Thinking of going to a sauna...

Hi everyone, just want to get peoples opinions on saunas. I gotta fuck buddy who wants to take me to one to,how he put it,'to show me off'. I've never thought about going to one before,I'll be honest its always seemed a bit desperate and seedy to me,but I know I shouldnt judge so I just want to get your opinions and tales of your experiences of visits to saunas...I'm a bit apprehensive about going to be honest but maybe thats cuz I got the total wrong idea of what goes on, is it really just everyone fuckin each other in these places? Is it acceptable to say no to a guy in there? I'm worried about catching something aswell.

And what do you think of how my fuck buddy said he wanted to show me off? Would he want me to have sex with other guys or does he sound like he just wants people to see him nailing me lol?!

 

Not all saunas are the same. All are seedy and a bit 'desperate' to some extent. Which is really neither here nor there.

Men do like anonymous sex with other men, no strings attached. Gay saunas, spas, clubs, etc., actually provide a good venue for such encounters. Would you want to call that 'desperate'? IDK...

It is always acceptable to say 'no'. Sauna or not. I would not worry about that bit.

I would sit and talk w your buddy. Only he really knows why he wants you there. U 2 have been having sex ever since. He wants to show you off? Only he knows what he really wants, and you have every right to know the details before you agree to go there. (Or not.)

It is one thing to let a dude nail you. It is a different thing to agree that other guys should be watching the action, and possibly taking part in it. (Once you let the a few guys watch the hot action with a dude being in the zone, the observers will have difficulty in accepting 'the look but do not touch' policy. People do get carried away, don't they?)

See, if your buddy wants to treat you like his property there, and pimp you out to other dudes, in exchange for something else. You may like (or not) this scenario, but you ought to know all of this beforehand and set the rules ...

SC

 

Well I spoke to him, he's been a few times before and told me what its like..I'm still a bit unsure but can totally see why people like it. I'm glad that he doesnt want anyone getting involved there, he's in the closet big time and said he wants 'to show me off' to other guys cuz he feels lucky he 'has me' but isnt ready to do it for real...that kinda opens up a whole other subject though! But he said it would be just me and him, we dont need to have sex there (though he said he'd like to but its up to me) and that nobody is going near me lol...i feel a lot better about it now.

 

So, how did it go?

 

It was...odd. After going there, I am quite...not shocked, but a bit taken a back by it all. If your in the closet/a married guy, I suppose its a brilliant place to go, but I just found it so degrading to be honest. Even though I was with someone, I felt cheap...it made me think how desperate and lonely these guys are deep down. I know guys love to have sex all the time but...I just cant quite figure it out. I kind of think its quite erotic for couples or a good place for couples who are after a threesome but I felt sorry for the single guys in there blatently wanting sex.

My guy was cool though, he was how a really affectionate boyfriend would be with a girl in public with me in there, he's usually very quiet and not very touchy feely at all, so that was nice...we just chilled out for a bit, went in the sauna for a while and went in this like living room with porns on big tvs. I found most of it funny because it was quite cringy and embarrassing but when we were in the actual sauna itself I just wanted to go home. We would be sat there and...I dont want to toot my own horn but near enough every guy in there made a pass at me and I felt so uncomfortable...I just go all shy and coy when I get hit on and in there I think it came across as being interested because my guy had to say no we are together to them all...which I liked...I'm actually starting to fall for him a bit now, which isnt good cuz I no nothing will ever happen...oh well. Sorry for the long reply!

 

Sounds as seedy as anyone would come to expect from the gay community. I say hell no to the idea of sauna's, what a turn off.

Just don't go there eve again, I forbid you

 

Yes mother hahaha! It was a huge turn off and I promise not to go again

 

crickeycharlie, you sound cute. post a picture

 

Look, saunas and clubs will be there, even if all of us here decided not to go there anymore or 'never'.

If you discovered that the saunas are not your thing, that's just fine. You tried; it did not work for you, and you are now wiser for that bit.

Do yourself a huge favor, and remember that all those guys who made passes on you there most likely just wanted to get their rocks off with a cute young guy. There is really nothing desperate about it. Most men really enjoy having sex without falling in love first. That's simply the way it is...

KD

 

What do you mean 'do yourself a huge favour'? I know they just wanted to get their rocks off. I'm guessing you go to saunas often?

 

Nope. I go to a gay sauna maybe 2-3 times a year. I would not call that "often". But I pretty much used to be a regular sauna dude in my college days. I had neither the time nor the patience to play too much around, and simply wanted to get my rocks off with the dudes I thought were hott. Saunas worked for me just fine.

I asked you to 'do yourself a favor' in reference to this part of your posting:

>>>If your in the closet/a married guy, I suppose its a brilliant place to go, but I just found it so degrading to be honest. Even though I was with someone, I felt cheap...it made me think how desperate and lonely these guys are deep down.>>

There is nothing degrading about looking (or cruising the sauna) for sex. Those guys out there simply want to get their rocks off with other like-minded guys. Few guys go to the gay sauna to read their bible...

No doubt that some of these guys may be desperate and lonely. Many people are. But you did make a wrong generalization here. Not every man out there seeks serious romantic involvement, a full-blown romance and a monogamous, committed relationship. Quite a few of them are happy to attend to their sexual needs with the hottest dudes available (in their eyes, that is), and move on.

It is a popular misconception that men need to be in love in order to have sex. Most women (certainly not all) would probably want to be in love before turning sexual with their partners. Quite a few men, on the other hand, are happy to attend to their own needs directly, and move on. This aspect of male sexuality does not sit well with the society in general, and it is only fair to say that the almighty marketeers and other consumer society trendsetters find this attitude detrimental to their business. These guys are all after your dollar, and they want you to romance, buy presents, weekends for two, candlelight dinners and all. The fact that you can satisfy your basic sexual urge by hitting a relatively inexpensive sauna or by cruising for sex somewhere else, and getting it actually for free, does not sit well with their income projections.

I perfectly understand men who want to be in love with other men, do the whole romance bit, possibly start a LTR, and live ever happily after. There is nothing wrong with that concept at all, if this is what they really want. It is however, wrong to conclude that all the other guys who would rather skip all of that, and focus solely on their sexual needs with as little time and money expenditure as possibly are "lonely and desperate". They are simply doing what they feel is right for them to do.

KD

 

Why do you assume they are single?

Sauna's not my thing, not because of any moral objections, but there are hardly ever any gay guys there, too many married / bi guys, which cheapens it further if they cant look you in the eye

 

This onlye proves another interesting point. Not all the saunas are the same.

I used to frequent a sauna in my college days. College dudes with valid IDs had free entrance on some days, and 50% off on all the other days. I knew loads of guys there. Most of them were simply horny college guys, who got a chance to have quick and easy sex with each other at no expense.

No doubt, there were married guys around, too. And 'older' dudes in or out of the closet. Whatever. We all mixed. I have never noticed that anyone was particularly keen on looking into anyone's eyes in particular. Basically, you checked the guys, showed interest in some, and none in the others.

Then, one thing led to another, and usually, you left the place an hour or two later with a big smile on your face, happy to go back to the gym, school, or to reading for your exams.

Frankly, there was nothing cheap about it whatsoever. You were shaggable, and you had sex, and moved on. That was all.

KD

 

Thats what I was gonna say, the one I went to seemed to have quite a few guys who were straight in there, some not even taking their rings off....in my own opinion i think the should be a real man and admit they like other men and not be such cowards...but thats a different story lol! But yeah we all have our own views on it, you see it as somewhere where like minded guys can hook up and then move on about their everyday lives afterwards and i see it as a bit of a meat market where people dont seem to have morals. I can see why others would like it but its not for me, glad i tried it though just to get it out the system, another experience and all that.

 

At times, it is good to know that you disagree with the others, to some extent, that is...

Slightly off the topic here:

It is hard to believe that str8 guys frequent a gay sauna. The fact that some of them wore wedding rings really does not make the straight. What makes you straight is really the established pattern of your sexual behavior, and not a piece of metal around one of your fingers.

Actually, quite a number of single men of all sexual orientations wear a wedding band for a host of different reasons:
a) Yup. They are married and want to advertise.
b) Nope. They are not really married but would rather be left alone for the time being, especially, if they are good looking and successful.
c) They are as gay as Christmas, but would like to create the impression that they are so straight that they are even married, and thus, very highly desirable among a few gay dudes 'who are exclusively after the str8 men'...
d) They inherited that ring from their Dad, or Mom or whomever and wear it in their memorry
e) whatever else???

Sauna guys, whatever their sexual orientation may really be (I contend that most of them are GAY), are neither cowards nor are they under any obligation to admit anything to anyone. Their sexuality is their own, private, intimate matter. It is entirely up to them to choose and share this with the people around them or NOT.

 

I gave up on establishing the true sexual identities of my tricks a very long time ago. Actually, I never ask, and I do not think that their sexual orientation is any of my business at all.

I used to go (and to some extent still go) to saunas because I find them to be good, reasonably safe and comfortable places to have sex with other guys, and not necessarily fall in love with them. If a guy is working hard polishing my knob, I am fine with that, and frankly, could not care less, if he has a wife and three kids at home, and/or is a mostly "str8" dude with a wild streak. (His actions here speak much more than anything else.) Frankly, I find it difficult for anyone to scream that he is str8 while some other guy is jamming his dick down his throat. Anyways, none of it is any of my business at all. An adult ought to be able to take care of his shit on his own.

Saunas, clubs, bars and other cruisy places are really there for the guys to get their rocks off without anything ado. It is not likely (if not entirely unheard of) that you'll bump into the love of your life there. Guys seeking romance first, usually avoid such places since they do not want to appear being too slutty or being too much used up for a 'serious romantic relationship'. I can see their point, too.

I also believe that many men, straight, gay or bi alike, are hardwired to have sex without having any previous romantic involvement with their partners. That this does not sit well with marketing guys and other professional trendsetters is more than obvious. Sex is a big part of our lives. If the society recognized that you should be left alone to run your sexual life as you find fit, while providing the necessary protection to all its members such as ban on rape, sex with minors, etc., a huge loss would appear on the balance sheets of the industries that are solely focused on milking your cash mercilessly before they provide you with their seal of 'approval' that, yeah, now you are so far that you can have it...

The church will tell you that you cannot have any of it, until you are married. The marketeers will tell you that you first have to date, romance, pay for a number of proverbial candlelight dinners, buy a few expensive gifts, etc. before you can 'consume' your relationship.

The truth is however, that none of the above is really true. For as long as they do not manage to convince you that you need to go through all of these notions (usually referred to as 'the drama') in order to finally get where you really want to be.

I perfectly agree with the guys who feel that they should date, romance, watch the sunset and exchange gifts in the process. If this is how they really feel, more power to them. It is however wrong to assume that this is the only 'good' way of doing it. Saunas, clubs, bars, CLs, etc., all show that despite all of the propaganda to the contrary, many men simply choose to have sex without any of the above, and they enjoy it, too.

KD

 

this place sounds nasty

a sauna room with a bunch of hot sweaty gay dudes having sex?

What does a place like that smell like? Sweaty balls, blood, semen, poop. Grunting men. Gross.

Wheres the love in that.

 

Theres no love in it, thats the whole point, its all about the sex lol
Too be fair though, they werent having sex in the actual sauna rooms, just heavy kissing, the sex happened in 'the dark rooms' which seem a bit scary...and yes it did have that sex smell in there, bit nasty when you first go in, but with all smells, you get used to it quickly.

 

How do you have a green square and I have a red square when I have more posts than you do?