First off I'm not a troll you can see my join date! I've done a lot of reading before I posted or asked any questions! Me and my wife have discussed trying Swinging/Swapping partners. We have talked about this for 2 years now and have decided to give it a try. We know a cpl that is a lil older that us and have discussed it with them and they have done threesome's but never swapping and we have decided to try a threesome "My wife with the other cpl" with me watching first. So my question is what to expect the first time this happens? Should we try the swapping first or just go with the threesome first until we get comfortable with each other? We have met a cpl time and had dinner together. Just want some advice and suggestions. Thanks for the replies in advance!
I doubt you just watching the first time will be satisfactory to you. How was it decided it would be them and your wife, why not you/your wife/one of them? personally a "planned" event for the first time usually goes off badly. You are better to just start hanging out for drinks/games and let it happen when it happens. Make sure everyone is comfortable with what will happen or not, and don't allow anything that bothers even 1 person of the group.
Well I should rephrase it's not exactly planned! we are going outta town together and are going to have dinner and then hit a stripclub. We have a cabin rented in Gatlinburg for a cpl of nights and I just figured it will happen there. And it was my idea for the 3 of them. We have also talked about do's and don't and boundaries and such.
Swinging is fine for some people. There's probably a primal aspect to it because once you're in a full swing party, it seems very natural. But swinging is not good for fixing a problematic marriage. And there are plenty of people in the world of swinging who are not mentally balanced. Some even swing to see how many relationships they can break up. The first clue a couple should have is when someone else comes between them. It's an easy con by usually one of the people in a couple falls for it. I knew a couple who ran into such a toxic pair in Memphis back in the 80s. They ended up moving several states away from each other because of an argument initiated by the outsiders. So don't swing for the hell of it and don't swing with people just because they agree to. Swinging is not "dating" but in many ways it can seem like it. Particularly when you are rejected by other couples. If you're on one of the big sites like SLS or AFF, rejection will become a part of normal life for you. The classic line is "Thanks, but at this time I don't think we're compatible". At this time? I always wondered what that was supposed to mean. Personally, I'd rather they just ignore my ping instead of responding with bullshit. But the "acceptance" of a LOT of really weird losers happens as well. They're usually easy to sort out. Most freaks can't keep a straight game through a few layers of communication. And do NOT meet with someone you haven't been skyping or had some other kid of live video conversation with, even if you "meet in a public place" (which is not as secure as you might think). Rapists stalk swingers as well. They know cops won't lift a finger for a raped swinger. Also, do NOT swing with cops, ever. Another common thing that happens these days is having people try to bully or guilt you into something you don't want, like an interracial or bi encounter. If it's not your thing, don't accept anyone who thinks you owe it to them. As a couple you must both be each other's greatest advocates. You must have each other's back in all ways and you should always know who's doing who. When you get sloppy, people get into misunderstandings that can escalate quickly in such a charged environment. Swinging is not supposed to be about fighting at all. On the issue of permission, you have to yield to what your partner wants willingly. If you can't, then you shouldn't be swinging. Some couples have "lists" of things they don't allow during swinging. Some are reasonable like not wanting buzzy things randomly thrust within you or preferring not to kiss someone after oral sex. Others can be weird like the wife doesn't mind if the other wife blows her hubby, but they are not to kiss and he is not to have intercourse with her, however, she can do both and other such nonsense. And you have to be willing to accept your partner's quirks. If Jane, my wife, wants to get porked by 6 guys, I'll gladly hold the camcorder and wait my turn. By the same token, she doesn't freak out if I decide to have a long stroking session with a black woman while an Asian woman rides my face. It's a double edged sword. Don't swing too close to home. If it doesn't pass the "bumping into each other at the grocery store test", you are probably too close. And avoid people who seek others just by zip code convenience, laziness is not much fun in swinging. We've traveled across the country to swing parties specifically to avoid running into anyone we knew or because it was a good group inviting us. Swing clubs can be a way to get close without committing to anything. But some are run by shady people and even paying for a top end club you can find a lot of riff raff. It's amazing how many disgusting losers have a buck these days. Single men are treated like the living dead in swinging most of the time. Until someone wants a 3-way or needs a stunt cock or two at a big party. Single Bi women are seen as the unicorn of the lifestyle. Most married couples seem to be on a quest to find one for their very own. Some offer quite a few incentives for this including apartments, cars and cash. So be aware that hookers work swinging circles as well. Once again, if it seems too good to be true..............
