone out day after day working your ass off to provide a house and home for a wife and children who have no respect for your wishes. If you ask me, the guy made a mistake marrying that woman. She obviously cares more for the daughter than she does for him, which makes one wonder why she really married him.

 

What can she do? I dunno...............................USE A PAD?!!!!!!!

 

the man arguing in the step dad's favour have clearly never experiences the hell of severe nappy rash from wearing pads all the time.

 

Wow jiimaan... you really understand women.

 

Because it is a woman. See the writing style and the feminity in the composition?

 

"what they do has a bearing on his life, and therefore he has every right to state his opinion and to expect his wishes."

Because obviously he will loose his job or social standing if his step daughter uses a tampon.

The OP was asking advise as to what her friend should do, and here's my two bits...buy your friend some tampons...Or get all your girl friends to give her one or two out of your packs. Get her some literature about the keeper, and tell ehr to ahve a conversation with her mom about what she wants. Her mother is her parent, even if this guy is married to her. If her mother gives her permission to use them, then her husband cannot enforce some wacked out rules.

I thought of carrie too. Why did he lock them away instead of just throwing them out or something?

 

I have to say I agree with the "HappyHaHaGirl" here and not just because she has a sc name that i like, but also because there is some truth to it.

Jimann, let us consider a hypothetical situation, lets say that the perceived "controller" is a woman.

So, lets say when you were 16...17 , your dad marries a woman and she tells you to call her mom, and she tries to be your mother- in a good way.

Then , one day you forget to do your laundry and ask her to do it as a favor for you because you have no time that day. Your mom , does your laundry and in it she finds your hippy america underwear.

She thinks its bad for you and then bans you from wearing any hippy underwear in the future. So, she goes to your room takes all your hippy underwear and locks it up in a cupboard somewhere.

Is that fair? Isn't hippiness personal and only involving you? would you let your step mom deprive you of the underwear you love so much?

Won't you get mad at her for invading your privacy?

If I was you , I would, even if I don't like the hippy underwear.