Greetings fellow Forum folk! I'm in a delightfully frustrating situation, and I would really like some feedback from you all before I proceed. Some of you who know me well know that I'm a big movie fan. It turns out that there is an assistant manager at my favorite theater who intrigues me and is also quite probably gay. Let's face it. He's interested in at least some of the same stuff I am and he's kinda cute; it's a potent combination. I think that he's gay, because I was talking to his boss once and said that flyers about a particular movie should have been put up in the local gay bars. The boss said, "Oh yeah, our assistant manager works at one of them." A few weeks ago I was with a lesbian friend at another theater and we saw this assistant manager there with a few friends who looked like they might be gay. Actually, he saw us first and called out to me. My lesbian friend said, "Who is this guy? He really seems attracted to you by the way he called out to you." After the movie ended, I talked to the guy briefly about the movie and I also said it had been a really interesting day...that my friend and I had run into a guy who I had gone out with on a blind date and that it was so awkward seeing him. Assistant manager said something like that must have been rough and that he would see me at the theater. The next time I was at the theater, assistant manager gave me a pass for a free movie. Last Saturday, my lesbian friend went to see a movie I had already seen. She told me that she went there to get a better look at this guy and check him out a bit for me. She swears that he recognized her and that he seemed to be looking to see who else was with her. She also mentioned to another friend of ours that I liked the movie, and assistant manager seemed to perk up at the mention of my name. Now, assistant manager has always been friendly. We've chatted about movies. However, the last time I was at the theater, I would swear the eye contact was a little more prolonged. I have decided to tell him that I enjoyed our last conversation and invite him to lunch or dinner...my treat. I plan to share with him what I've just shared with all of you. If I'm misreading the situation, it could all be very awkward. One complication is that I'm 44 and he seems to be in his middle 20s. What's the best way of handling this situation? What are some of the best things to say and do? If it isn't too obvious, I like the guy. I don't want to mess it up. Advice?
Just take it easy, and don't get too far ahead of yourself. One thing you don't want is to be so stiff and awkward toward him that you turn him off before he even has the chance to get to know you. He might be just as scared of you if not more so. Maybe invite him out for a drink or two (not too many now, you don't want to get stupid) to get better acquainted and help you both relax a bit? There are any number of pretexts you can use for the invitation, especially since you've already talked with each other. Let him pick the place, if it's a gay bar then you know that he's probably at least gay. You might wear a rainbow flag pin or something when you extend the invitation, since that will mark you as gay-OK. The lunch or dinner might work well as a follow-up, especially if he's interested in a possible relationship... Anyway, best of luck. I only wish I could get so lucky with a twenty-something, but then again there was this cutie at one gay bar who did briefly give me the eye(!)
Thanks Shevek. I think getting ahead of myself is what I'm most worried about. I see your point about a drink. However, I'm still leaning toward lunch rather than a drink. A drink seems to suggest "date" and "sex" more than I want to this early. I'm 99.9% certain that Theater Boy is gay. He's a DJ at a gay bar, and the friends I saw him with seem gay. I'm 99.99% certain that he knows I'm gay. He seemed to sympathize about my awful blind date, and I used lots of male pronouns. Thanks for the best wishes.
