This is another one of my poems, Id like to know what people think of it, I wrote it recently, seeing the disasters of the world unfolding on TV. Please let me know even if you dont like it. It will help me grow! The day was long The day was cold The Night was coming The night was near But with the night, we all will see The awful thing, that will be born to be, The leader of all the world! It will come he said, we diddnt believe he warned us I wish we had listned he told us I wish we had listned but instead we carried on with no regard we stole the world we broke the work the end is here it too late!
love it. simplistic yet orchestrated cleverly, with vague sense of not understanding, but partly understanding...
Excellent work again. If I may offer some advice(with all my love and good intent) on the 4th and 5th line start new lines with the verse after the commas, ie make it: But with the night, We all will see The awful thing, That will be born to be, I think this would fit better with the structure of your poem, which again I have to say is excellent. I especially like 'we stole the world' . Nicely placed towards the end. The most important line for me. It rings bells.
Thank you for your advice, I very much appreciate it. I am so glad you like my poems, I love writing them! It means so much to me!
