This has probably been done before but...

With the holiday season upon us, I tend to be feeling more and more on the spot. I am ridiculed, made to look like a horrible mother, viewed as someone who is robbing her children of the "right of passage" in childhood revolving around a fantasty just because...we don't do Santa Claus.

Now why is it that people feel they have the right to judge how my husband and I are raising our children? Any other time of the year we are considered the "model parents", and I have been dubbed "supermom" more often than not. But as Christmas approaches, we're made out to look like awful monsters.

It's not as though our kids don't have Christmas, because they do. They get presents, they help bake and eat Christmas cookies, they make gifts for family members, and they sing along to the Christmas carols. We have a big dinner on Christmas Eve, and also visit family throughout the day on Christmas. They know who Santa is, but my husband and I have never said to them that Santa is the real deal. No, we've never sat down and said he's a phoney, because according to legend, there really was a man known as Saint Nick who was a very giving soul. But my husband and I don't play into the whole Santa Claus coming to our house thing. As far as our kids know, daddy is the "Santa"!

I grew up believing in Santa Claus. My parents went all out to keep the fantasy alive for many years. Did I enjoy it? Of course. Did I suffer from being told an untruth? No. But as a parent myself, I kind of feel like if I'm going to teach my children to be honest with me, then I should be honest with them as well.

My husband is a former Jehovah Witness and never once grew up celebrating ANY holidays, so he never had the Santa experience.

But why is this issue such a big deal? Why do I cringe everytime someone mentions Santa to my kids and I wait for their reaction? And why do I feel so guilty when people go on and on about how wrong I'm being. What makes my beliefs wrong? Being honest with my children is wrong? I don't understand!

It really saddens me that people can be so close-minded, and get so irrate over something so silly. It's Santa Claus for crying out loud. I'm a damn good mother and I don't like being made out to be a bad person!

Does anyone else NOT do Santa Claus, and do you go through this kind of thing too?

 

I plan on doing the santa thing BUT you really don't deserve that. Just tell them to go piss on a reindeer! Unfortunatly that kind of stuff is hard to ignore without it getting to you a little bit. I'm really sorry you have to deal with that. You are awesome and your beliefs are yours. Thats sad though because if you said you were a different religion people would understand more. And it shouldn't be that way.

 

Thanks HippyLove.

{{{Hugs}}}

 

dont let them get to you, we dont do santa either and i used to get alot of slack about it. just hold your head high with that knowledge that you are doing whats best for your own family, not everyone elses

 

My mom didn't do Santa with me or my brothers. For the same reason that you won't do it. She thought that in order to teach honesty to us at an early age we had to know that our mother never lied to us. So she didn't, especially about Santa. She was ridiculed, especially when I was young and would announce to any santa-believing child that it was the PARENTS that put the presents under the tree. But no matter what ridicule she got, she took it as a time to tell other parents about the injustice THEY were serving their children. How can you honestly teach them honesty when you lie ON PURPOSE? They learn by example.

And I won't be telling my children about Santa for the same reason. I had more faith in my mother's word than any other child I knew. Why? Because I honestly knew my mother didn't lie to me. I want my children to have the same faith in me and Brian that I had in my mother.

Anyway, you go, hippychick! I won't ridicule any momma that does tell kids about Santa. It's a society thing. But for those of us that go against it, I have a special place in my heart.

 

Thank you both so much tjf0837 and hippyfreak. It's nice to know that other people understand and don't think I'm doing what I'm doing to be mean!

And for the record, I don't look down on people who do the Santa bit, I'm just not crazy about doing it with my own kids. I only wish it wasn't such a big ordeal with people. I mean, it's nuts how worked up people get with me over this!

 

We're not doing the whole Santa thing over here either. Last Christmas mine were almost 3 months old, so it wasn't really an issue at that point. But now that they're getting older everyone keeps mentioning Santa coming to see them. I'm interested to see how the rest of my family will react to my decision. I'm like you, I'm not against other people doing the Santa thing, but it's just not right for me and my family.

You've got my full support.

I'm proud that there are other mother's out there that are willing to not back down or make excuses for the way that they parent. Think of how the world would be if we all
raised our children the EXACT same way.

 

Thankyou very much willow.

How are your little ones by the way? Getting big I'll bet!

 

They're not my little babies anymore. It's so sad how fast they grow up. They fight with each other all the time now, so they look like abused children with all their bruises. The day before Thanksgiving my daughter head-butted me right in the mouth. This was the first time that we had been to see any relatives since they were born and I had a fat purple lip, and she had a swollen black eye. I was so embarrassed. The fun times just never stop around here. It all seems worth it when they chase each other around the house laughing or when they hug each other.

They're still not saying ANY words yet other than mama and dada, and I don't think they know what they mean. Do you remember when any of your 3 started saying anything? Were your twins as destructive with each other as mine?

 

i never believed in santa. I always knew it was my dad who got us presents and you know what, it made me appreciate them more, cos i saw how hard he worked to buy them. I plan to do the same if i ever have kids. I dont believe that children should grow up in a bubble, my parents never fed me the idea of santa and i turned out fine! (i guess heheh)

 

I never was told of a Santa and I'm glad I wasn't. I still think Christmas is a magical time because that's when we celebrate Jesus' birth. Besides why should they care where their gifts come from, as long as they get them.

 

Okay, so here's an outsider's point of view:

I was raised Jewish. My parents, in one of the very few parenting decisions they made that I would personally deem really, really bad (I love my mommy and daddy, but nobody's perfect, right?), told me there was a Santa Claus, but he didn't come to our house because Christmas just wasn't our holiday. I think they just told me that so I wouldn't tell my younger cousins.

At the time, I didn't have a particular problem with that, because Chanukkah was just fine for me and I still got to go to my grandparents house and celebrate Christmas with my family (my dad's family is Catholic: he converted I believe when my mom was pregnant with my oldest brother, Adam). Needless to say, I felt that I had enough presents. I was 6 or 7 when they told me that Santa Claus wasn't real, he was just based on a man from the 13th century (I think it was the 13th century?). I was a little surprised, but I didn't feel the same kind of pain a lot of my friends felt when they found out. However, I still think it was a bad decision. I wasn't bothered so much by the idea of a Santa Claus, even if he gave presents to other kids and not me, but I think a lot of kids would've felt upset. Looking back, I'm kind of surprised that I wasn'tt hurt by it.

Santa Claus really bothers me a lot now. I'm working in the mall Christmas season for the second year in a row, and in about a week or so, I just know I'm going to hear "If you keep doing that Santa Claus isn't going to come" or "If you two don't stop fighting I'm calling Santa Claus and telling him not to bring any presents" and whatnot. Because it's like that every year. It bothers me. It really does. The way a lot of parents use this as a way to threaten your kids. How about controlling your kids instead of bribing them with presents?

If I were ever to do Christmas, which is unlikely unless I end up married to or living with someone who does, I probably wont do Santa Claus, either. I just don't like the idea. And if I do anything like that, I'd make sure the kids know that it's just a game.

HippyChick, you're not a bad mother because you don't do Santa Claus. Don't listen to those people. Just do your thing and I'm sure your kids will appretiate you for the honesty.

 

My son is getting a lot of the Santa stuff from day care. We don't particularly like it, but he's being bombarded with it. I told him that Santa doesn't come to our house. Of course he immediately wanted to know "Why". Everything is why with him these days. So, desperate for something to say I told him that Santa is very busy and doesn't have time to see everyone in one night so he goes to some kids houses. Father Winter comes to our house. And Hannukah Harry goes to his cousin's house. I know it's not the truth, but I really didn't know what to tell my three year old son. I'm really at a loss as to what to tell him. We do a Yule tree that looks like everyone else's tree. We hang stockings that look like everyone else's. So why doesn't Santa come to us like he does everyon else. Last year it really wasn't an issue. But this year that's all he talks about. He likes to watch the Puzzle Place movie that talks about the different winter holidays. But it doesn't address the Solstice. I don't know of any movies or good books for kids that do talk about the Solstice. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. We will have a gathering of friends to celebrate with and we will do a small ritual, but I feel like we need more involvement for him.

Kathi

 

My husband and I are still trying to decide what to tell our 2 1/2 yr old daughter. He def. thinks we should tell her the truth. I agree but I also believe that imagination is important to develop creative minds. Should we not tell our children ANY fairytales then? My parents went along with the santa thing until I was old enough to question them if he was real - then they told me the truth ( age 5 or 6 ) The Santa fairytale is more farfetched of course but.... I remember the magical feeling as a child and I think that alone is a gift! I'm so torn of what to do ~ I better get a move on it! It's beggining to look a lot like Christmas! I'm glad this thread came up ~ we have been discussing this.

 

Totally agree with the others on the reasoning, am not planning on doing the Santa thing either.

My parents did Santa (never anything else though, which is slightly odd), and I did like the whole shebang. Which was probably why I felt so hurt and betrayed when they explained the truth. Had figured it out ages before, being a logically minded child, so it was more facing the fact of having been lied to for twelve years. Then instructed to uphold the lie three more years for my brother's sake (from what I remember I just played no part in it either way).

Ended up being really dissapointed and not really enjoying Christmas for a long time. Still cannot abide the flagant commericalism, greed and deception perpetuated by the Santa Claus myth. Know it's well meant and lovely for so many kids, but just want no part in it.

I'm pagan, so can totally appreciate the good that comes of belief and fantasy/fairy tales*. My objection is to setting up an idea (knowing it to be patently false) for it to inevitably be proven a lie years later.
Also being practical it saves me getting dug into holes trying to rationalise the whole thing, explain away glitches, messing around trying to extract and fill stockings in the dark, and whatever else you set yourself up for with such madness.

So will tell my children the truth...
"We give presents because it's a wonderful thing to do, and to cheer us up in the midwinter."
We as in the whole family, not some imaginary guy doing a moonlight flit.

Would rather do that as the emphasis will be on giving rather than getting presents, and I want to encourage that. With hindsight I feel a bit of a brat for being so wrapped up in my gift getting that I don't really notice or care about giving to others (which is now my favourite aspect of the holidays)

The magic can be in the winter solstice and associated fun, there's more to Christmas than Santa so they are not going to be deprived.

Have mentioned to my mother and she's not into the idea at all. Doesn't really bother me. Shall just stick with my explanation, and see how it goes. They can all just chalk up to me being pagan (don't have an SO, but odds are he will at least be sympathetic to it too).

Should imagine my brother will do Santa for hids kids, which presents a fair few issues. Wouldn't want them to grow up hating Auntie Sage because she let on that Santa wasn't real.

*those to me are not in the same league as Santa. The stories are metaphores of human experience and history. They are just enjoyed purely as stories, nobody ever tried to convince me they were true.

 

Had three kids and now have four grandkids never lied to any of them. Santa - Tooth fairie etc are all lies. I always told them that other kids liked to pretend that they were real and it was not nice to tell other people they were wrong. But if someone asked them that they should tell the truth. We got some flack but there was a lot of other stuff (sex education etc) that we got more flack about (grin)

 

Can relate by proxy, am going to be in the same situation some day.
It's pretty freaking creepy how far reaching the 'cult of santa' is. Surely there are plenty of children and families of diffrent faith who are in the same dilemma.
Poor Dakota, hope he has a good time regardless.

Hmm no idea about the books or movies, I'm a writer though so shall just have to write one myself.
Pretty sure there are some family orientated websites with resources out there.

Good luck

 

Sanna Claws ain't no good for nuttin'.

 

Wow, I'm overwhelmed by all of the warm, caring support! After I initially posted this thread, I came close to deleting out of fear of being flamed. *lol* Just another reason why I come to the place. Open minded, loving people!

You all made some very excellent points, and it makes me feel better about what I'm doing with my kids. Really, for me it's all about honesty. And I really do have a hard time when I hear people using Santa as a bribe with their children.

Santa is going to visit my oldest son's kindergarten class, which somewhat bothers me because they refused to call Halloween "Halloween" and were very strict on what the kids could and could not wear as costumes, and we HAD to call it the Fall Walk instead of the Halloween Parade. One of the moms even came to the school dressed as a witch and had painted her face green. They actually made her wash it off! Come on! But they'll do Christmas and have Santa come to the school despite the children who do not celebrate the holidays and who do not do Santa Claus. So much for being PC.

Thanks again for all of the support. I feel a whole lot better knowing there are other like-minded parents out there that understand and don't think I'm evil or something! *lol*

 

I didn't grew up with santa, but with the believe that baby jesus is comming and bringing presents. I believed it, and our parents never told us, that that's not true. But as we grew older and older, it was just clearer and clearer every year, that actually our parents put the presents under the tree. It was a process of developping and not a sudden shock of, hey santa (or baby jesus) doesn't exist. In a way I still believe in a lot of magic around the time, because after all, believing is believing, and knowing is knowing. Totally different things. I am undecided of how I am going to raise my children. I don't think either possibility is wrong. I mean, I believe in god, if I knew he/she/it was there, there was no point in believing... right?