leaf in the wind as i lie here within myself my music is my only company. ive been left behind the others, im just a leaf blowing in the wind. im always being left out and forgotten, im never asked my opinion, so i will just sit here alone, like a leaf blowing in the wind i want to tell you. i dont know how to say this, how do i tell you? i want you to know but how do i show? i love you sp much, more than i can express, more than i can supress. i need to do this, i need to tell you, i need to know if you feel the same. how do i tell you? where do i start? you are mine, i am yours, but how do i tell you? where do i start? i have never done this before but i will try, but only for me and you, 'cause my tears you dried. i want you to hold me close and never let go, i want you to lift me up and never let me down, you gave me a smile and sole my frown, i want you to kiss me, i want to feel you there. i want to tell you all of these things, but when should i? where should i? i am dieing to let you know, i am dieing to show you, am i rushing it? do you want to kiss me? do you want to hold me? do you want to show me you care in this way? 'please say yes...' this is what i pray. if only you could read this, if only you could see this letter, would it be better if this is left unsaid? are you listening? are you there? once my life is stripped bare you will find, your love for me, my love for you, is all there is in my mind. i hope i could get witty enough to tell you, i wish i had the nerve, i wish that i could give this to you. but for now i think i will just give you hints, i will drop them here and there, hopefully someday soon you will hear my prayer, untill then i will live my life, wich is now thanks to you, free of pain and strife. if only to my true love, have you really come? to my true love, will you help me heal these wounds? to my true love, will you just listen? yes my love, i have come. yes my love, i will help you heal your wounds. yes my love, i will listen. to my true love, are you for real? to my true love, will you stay here for ever? to my true love, do you want to kiss me? yes my love, i am for real. yes my love, i will stay here with you for ever. yes my love, i will kiss you. if only these words were true, oh how i love you, if these words were spoken, my life would never be broken. if only i could ask you this, even in its simplicity they mean everything to me. if only you could hear me, my dreams would be fulfilled. Another day of life just another day in life, just the usual, pain and strife. will i pull through? why should i go on? i learned a valuble lesson just the other day, with you i am safe, you are my escape, i belong under your wing. when i am with you i forget about my pain, i nolonger hear angry voices shreaking my name, when with you i am free, with you i am home... once i leave you the monsters break loose, the storms arise, hell is free, i am alone in myself, i only survive because i have memories of you and know i will see you again, when i am with you... my suicide My suicide now all my thoughts leak out in puddles on the ground, another will but there's no way, i will salvage what i can from the puddle wich i now lay, sit up in bed all night thinking and trying to stay awake. i will be in their mind that day, everyone sees strait through me,so they say, well nobody sees enough to make me stay, they always think that they will speak to me again. all things in my life pass by like water left in the sun, i will be living in my longest dream, bullets fly from the gun and nothing on this earth can make me stay, nothing will hold me down from this day. i will be in your mind that day, you see right through me so you've said, well you dont see enough to make me want to stay, you have always thought you'd speak to me again. every wall you've built for me,the pain always breaks strait through, every word i've spoke to you had different meanings burried deep within, everytime you cannot breathe you'll think of me with no releif, everything you now realize will be too late to open up my eyes that day, it will be too late to open up my eyes that day... Jehri's poem she said to me 'wait 'till i am 14,my birthday will be remembered', asking and pleaing i begged her to tell me what she meant, her reply scared me but i was not suprised, she said she planned to take her own life. every day i beg and plea, i try to explain that i cant loose her,she is a best friend, i wish she would just try to understand. i cannot loose her, she can't leave, i pray that she will read this befor it is too late. does she remember the days we sat and stared, stared at passerbys while pointing out hot guys? does she remember that secrets i sharred? does she know how much she helped me? she can't take her life, if she goes, i will follow. i hope she might understand, i am always here listening and ready to try and help. i want her to understand, that life is like quicksand, everyone needs a friend to pull you out when you get caut up in it all. i am that friend and i promise i wont let you fall, i will hold the weight of it all, i will find the one wh cheated and show him the damage, i owe you, you did this all for me... Mystery Mystery i remember that dream, it seemed to me reality, all the sounds and tastes so clear, every line so fine, every edge strait an smooth, all was real, but were you? i want to see you again, are you an imaginary friend? i wish to walk woth you once more, along the crystal blue ocean shore. i want you to take lips to mine, even if just one more time. are you real, i want to know, are you real, or just part of my minds deceptive show? alone, lying inside of myself again, walking alond my forest bend, i have never had a visiter before, you are the only one to cross the border of my heart. i was sitting in my field of pink grass watching my purple sky above me, when you show up and steal all missery. you took my hand and we ran through my distant far away land, you are the first to reach me, are you real? i want to see your face, even just once more. must you leave me in this place, and lock the door? will i ever see you again, outside of a dream? will you be real to me, or just one of lifes mysteries? ' save me from myself save me from myself from the dark shadows of a heart, broken and torn, withered and worn. from the dark space of a cold corner in a closet, lonely and enclosed, unknown and forgotten. the dreams errupt from her head like water flowing in a stream, alone on a hill top, poluted and forsaken. her life crumbles, like the burning pages of the book she thought she could trust. from the shattered hopes and failed attempts, she recieves nothing but longing, nothing but hate, nothing but want. there is only me there is only me you once said to me that we would die together, and i believed you. if i should leave you now, i will find you then. you said that you want to be with me when we draw our last breaths, when we face our deaths. i want you to be with me that day, but i gess it wont be that way. how could you break your promise? or did i break mine? when you took your life, was i supposed to take mine? did you lie or did i? help me, i dont know what to do, oh how i long to join you. should i grab the gun, or the knife? should i use the pills, or jump the clift? am i supposed to use these tools, as a map to find you? i want to find you, why did you leave me? i am so alone, i have tried to find another love, but he wasnt like you, i wanted some space from you, but you gave too much. i thought our love was strong. please let me awake from this nightmare, and be in your arms... this is all just a bad dream, you are lying right next to me, i feel you there, i can hear you breathe, so i turn to see... its not you lying beside me, i have just realized this is not a dream, you are gone and there is only me. lifes path lifes path walking down the ever going path of life wondering if it ends here this night in a world filled with sorrow and fright you find it hard to hold might. the never ending night catches your tears and saves them for the day but will it come? are you the only one out there in his world of problems you come to ask yourself wich way to go when paths split the curves in llife are much harder when you are lonely i have come to learn i am all alone on this never ending path, i dont think my life will last... lost lost and fading, broken and bleeding, this is what you did to me. hopless and lonely, deceived and fallen, i smile on the outside so nobody see's the hurt beneath the skin. wounded and dieing, praying and screaming, this is all your fault. you sit over there with all of your friends, and you dont even care or think of me, you just placed me beside you to replace her, how could you do this to me? your smile was all that mattered, but now it must fall. you are nothing but a wall in my lifes pathway. december fright december chill and lost thrill, moonlight and night time fright, running to the door, what lyes behind? what will i find? open the door, flip on the light, worlds collide, i loose might to fright. close the door forever more, i do not wish to see anymore. cut cut the blade slides in, will she ever breathe again? lost and lonely she wants her life to end looking for someone, just one friend this will surely be the end her wound will never mend running hiding screaming bleeding she wonders if she will ever live more than this false life inside of me inside of my head is a place most dread, but this place is why im not dead i hide inside and cry on long everlasting nights, escaping hollow dreams and deadly frights i run to my place, my secret hiding space to enter i must bid you in, upon entering you will loose your hearts only grin my space is so shallow to you, but for me, life it puts me through you cannot see through any windows, all doors bolted shut do you think im crazy, or a nut? i live a nice quiet life on the outside, but within i am screaming. gone i used to be there but now im gone gone like the wind,summers cool breeze, gone like the smell of roses sucked by bee's, gone like days you wish would never end you took advantage of my love you thought i would be with you through lifes every bend. let me go my wounds must mend leave me alone, you're not my friend you lied to me every day especially when you'd say 'i love you' now and forever i will pray 'God, come and take me away, i dont want to see another day!' i find the knife so fine and thin should i let the blade enter in? should i toss the knife even through strife? should i show courage and might , over come my fright? why did you do this to me? will you save me, or let me bleed? this is 1/2 of my old work... the other 1/2 is around here somewhere...jjk... the other 1/2 is in another thread
