Think I might be lesbian - but I have a boyfriend!

Hi, hope this isn't the wrong place to ask, but I need advice! I have been looking around, and this website seems to be what I'm after. Its hard to find serious people to talk to about these sorts of things in Chatrooms, and I can't talk to any of my friends about this.

Here is my situation - I have a boyfriend - but I think I might be into girls?

I'm 18, so some might say "it's just a phase", but I'm not stupid and I don't think it is just a phase. I look at girls and start judging their attractiveness, and think about them too at certain times... and it just seems to be growing and growing. I don't know, it might be a phase.

I need to know, how did you all figure yourselves out? When did you "officially" become a lesbian? I've only had one experience with a girl. I was at a club when some girl came up to dance with me, and started putting her hands around me and stuff. I felt uncomfortable, but thought it was only a bit of fun.

Now I don't know where I stand...

I have a boyfriend, who I don't want to hurt. I've been with him for 4-5 months, and he's a really nice guy. But I am not sure if I'm attracted to him in the same way I find some girls attractive... argh, it's all too messed up inside my head!

Reply here or talk to me about it on MSN please. Anyone. My MSN is in my profile. (Skies_are_Dark@hotmail.co.uk)

 

Well, it is hard for me to tell you exactly what you are feeling. I have never officially had a boyfriend but I made out with a couple guys when I was younger. I will not say I did not enjoy kissing them because I did. (I think it was because I was young and not supposed to be kissing anyone. Just wanted to be a follower) I do know that I have been attracted to the same sex which is female since I was about 11 or 12, maybe even younger. I did not have my first girlfriend till I was 19. I still think some guys are cute, but I am not sexually attracted to them like I am women. I will be the first to admit when someone, ANYONE is good looking. But, as far as being intimate wit a man, I just don't get turned on at all. UNLESS, I am daydreaming about my favorite singer/actor Jared Leto....now that man, I would DO!! lol. Seriously though, just ask yourself one question " Could I actually be intimate with a woman? " Maybe you can even find someone to experiment with....Maybe you are bisexual or even just bi-curious. Please let us know how it all works out.

 

I have been an admirer of women all my life. Even when I told myself that I was not gay and had boyfriends, I still thought about women constantly. One day I got the courage to go into a gay club and immediately I knew. It just felt natural for me. Even after knowing, I still enjoyed the company of men but they could not turn me inside out they way that a women can. Once I entered into a committed relationship with a woman, I never looked back.
Only you can say if you are in fact a lesbian or if you are just bi-curious. I think you owe it to yourself to take the time to find out.

 

Well, I don't really have a "realization" point I can point to as far as a 'first realizing' thing goes. I've known I was into girls since before I knew what sex was, and messed around quite a bit with other girls (and I do mean -quite a bit-) throughout late elementary school and on into college. But as I became more and more -out- about it and as my parents realized it wasn't just a phase, I started receiving a lot of pressure to not be a lesbian. So, with a lot of effort, I managed to convince myself I was actually bi and could be with a guy and even "fell in love" with a guy (Though he was fairly feminine looking). However, after 2 years of dating him, I started to realize that I was lying to myself. I just wasn't interested in guys. By the end of the third year, I had come to realize that I really am just a lesbian and not at all biseuxal and not at all interested in men.

The thing is, I can't really point to an exact thing and say "this is when I knew." But I just over time realized that I was really not attracted to him and that I was even repulsed by his body (and he wasn't ugly as far as men go, he was a pretty boy).

My advice would be to not rush into anything either direction and give yourself more time to explore what you're feeling and work out what you're really feeling. You may be bisexual, not lesbian. I've known Bisexuals who describe their feelings towards men and towards women as different, because there are differences in the type of mate they're looking for in either gender.

 

Hey Escaflowne, I think I can relate to you. Since 2009, I had a crush on this guy. In March of this year, we finally started dating. Everything was cool and what not, but we were both in a situation where we weren't allow to date for a year (church related). So we decided to break up and just wait until next year to be together.

He is a really sweet guy who would do so much for me. Text to say good morning. Call to check up on me. Buy me things just because he wanted to put a smile on my face... etc. I was so crush from it that I felt like I had no one else but my best friend to lean up. At the time, me and my best friend lived together right across the street from my boyfriend. So you can just imagine the awkwardness of having to see him everyday especially just after breaking up...lol We promised that we'll wait for each other, but now that doesn't seem like the case.

Me and my best friend were always attracted to each other. Like usually when I become so close to a girl, she becomes like a sister to me. Not in this case, I always found her to be so beautiful. I loved how she smiled and her eyes would sparkle. Her laugh was like music to my ears. We always acted like we were gay, but that was just us girls playing around. So as I leaned on her after our break up. We started fooling around. Sleeping on the same bed so she can comfort me, holding me, cuddling, hugging for a long time. I found myself saying... KISS ME ALREADY!! It was so weird to me. Finally, one night she kissed me. After that we started to experiment with each other.

I found that she completed me in everywhere possible. I was more comfortable being me then I was with my ex boyfriend. I started thinking back to all my past relationships (who were all guys) and realized that I was always feeling like I was missing something with them. That out of all my relationships, the first time I ever dated a girl, I felt whole.

Basically, you're going to have to look back and picture yourself either with a guy or girl. Which one makes more sense to you. Which gender completes you the most.

I haven't told my ex yet that I've moved on. I know it's going to hurt him considering I see him all the time, and he gives me those "I miss you" sorta looks. I know the sooner I talk to him, the sooner I can finally move on.

I hope my story helps you. Good luck!!

 

(before anyone reads this just know that if you do read it i am seriously looking for advice and help, so if you keep reading, please be willing to help or email me at dyanadaryn@hotmail.com)

okay, so heres my situation... I am 17, i have had my boyfriend for the past 7 months on and off. we first said i love you about 3 months ago, and i really meant it.... But now i feel like its turning into more of a brotherly love. ive lost interest in kissing him, cuddling with him and i actually lately have been avoiding even saying i love you... Another thing you should know; everyone who knows me knows i am outly bisexual. they know i am very comfortable with it and my boyfriend has accepted it. But lately i cant shake the feeling that i might not be bi. I might be lesbian. my problem obviously isnt coming to terms with my sexuality. i have no issues jumping up on the roof of my house and screaming "im gay" to the world. my issue is that i dont want to lose my boyfriend. i care about him very, very, very much and i dont want to hurt him. but my feelings are fading fast and my feelings for girls (one in particular) are growing rapidly. I cant lead him on, he deserves much more than that. if someone willing to help could email me (maybe someone with some more experience) and help me figure this out, you have no idea how much id appreciate it. hope to hear from someone helpful very soon.

Regards, Bethany.

 

When you look at a guy, can you honestly say "I want to have sex with him"?

I asked myself that question and the answer was hell no.